With the Kentucky Royal Wedding officially complete the old farts are back in Weho as we begin yet another Pump Rules recap. Dayna wants all the details of the event from Ariana and Sandoval. Ariana said it was hot in Kentucky. Sandoval said it was awesome. Yet time marches on and now it is time for a funeral. Or at least a memorial service. As you are all aware, Schwatzy’s pet lizard, Daug died after only three weeks living with Katie. I’m surprised you made it that long, Daug. This tragedy is compounded by the demise of Dayna and Max’s relationship. I’m not even sure if that lasted three weeks. So it sort of the best of times for the Cauchi’s and the worst of times for poor Daug.
I Loved You, Daug!
Oh and Max wants to fire, Danica who I think is like the floor manager or something at Tom Tom. And ban her from the bar. I guess because she is the one that ratted him out to Dayna about his dastardly deeds with some other girl on Pride night. I think it is a Pride party foul to cheat on your newly minted bisexual girlfriend on Pride night. But I’m not sure what the rules are for such things these days. Schwartz says he is fine with it. But, I don’t think anyone planned to ask Schwartz for permission.
We are going straight to the lizard funeral where all of these devious plots will most certainly unfold. Or not. It seems LVP has interrupted the memorial service because
she needs someone to film with this week wedding gifts must be picked up at the gift giver’s home. So across the swan shit covered bridge they must go. And you must bring a several hundred dollar pot of white orchids when you are summoned. She got them a Tiffany tea set.
And we are back at the memorial service where Danica confronts Max over telling everyone he wants to get her fired. I am distracted by Max’s necklace and want to know if it is supposed to look like a baby’s bottom, or if it is caught on something. Actually, I remember now, she works at SUR. So he really isn’t trying to get her fired, he just wants her banned from SUR. That’s mature.
Sidenote: I find it impossible to believe that young men today like these giant rumpley butts injected with cement from Hope Depot or whatever. I can’t believe it is a thing. Kim K has had ribs removed and body sculpting to make hers look almost proportional. These girls giant dimply huge asses hanging out of thongs are not the same thing at all.
Anyway, the Toms script is very “we hate Danica and are very much on Max’s side, because bros.” I don’t think LVP will care what any of them think. I agree with Danica, I don’t think this plot will work. But, I really couldn’t care less. Sandoval decides to nip banning of Danica plan in the bud. Back at the pool Scheana is saying words. Oh Scheana tries to take Kristen’s side against Katie and Stassi. Katie tries to pretend that she too busy being annoying to work on the wine brand the three share together.
Lay Down With Dogs…
Lala claims to be volunteering at the “dog shelter” but her scene showed her stacking dogfood in the for profit store. The IRS doesn’t really care for a for profit store to be combine with a charity under one roof. Raquel and James walk in to drop off their dog and everyone pretends like they weren’t all all the list for this scene weeks ago. LVP invites James to her house for the weekend to have a chat. LVP is best friends with Lala now. It’s weird.
What is also weird is this meet up for coffee with Lala and Raquel. It was kind of Lala to explain to Raquel her time is to value to spend with someone who is a total idiot. So, Raquel has moved up the ladder to “kinda dumb.” And she is thrilled. I could swear that when I looked into Raquel when she first came on that she was working on a graduate degree in some sort of hard science.
Over a Villa Blanca, James has arrived to take his beating from LVP. But then he tells LVP he has started going to AA. Raquel tells Lala she took James to his first meeting.
Tom’s “EXTRA” Party
The Toms go shopping for Tom’s “extra” party where everyone has to be “extra” as if that isn’t their normal state. He has bought silts. Assless chaps were considered. I hope this little green lizard tribute is what Schwartzy wears.
Jame’s boyfriend came to the party with Lala? Oh I see now. This is Lala trying to plant doubt about James’ sobriety with Raquel. This new friendship between Lala and Raquel didn’t last ten minutes. She is totally trying to blow things up between James and Raquel, and Logan is not a reliable source for anything. Racquel tells Lala to STFU. You go, girl! Then, Lala goes running back to Logan.
Katie and Stassi, mostly Stassi, scream at Kristen over their wine deal. They are both horrible people. Kristen leaves in tears.
Next week: Lala keeps coming for Raquel. The Tom’s piss off Jax. Jax has a birthday party.