With the Kentucky Royal Wedding officially complete the old farts are back in Weho as we begin yet another Pump Rules recap. Dayna wants all the details of the event from Ariana and Sandoval. Ariana said it was hot in Kentucky. Sandoval said it was awesome. Yet time marches on and now it is time for a funeral. Or at least a memorial service. As you are all aware, Schwatzy’s pet lizard, Daug died after only three weeks living with Katie. I’m surprised you made it that long, Daug. This tragedy is compounded by the demise of Dayna and Max’s relationship. I’m not even sure if that lasted three weeks. So it sort of the best of times for the Cauchi’s and the worst of times for poor Daug.
I Loved You, Daug!
Oh and Max wants to fire, Danica who I think is like the floor manager or something at Tom Tom. And ban her from the bar. I guess because she is the one that ratted him out to Dayna about his dastardly deeds with some other girl on Pride night. I think it is a Pride party foul to cheat on your newly minted bisexual girlfriend on Pride night. But I’m not sure what the rules are for such things these days. Schwartz says he is fine with it. But, I don’t think anyone planned to ask Schwartz for permission.
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We are going straight to the lizard funeral where all of these devious plots will most certainly unfold. Or not. It seems LVP has interrupted the memorial service because she needs someone to film with this week wedding gifts must be picked up at the gift giver’s home. So across the swan shit covered bridge they must go. And you must bring a several hundred dollar pot of white orchids when you are summoned. She got them a Tiffany tea set.
And we are back at the memorial service where Danica confronts Max over telling everyone he wants to get her fired. I am distracted by Max’s necklace and want to know if it is supposed to look like a baby’s bottom, or if it is caught on something. Actually, I remember now, she works at SUR. So he really isn’t trying to get her fired, he just wants her banned from SUR. That’s mature.
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Sidenote: I find it impossible to believe that young men today like these giant rumpley butts injected with cement from Hope Depot or whatever. I can’t believe it is a thing. Kim K has had ribs removed and body sculpting to make hers look almost proportional. These girls giant dimply huge asses hanging out of thongs are not the same thing at all.
Dude…Bro…Duuuuude
Anyway, the Toms script is very “we hate Danica and are very much on Max’s side, because bros.” I don’t think LVP will care what any of them think. I agree with Danica, I don’t think this plot will work. But, I really couldn’t care less. Sandoval decides to nip banning of Danica plan in the bud. Back at the pool Scheana is saying words. Oh Scheana tries to take Kristen’s side against Katie and Stassi. Katie tries to pretend that she too busy being annoying to work on the wine brand the three share together.
Lay Down With Dogs…
Lala claims to be volunteering at the “dog shelter” but her scene showed her stacking dogfood in the for profit store. The IRS doesn’t really care for a for profit store to be combine with a charity under one roof. Raquel and James walk in to drop off their dog and everyone pretends like they weren’t all all the list for this scene weeks ago. LVP invites James to her house for the weekend to have a chat. LVP is best friends with Lala now. It’s weird.
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What is also weird is this meet up for coffee with Lala and Raquel. It was kind of Lala to explain to Raquel her time is to value to spend with someone who is a total idiot. So, Raquel has moved up the ladder to “kinda dumb.” And she is thrilled. I could swear that when I looked into Raquel when she first came on that she was working on a graduate degree in some sort of hard science.
Over a Villa Blanca, James has arrived to take his beating from LVP. But then he tells LVP he has started going to AA. Raquel tells Lala she took James to his first meeting.
Tom’s “EXTRA” Party
The Toms go shopping for Tom’s “extra” party where everyone has to be “extra” as if that isn’t their normal state. He has bought silts. Assless chaps were considered. I hope this little green lizard tribute is what Schwartzy wears.
Jame’s boyfriend came to the party with Lala? Oh I see now. This is Lala trying to plant doubt about James’ sobriety with Raquel. This new friendship between Lala and Raquel didn’t last ten minutes. She is totally trying to blow things up between James and Raquel, and Logan is not a reliable source for anything. Racquel tells Lala to STFU. You go, girl! Then, Lala goes running back to Logan.
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Katie and Stassi, mostly Stassi, scream at Kristen over their wine deal. They are both horrible people. Kristen leaves in tears.
Next week: Lala keeps coming for Raquel. The Tom’s piss off Jax. Jax has a birthday party.
Seems like Stassi & Katie are being unnecessarily mean to Kristen and overall, the relationships on this show just seem to get shallower. If Kristen really needs help getting over co-dependent things w boyfriends, and it inappears she does, its a shame Stassi & Katie can’t seem to communicate that to Kristen in an empathetic way, esp w/everyone else pairing off. It’s like history doesn’t count for much w/this whole group. Sigh. Also Lala social-climbed so high so fast, a true mystery as well..and what’s up w/Scheana & Ariana’s friendship? W/Lisa V its like if she’s motherly towards you.you can do no wrong, meanwhile what’s up w/her son Max. Haven’t seen him in a long time. Don’t understand new people dynamics either, show just seems disjointed.
LVP’s Max was one of my favorites. When I read in the season previews about manager Max, I was excited to see him again. Wrong Nax.
In regards to Stassi and Kristen: When Stassi kept going back and forth with the King of Douchecanoes, Patrick, who was there for her? Kristen! Katie disowned Stassi in a bid to become Queen Cuntsatchel of WeHo.
How often can you use douchecanoe and cuntsatchel in one comment? Oh, Pump Rules … I guess the answer is “often.”
Your post make me laugh! Thanks Nanette for the laugh and language during dark times.
This whole thing bores me with the recurring theme: Pettiness. Aka [Nouveau] Rich White People Problems. I look forward to the EXTRA party. I loves me my Sandoval.
All I have to say is, #andyforpresident. No not Andy Cohen. Our current governor of Ky gives all of us current residents calm and reasonable info every day at 5 PM. He is a honest representation of what people from Kentucky are really like. Brittany does not represent most people from Kentucky, please don’t think she is the poster child for all of us.
Our governor repeated Cuomo word for word. Listening to Cuomo is like watching paint dry. Brief and to the point does not exist in his world.
Gotta say our Hogan is doing a great job keeping us informed, calm and up to date while not lowering himself to take digs at the knuckleheads on the Hill, he does it in an informed adult way. With that being said I am over 60 with diabetes, a husband with a serious immune problem and raising two grandkids. I am still working and now they announced 4 more weeks of closed schools. Rather safe than sorry and I’m proud of how Hogan is guiding us.
That’s a very hard row to hoe and I pray you, your husband and grandkids keep well and make it through easily.
Katie and Stassi have zero empathy. The core of their argument is that Kristen is trying to garner sympathy for a break up while she is still in a (toxic) relationship. Is sympathy a limited resource for them that simply can’t be given to anyone in a complicated situation? If Kristen felt truly supported by her best friends, and wasn’t constantly being judged, she might be better equipped to get out of the relationship. While I do think Kristen crossed a boundary by going to Beau (even though they are friends Stassi is his partner) it wasn’t nearly as serious of an infraction as icing out your best friend for being stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s sad watching Kristen this season. She’s always had lows but now more than ever, she seems really depressed. I probably have this impression because her friends ignore her or bully her and make her cry in every scene. I hope she’s doing okay.
I think Kristen has a great life aside from this show consistently (only) airing scenes where she’s sad, having a panic attack, or drunk and trying to converse with her poor choice in men. Is she a bit unstable? Yes. But who isn’t! I’ve always liked Kristen, even back during her ho bag days. I think she gets a bad rap.
Stassi is mean and has no shame. She is a brat. I know we aren’t supposed to talk about other medias on here, but years ago I followed her on Instagram. She had a live question session and I forget what I asked, something harmless about SUR I think. Stassi responded with some spiteful crap about how I couldn’t afford the wine there or something. Totally rude and catty, I’ve never forgotten that. She’s still an entitled little cow.
Jax is such a dick. He says Sandoval isn’t a true friend because he didn’t cancel Mother’s Day to come to Jax’s PRE-Bachelor party. Truth is, Jax doesn’t know how to BE a true friend. He is a user. He is jealous that the restaurant is TomTom and not Jax In the Box. So now he’s latched on to Randall. Nothing against Randall, just that Jax is using him for his PJ.
Raquel is really growing on me. She stood up to Lala in the coffee house. Then later, with the Logan shit, Raquel has Lala’s number. And she is KIND. Kindness goes a long way with me.
Why does LVP wear satin? Satin — unless it’s a silk satin bias-cut nightgown or a heavy matte satin opera coat — looks cheap and aging. Does anyone know if Giggy is alive? It seems like it’s all about Puffy nowadays.
And it made me look up from whatever I was doing (I was kind of bored) when Raquel stood up for herself. I thought she actually looked like a version of Lala. Then I snickered a little at Lala’s reaction. That one is really into herself. Maybe more than Sandoval is, but he sometimes makes me laugh. I miss the first few seasons and rewatch them every summer. Not sure why I choose the summer but I do.
Jax also doesn’t realize that Mother’s Day is a really important day for people that have a healthy normal relationship with their mother. He should be ashamed of himself.
Lala is awful.
Katie is awful.
Stassi is awful.
Jax is awful.
Max is awful
Scheana is cringe-worthy.
Ha! I actually watched last night. They are the biggest bunch of ignorant, tone-deaf, superficial, entitled spoiled brats I have ever seen in my life. If they were my kids, I might disown them.
Of course LVP is kissing LaLa’s ass. Randall has more money than God. Not only did he just come off producing a super successful Scorsese, DiNero, Pacino film The Irishman, he also is one of the best poker players in the world regularly winning million dollar prizes, he’s also Marky Mark’s BFF from childhood.
See, Turtle in Entourage.
He still doesn’t get that if he didn’t have millions they’d want nothing to do with him.
He knows … He must. You don’t get where he is by being blind to those things. I have a feeling it amuses him.
I’d be a lot more discretionary with my friendships if I were a multimillionaire and butt ugly.
Lala’s in love with the lifestyle and when she gets older and wiser, she’ll look back on what she had to do to get it and be disgusted with herself
You think Randall is butt ugly? I think he is cute in a boy-ish kind of way. I think his goofy personality helps too. If he is generous, which according to lala he is, then that also brings his looks up! But just looking at him, I don’t find him to be butt ugly. Just my opinion ?
Actually kinda teared up for Kristen, Stassi has shown her true colors, shes the same entitled, mean spirited person as she was, she just used Kristen’s friendship and kindness to cozy back into the group and then discard her friend. And, Katie is her same old minion. Shame on them! I pray Kristen lives her best life and is more successful than those “friends” put together.
Amen! I was so completely disgusted by Stassi and Katie’s superiority tantrum towards Kristen. That is some serious karma baiting right there. What cunts.
I fast forwarded thru all the new people stuff. Lala coming for Racquel was ridiculous. I’m glad she gave it back and walked away. Lala better hope Randall doesn’t dump her ass, she’ll have nothing and no one.
This show is on its last breathe, hope this is the last season.
I fast forward through the new cast too. No one is memorable or interesting
I think Raquel was going for a degree in kinesiology, eventually to become a PT Or an OT. I dont know HOW that can be. If true, her parents must be so proud of her now.
Raquel graduated from Sonoma State University with her degree in Kinesiology in May 2018.
amazing
TT- thanks for the recap. I love that Raquel stood up to LaLa. Unlike LaLa Raquel got her point across with insulting LaLa. I can’t recall Lala ever having an argument when she didn’t insult someone or try to make them feel less than. Next weeks episode showed a preview of LaLa telling Raquel to stay in or know
her lane. Someone please tell me where LaLa gets the idea that she is superior to everyone else. From what I’ve seen In the past few years her biggest accomplishment is landing a rich guy and according to her she did it but performing great bj’s. However I should say that it is a great accomplishment that she has remained sober for several months. I don’t know anything about the 12 step program but if there is a step in humility I think she skipped it .
Her superiority complex is so undeserved. Just because she is cute, was in the right place at the right time, and is easy AF, She landed her man. Randall is as entitled and delusional as she is, BUT he has some talent, I suppose. LALa is a dry drunk. So angry and vicious to anyone else who shows an ounce of self respect. Lucky for LaLa she has surrounded herself with fame whores who find self respect an unnecessary and pedestrian pass time.
This comment has nothing to do with Vanderpump Rules. Since some of us are looking for shows to occupy us I saw previews for a new show that looks promising. It’s premier is March 30 on We Tv. It’s called Almost Paradise. It stars Christian Kane from The Libraians and Leverage. He is a former DEA agent forced into early retirement running a gift shop in the Philippines. He was forced out of the business by his two timing ex partner. Trouble seems to find him and derails his transformation from Jason Bourne to Jimmy Buffet. Christian is easy on the eyes and brings action with humor. I’m hoping if it’s good it will stick around for awhile. If you’re at all interested check out the trailer: also you can binge watch the first 4 seasons of Animal Kingdom. It’s amazing. It’s said that season 5 will premiere on TNT in July. Unfortunately to understand everything that has developed you need to follow the story from the beginning but I think it’s worth it.
You had me at “running a gift shop in the Philippines.”
I love Animal Kingdom, even after something big happened at the end of last season. The characters are all written well with excellent casting. I am grateful TNT picked it up. I hope it makes a lot of money for TNT.
I’m in. Thanks for the scope. I watch WE tv but had not paid much attention to new shows. I tune out ads if I’m having to watch live or without no ad options. But a very disturbing ad that I have not been able to tune out…Mama June. It will be just too much to watch. Just wow.
No way this show will come back with its original members.Although the new ones are so boring. Stassi begged to get back on this show and has never changed. Kristen is far from innocent,but these girls are horrible to her.. it is normal to be sad when your friends are all in relationships. The funeral was a joke and so scripted.