I cannot believe that it is already Summer House recap time! It seems like it was just yesterday Carl was making me murdery. If you missed the douchebaggery last week, click here. We begin with Lindsay still crying in the bathroom. “Best friend” Carl could care less. Hannah, Amanda and Jules bring Lindsay some emergency rosé, along with shoulders to cry on.
Over at the big pot luck dinner, Carl drinks continuously. That’s Lindsay’s fault, remember? Fucker. Lindsay pulls herself together and makes it to dinner. Hannah and Luke flirt. Carl gets aggressive with Luke. He is such a dick, drunk or sober. Lindsay tells him to drink some water. He tells her they are just friends so she should mind her business. She warns him not to activate her because he hasn’t seen her activated. Lindsay leaves the table because Carl is such a dick. Lindsay stays home and cries while everyone else goes out. Poor Lindsay.
If Only Maturity Came In Alcohol Form
The next morning Carl feigns amnesia regarding his all out assholeness during dinner. Kyle looks on awkwardly while Lindsay and Carl argue. Carl blames his assholery on being drunk. Lindsay doesn’t want to hear it or talk about it while she is still so upset. He won’t let up because he feels guilty. Fucker. Jordan and Jules attempt but do not have sex. Can’t imagine what the issue is? Hannah and Luke continue to flirt. Oh wow, it’s the end of the weekend so everyone begins to pack. That was a quick weekend.
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In the city, Lindsay Facetimes with her dad. She thinks the world of her dad and would love to find a man who is as wonderful as he is. Hannah interviews Drake Bell on her podcast “Berning in Hell”. Paige stops by with coffee. Paige had a nice weekend away with Perry but she wants to slow down their relationship. He is ready for an engagement. For her, it’s moving too fast. Hannah tells Paige that Luke asked her out on a date. She confesses that she and Armand are done. Paige doesn’t seem too surprised.
Coolest First Date Ever
YES it’s time for Hannah and Luke’s date! I’m so excited. Until I see Luke’s hat. What is that? It was kind of Debbie Gibson to allow him to borrow her hat. Hannah’s rooftop must have been unavailable because Luke takes her to a really cool place where they have to slide down to the bar area. Literally use a slide. Oh these millennials! They play skee ball, shoot hoops and have a great time.
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Luke is smitten with Hannah. Hannah seems smitten in return. SPOILER ALERT I heard through the grapevine that they are together currently. I hope that’s true because I have never rooted for a Summer House couple the way I’m rooting for them. Luke attempts a goodnight kiss, which Hannah rejects. She is such a boss bitch I just can’t! I bow to thee, Hannah. There isn’t enough restraint in the world. I would still be kissing him as I type.
Luke Arrives On A Motorcycle. That Is All.
The gang heads back to the Hamptons. Paige gets caught up on all the happenings she missed. Luke rolls up on a motorcycle which turns Hannah on. They’re having separate girls/guys nights at the house. Pjs for the girls, batting cages for the boys. In the car, Jordan tells the guys that Hannah broke up with Armand. Carl asks Luke if he is into Hannah. Luke says he’s unsure. That made me mad until I realized that Luke is talking to Carl. Why would he open up to that douche canoe? Carl threatens to beat Luke if he hurts her. Sure Carl.
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At home, the girls play truth or dare. Amanda confesses to wanting to have revenge sex to show Kyle how much it hurts to be cheated on. Jules gets dared to have phone sex with Jordan (ewe). Amanda gets asked who she would leave behind in a fire. She says Jules. Jules is visibly hurt. Amanda says it’s because she doesn’t trust Jordan, so she feels she can’t trust Jules. Jules throws the hypocrisy back at Amanda by pointing out that Kyle cheated on her. How can Amanda trust Kyle? Welp Jules, she doesn’t. That is why she is miserable. Of course she can’t admit that so she projects on to everyone else. Easiest target currently is Jules.
Mean Girls & Jealous Boys
Amanda comes up with bullshit about Kyle only lying once as opposed to Jordan lying about his whole life. Lindsay tells Amanda that she can’t hold Jules accountable for Jordan’s actions. Meanwhile, Carl passive-aggressively taunts Luke. It finally comes out that Carl is pissed that Luke asked Sarah to go rock climbing. Luke says it’s not a date but Carl is ready to throw down. However, Luke remains calm because, hockey player. Luke would drop his goofy ass in a second. We end with Jordan sandwiched between Luke and Carl. Right where Jordan has always dreamt to be.
Next week on Summer House recap: Jordan tells Jules that he loves her. Hannah and Luke kiss! Carl invites Sarah to the Hampton’s house which infuriates Lindsay. Kyle wants to be single. Thank you all for reading! See you in the comments!
This is by far the best show on Bravo right now! I was DYING when Jules called Jordan! And those girls were frickin HILARIOUS! And you’re right, Hannah is such a Boss Bitch….I absolutely LOVE her ???
Isn’t she??? That was a total boss move. She knows what she’s doing.
“We end with Jordan sandwiched between Luke and Carl. Right where Jordan has always dreamt to be. Best line ever!!!!
Haha thank you!!! ❤️❤️
I laughed out loud when I read that because it’s so true! Jordan had this big smile on his face while supposedly “breaking up the fight”. More like he inserted himself between them for his idea of male bonding! Between this and some other things Jordan said and did last year, I’m pretty sure he’s secretly gay. He’s had opportunities with several very attractive girls that he seems to self-sabotage. Plus he’s from an extremely strict Christian background that would probably frown upon him coming out. I just hate how he’s deceiving poor Jules to secure a bed in the Summer House! Between he, Carl and Kyle, they have the maturity of 12 year old boys. We need more REAL MEN like Luke in the Summer House!!
Yes- classic!! I laughed hard when Jordan said after Kyle kept missing baseballs, that if Kyle didn’t hit one, he should “have to run around the whole place NAKED “… in your dreams, pal
Haha…he actually said it twice!
This recap is so good that I may break down and watch this episode. I did see Karl and Luke on WWHL. Luke was cool, Karl was a douche canoe cuntsatchel. No surprise.
Thank you!! You should watch it.
It was a good episode. Carl is the biggest douchebag on this show. I won’t say Bravo because that title goes to Jax and Reza
to share. I think Luke is soooo hot!!
The phone sex dare might have been the most awkward minute of the entire show! I loved it!
Carl needs to make this his last summer he just repeats the same actions over and over but just changes out the lady. I was actually into him and Lindsay.
Haha it was so painful ? You know, I honestly was into them for a second too. Lindsay is way, way too good for him.
The best thing the producers ever did was to bring in the younger women. They are so much more enjoyable than those one boob flashing twins. Which is a very weird thing to do with your sister and your mom.
omg agreed! they are much more lighthearted and fun and perfect for television. Sometimes less drama is a good thing. Too bad Carl is a douchebag who’s still around. I was into him but his behavior has been out of control and ridiculous.
Agree! Hannah and Paige are great additions. Carl is awful.
Carl coming for Luke was a pisser, seriously Bru??? it would take Luke a matter of minutes to have Carl in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth sucking his thumb.
Luke would knock Carl for a loop. Carl would be so loopy that he would start buying shorts that fit ?
Great recap- I was watching Americas Top Dog with my mom and during a commerical switched over to Summer House. The scene when the boys were in the car on their way to boys night was on. Carl had just said he would kick Luke’s ass if he hurts Hannah. My mom said who is the dork in the front passenger seat, referring to Carl. She has never seen the show , has no idea who is who or what is going on. With one sentence from Carl she knew exactly the kind of asshat he is. I like Hannah and Luke together. She knows her value and makes no apologies for who she is. I hope Luke isn’t in it for the thrill of the chase.
Thank you!! Haha your mom nailed it! ? I am shipping Hannah and Luke so hard. I hope he isn’t either. I don’t want to hate Luke. He’s so hot ?
I just don’t get why these girls who have so much going for them are so into these guys who seem (at least to me) so clearly gay. I can’t wrap my head around it. It’s a stumbling block for me enjoying the show as I spend way too much time yelling at my tv. Like a crazy person! Other than that it’s quickly becoming one of my favorites. I may have to go back and watch from the beginning. Thanks for the great recap and if someone could explain the appeal of the guys to me I’d really appreciate it. Seriously. Is it that bad out there?
a) Yes it is that bad out there.
b) I’ve noticed that people who don’t have friends who are gay are generally clueless unless a man is crossdressing and wearing a full face of makeup. Seriously. I’m not trying to be funny here.
It’s really sad! I guess it sticks out more to me because I’m watching I’m watching for the first time this season so I don’t have all the history. Sad for the girls and the guys. I enjoy the drama but I don’t like seeing people confuse and hurt themselves and each other. Last night my husband said all these guys except Luke are like the guy “who just bought a boat”. I don’t know if you watch SNL but, I thought it was a really good comparison.
Thank you Fizz!!! I agree with Tamara. Some women will find a man attractive and unless it’s super obvious, they think they can win him over. With someone like Jordan, who comes from an ultra religious family, it must hard to to admit to themselves. Never mind admitting it to the beautiful girl who chases him.
Thank you! I had no idea Jordan’s family was super religious. That really helps put some of the puzzle pieces into place.
Fizz- I agree with you 100%. The only guy I find physically attractive is Luke. I like his banter with Hannah because she challenges him and makes him work for her attention, but he could be a totally different guy to another girl. Maybe some of them cross the line with each other when alcohol is involved. Carl and Kyle can have wiener sword fights while Jordan cheers them on for all I care but they are entertaining.
They are all definitely entertaining! I agree!