I am going to lose my mind with things coming at me from every direction today. So, I am just going to stop everything and do a 90 Day Fiancé recap or my head is going to explode. I need to eat. I actually cooked but now I am just to agitated to eat. So, cheers! Also, it is the first good day outside we have had in weeks. So my windows are open and someone was is USING A LEAF BLOWER or something. I do not have the patience for this today. I am watching this episode on demand so I won’t be able to type as much as a normally do because Spectrum Sucks.
Avery & Ash
These two slept together on the first night despite Avery’s protestations. She says he is the best she has ever had. That is because he has had LOTS and LOTS of practice. They are going to meet the brother. Ash is totally lying about the brother, or the cousin or whoever it is. Avery is worried that her drinking is going to be a problem. No dear, Ash is going to be the problem.
Ash’s eyes scare me. The brother Antish has the same eyes. They are definitely brothers. Ash orders a dirty martini just like Avery did. Right away, Antish says Avery is a bad influence in his talking head. The brother questions the fact she has been in several relationships. Really? Does the brother know about Ash’s floral habits. He mentions that she has broken up with Ash several times. Ash has a son. And Antish is concerned about how he could leave the country where his son lives. Let’s just say this did not go well.
Rose & Ed
These two go to get mani-pedis. Apparently, men not do that in the Philippines. Ed is concerned about Rose’s Facebook friends. Oh how dating times have changed in the million years since Ed has had a date. Rose says that Ed is her one and only. Rose doesn’t want to tell Ed about her past. She only wants to talk about their future. He is worried she will leave him once she gets her green card. She probably will, Ed. But for now, shut up and enjoy the mani-pedi.
Later they go to a fancy dinner. This is their first dinner out. So naturally, Ed brings up he would like to have her tested for STDs. Because, so romantic. I would like to point out that we have not even had an appetizer. Rose says that he needs to get tested too. He doesn’t want to take it in the Philippines. Then he lands the final blow. He doesn’t trust her. Then he tells her if she doesn’t talk about the past he’s out. WTF? He leaves her crying at the table. No wonder Ed hasn’t been laid in a million years. He ruins everything. Rose says she is going home on her own. Eventually, he agrees to book her a room at another hotel. Ed tells producers he doesn’t believe in love. OMG, REALLY?
Lisa & Usman
Oh Lisa, you are not engaged to a celebrity. And Sojaboy has a surprise for her at his first performance. He takes her to the studio. Oh he has reedited the video to take the model out the video that he made for Lisa. The video director is pissed.
Usman takes Lisa to meet a co-worker in the music industry. The guy was trying to explain to Lisa that she is screwing up his music career. She doesn’t care. Usman is right. She does have an attitude problem. I like this guy. When he asks if she is trying to destroy his music career, instead of saying now, she tells him to STFU. Is Lisa drunk or high or something?
David & Lana
David is such a sad fool I don’t think I even want to recap part. At least he wants to get cubic zirconia. This is just sad. He actually has friends who care about him. But he will not listen to anyone. Is he moving there? I’ve never taken that much luggage anywhere. I’d I’ve gone on some long trips to Paris.
Every time I see David pop on the screen, it makes me sad. Even Anya, who he also met on a dating site, who meet him at the airport, tries to get through to him. She rides with him to his hotel and once he gets there, he doesn’t even give her money for a taxi? I see why these two didn’t work out. He literally packed TOILET PAPER in his suitcase. What is with all of these toilet paper people?
Stephanie & Erika
I don’t hate this match up. But. Stephanie is taking a huge risk on such a long flight with her illness. I love Erika. I can totally see the attraction. Also, I think they are an equal match. I am concerned about the proximity of the hospital should Stephanie need one. Erika’s friends are concerned. Apparently, Erika has not come out to her parents yet. Oh! Erika wants to be the one to move. I would totally move to the Outback.
Sidenote: Stephanie has a Louis neverfull ( I think that is what they are called). A friend gave me a hand me down LV satchel. I have been using it during the whole pandemic shit because they are so easy to wipe down with hand sanitizer wipes. No outside pockets. Easy peasy. I love these two together. They make me happy. I need happy.
Yolanda & William
Oh Yolanda. William says his Instagram got magically deleted. She still wants to go. It doesn’t seem like she is going to be prepared when she finds out she needs to fly to Nigeria.
Varya & Geoffrey Pashel
If you are new to the show, you need to read about Geoffrey Pashel here first. Geoffrey is worried that Varya was looking to move to America. HELLO! You met on an International dating site! But Varya is very skilled at this with her little Russian proverb. Geoffrey hopes Varya isn’t going to hurt him. You know, like he did all his former wives.
Oh here we go with the abuser meeting Varya’s friends. I will not go well. I feel like the friends have been told about him by production. Someone asks if he has secrets he hasn’t told Varya. Why yes! Yes he does! So of course this pisses him off. He doesn’t want to talk about his past. Then we find out that Varya’s past relationship she was serious about with another American.
Be more careful next time, Varya. Varya doesn’t translate that she was with an American previously. Until she has to. Now he has grounds to take the heat off him. He calls her a liar. Then he walks out. I love that he is pissed about her past.
Next time: I how Usman dumps Lisa. David’s heart will be broken. Rose disappears. Geof goes back for more. Darcey finally sits down with Tom.
I MAY now be drunk enough to check my email. MAYBE.