Love After Lockup Recap: Catch Up Post

Then

I really hate how Love After Lockup and MAFS put a million things on my DVR and often end up being the same thing. I’m once again not sure how many Love After Lockup recaps I am behind, but I’m ready to at least start getting caught up. It looks like I am  actually four episodes behind.

Sarah, Megan, Micheal & The New Idiot, Maria

Sarah and Micheal are seeing a therapist and talking about getting their divorce pushed through. Michael thinks he is a good father. He also thinks he could be with Sarah if he wanted to. He’s probably not wrong there He has no shortage of women who want to be with him despite him not having a pot to piss in.

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Micheal apparently still has feelings for Sarah. They have another visit and one of the girls asks him to spend the night. So he does. And Maria is not going to be happy with this. So Micheal makes up a BS story and then spends the night with Sarah. They had sex.  I am having problems keeping all these foolish girls names straight. It amazes me how he doesn’t get caught calling them the wrong name.

So somehow, Sarah shows up to the hotel right when Michael and Maria are walking out for his cigarette break. And all hell is breaking loose in the parking lot. Why these idiots fight over this one dick is beyond me. There are tons of places to get dick in the world. Why are you all fighting over this fool? Hotel management comes out Cops are called.

Michael’s World Tour Continues…

He leaves Maria in the hotel room again to go call Megan Seriously, dude? Also, outside my window some dude is taking about ten kids to play at the school playground next door. Um, NOE. This is not how staying at home works. Oh and Meghan is a now the next Beyoncé. He goes in and tells Maria he has to go to Michigan. Apparently, he is really going to Texas to see Megan. These girls all need to get tested for STDs.

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For reasons I don’t really understand, Megan drives to the hotel at night where Michael is staying with Maria. Oh he didn’t come see the girls all day after promising to do so. Well, that didn’t last long.

Meanwhile, after these two fools fight over some dick, Michael flies off to meet up with the next Beyoncé in Texas. Because these are some REALLY stupid people. Like beyond how dumb we all were at this age. Just really, really dumb. At least baby Beyoncé is ready to end this. Do we even now why his hand as been in a bandage for four episodes straight. He tells her he is in love with Maria who doesn’t even know where he is. I wonder what these fools feel like when they watch this? I’d be wanting to kill a fool, for real.  Michael continues his tour of fools with Maria in Miami.  Meghan continues to pursue here signing career.  Michael lives with Maria in Miami. He is still legally married to Meghan. Is she pregnant? I didn’t get that part….

Lacey, Shane & John

Lacey and Michael need to hook up. They are two peas in a pod and they both seem to just want multiple partners on a string. Lacey’s father tries to talk some sense into his dumbass daughter. But, she has no brain activity whatsoever. Shane and Lacey’s dad work together to put up a trampoline. Then, her dad confronts Shane about his cheating incident. Her dad says Lacey is going to act out. Her dad doesn’t want tell Shane that Lacey is messing with John again.

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Lacey is an awful person. She just loves hurting people. It’s like a sickness. I don’t need to see her sexting with John. Lacey s loving this fight over her. The whore is so not worth it. She plans to keep them at each others throat. It’s a game to her. And they are idiots for playing her game. Let her go back to fishing for fools on the prison site. Shane and John come face to face. Shane literally gets thrown to the curb. Lacey is a moron.

Andrea & Lamar

I remember now. I did leave off with Andrea confronting Lamar over having condoms in his jacket pocket. Andrea literally tries to beat his ass. Lamar denies that they are his condoms. He tries to blame it on his brother. That story doesn’t seem to fly. Until, Andrea decides to believe it.

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A day or so later, Andrea’s friend comes to talk to her about #condomgate. She seems to believe Lamar and wants them to stay together. Andrea is not sure if she is crazy or if she is overreacting. These two go to talk in the mountains of Salt Lake. It’s really pretty there. I can’t wait for RHSLC. These two just need to get together.So, they decide to have a family vote to decide where to live. They both think the kids will vote with them. They need to live in Utah. That’s my vote. What do you mean I don’t get a vote? 🙂 The family meeting happens and they decide to do secret vote. The kids seem to want to go to LA. And the plan for LA wins.

Of course Andrea is such a drama queen. But I do agree that Utah would be a smarter choice. And then they want another kid? NO PLEASE STOP. Not to be a green snowflake but STOP ALREADY. Climate change. God, I really hate being and Independent swinging democrat. And they want  ANOTHER BABY in LA. Clearly,he does not use condoms.

Angela & Tony

There are way too many fools on this show. We literally get about three minutes on each couple and it is the same old shit. Tony has made dinner for Angela. And she is all into him again. Sigh. We all know he doesn’t have the money for champagne, and well food. Tony is pushing for a quick wedding. Why on earth would she marry him now?

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Angela takes Tony shopping for flowers for the wedding with an unlimited budget. Tommy goes shopping for wedding clothes with Tony and tells him that he proposed to Angela too. Angela is too fucking stupid to see that Tommy is the right choice here. Meanwhile, I have birds making nests in my front yard and the stupid birds of prey are already here trying to eat them. I do not want to witness this circle of life at them moment. I’m still traumatized from the last time it happens. The parent birds literally wail and cry when the huge birds sweep down for dinner.

A Three Man Bachelor Party

Tommy, Tony and Tony’s felon friend Andre go out for a bachelor party. Tommy plans to just ride this out. Though he does suggest that Tony leave her alone.  Tommy admits he wants to stop the wedding. Andre threatens him. Tommy sends Angela a video of Tony getting a lap dance. She shows up and drags his ass out of there. Please, Angela. You know what you are marrying. Is this what you want to do your whole life? Especially when you have someone who actually loves you without expectations. You deserve everything you are about to get.

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The next day, Angela apologizes to Tony and the wedding is back on. Tony is right. Angela will forgive him for anything. And she is a moron for marrying this fool. Angela’s family try to talk her out of this. She is not listening. Angela is going to marry the jackass. I can’t imagine getting married and saying on my wedding day,”Fuck all you bitches and hoes he is mine now.” I mean is that a normal thing sane people do? Drunk Tommy is sweet at the wedding.

48hours later, Angela goes through Tony’s phone. As one does two days after getting married. Oh and Angela, you are some dumb bitch. Stevie Wonder would have objected to your marriage and you do not deserve a friend like Tommy BECAUSE YOU NEVER LISTEN AND YOU ARE STUPID AS SHIT! Angela kicked Tony out of her house.

Tracie & Clint

Tracie calls so that Clint can get her her dope. He flushes it down the toilet. He’s paid $5,000 for her bond and he is probably going to lose that. He is starting to realize perhaps Tracie is not a goddess after all. Clint talks to his mother once again about the situation with Tracie. Once again she tells him to leave her. Clint is going to move in with his mother. If Tracie doesn’t go to rehab he says he is done. But do we believe him?

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Next, Clint tells his mom that he thinks Tracie is back at his house. He wants to go check on the dog and try to talk to Tracie one more time about rehab. Because that worked so well in the past. What he needs to do is call a locksmith and get the locks changed. Tracie has Clint’s car, again. Because he is a dumbass. He wants his mom to give him a ride to his house. She refuses. Finally. He hitches a ride probably with production, or maybe with Uber. And she has locked him out of the house.

Clint Calls His Mama Again

Dude, you need to cut your losses with this one and let her go to jail. She’s not going to rehab. And for the love of God get your car keys back. Tracie thinks having an abortion is the worst thing she ever did. I think it is the smartest thing. Tracie finally wants to go to rehab. So Clint fucking stays. She is going to take his dog and run.

Clint is taking Tracie to rehab. I predict she runs before she gets there. So off they go in the Camero. I am trying not to judge that. Clint’s mom is so sweet.  I hope this works for Tracie. I hope she comes out as Clint’s Goddess. But…. Tracie is freaking out. She left rehab after 24 hours. But eventually completed a 45 day program. 45 days???? Clint was there to pick her up.

Brittany & Marcelino

This is probably the one couple that I sometimes think could work. But Marcelino has lied to her about going to play poker with his cousin. But his cousin has called looking for him. Marcelino is actually out taking poker lessons from some female. She is brutally honest with him. Basically, he’s not a great poker player.

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The next day, Brittany drops the kids off with her mom so she can confront Marcelino. Brittany dumps a beer on him and slaps the shit out of him. Then she runs off to her prison girlfriend. Oddly, they meet outside the prison.

Later, Marcelino and Brittany have an honest talk. I am glad that they made up. But I worry about Brittany’s relationship with her female girlfriend. Then, we find out that Brittany was denied seeing her other kids. I get that she is better now. But if the kids are happily placed, they can find out when they are 18 if they choose to. I get it is hard, but they will likely want to meet her in the future. These two have a gender reveal party. I need Marcelino to wrap it up. It’s a boy. So stop already.

Cheryl & Josh

This may be the worst pairing of them all and that is saying something. Cheryl is back in her hometown with her kids. I feel like the sperm donors for these kids needs to try to get custody. Hopefully, these two stay apart. It looks like they are done. Finally. Good choice.