I cannot believe that it is already Summer House recap time! It seems like it was just yesterday Carl was making me murdery. If you missed the douchebaggery last week, click here. We begin with Lindsay still crying in the bathroom. “Best friend” Carl could care less. Hannah, Amanda and Jules bring Lindsay some emergency rosé, along with shoulders to cry on.
Over at the big pot luck dinner, Carl drinks continuously. That’s Lindsay’s fault, remember? Fucker. Lindsay pulls herself together and makes it to dinner. Hannah and Luke flirt. Carl gets aggressive with Luke. He is such a dick, drunk or sober. Lindsay tells him to drink some water. He tells her they are just friends so she should mind her business. She warns him not to activate her because he hasn’t seen her activated. Lindsay leaves the table because Carl is such a dick. Lindsay stays home and cries while everyone else goes out. Poor Lindsay.
If Only Maturity Came In Alcohol Form
The next morning Carl feigns amnesia regarding his all out assholeness during dinner. Kyle looks on awkwardly while Lindsay and Carl argue. Carl blames his assholery on being drunk. Lindsay doesn’t want to hear it or talk about it while she is still so upset. He won’t let up because he feels guilty. Fucker. Jordan and Jules attempt but do not have sex. Can’t imagine what the issue is? Hannah and Luke continue to flirt. Oh wow, it’s the end of the weekend so everyone begins to pack. That was a quick weekend.
In the city, Lindsay Facetimes with her dad. She thinks the world of her dad and would love to find a man who is as wonderful as he is. Hannah interviews Drake Bell on her podcast “Berning in Hell”. Paige stops by with coffee. Paige had a nice weekend away with Perry but she wants to slow down their relationship. He is ready for an engagement. For her, it’s moving too fast. Hannah tells Paige that Luke asked her out on a date. She confesses that she and Armand are done. Paige doesn’t seem too surprised.
Coolest First Date Ever
YES it’s time for Hannah and Luke’s date! I’m so excited. Until I see Luke’s hat. What is that? It was kind of Debbie Gibson to allow him to borrow her hat. Hannah’s rooftop must have been unavailable because Luke takes her to a really cool place where they have to slide down to the bar area. Literally use a slide. Oh these millennials! They play skee ball, shoot hoops and have a great time.
Luke is smitten with Hannah. Hannah seems smitten in return. SPOILER ALERT I heard through the grapevine that they are together currently. I hope that’s true because I have never rooted for a Summer House couple the way I’m rooting for them. Luke attempts a goodnight kiss, which Hannah rejects. She is such a boss bitch I just can’t! I bow to thee, Hannah. There isn’t enough restraint in the world. I would still be kissing him as I type.
Luke Arrives On A Motorcycle. That Is All.
The gang heads back to the Hamptons. Paige gets caught up on all the happenings she missed. Luke rolls up on a motorcycle which turns Hannah on. They’re having separate girls/guys nights at the house. Pjs for the girls, batting cages for the boys. In the car, Jordan tells the guys that Hannah broke up with Armand. Carl asks Luke if he is into Hannah. Luke says he’s unsure. That made me mad until I realized that Luke is talking to Carl. Why would he open up to that douche canoe? Carl threatens to beat Luke if he hurts her. Sure Carl.
At home, the girls play truth or dare. Amanda confesses to wanting to have revenge sex to show Kyle how much it hurts to be cheated on. Jules gets dared to have phone sex with Jordan (ewe). Amanda gets asked who she would leave behind in a fire. She says Jules. Jules is visibly hurt. Amanda says it’s because she doesn’t trust Jordan, so she feels she can’t trust Jules. Jules throws the hypocrisy back at Amanda by pointing out that Kyle cheated on her. How can Amanda trust Kyle? Welp Jules, she doesn’t. That is why she is miserable. Of course she can’t admit that so she projects on to everyone else. Easiest target currently is Jules.
Mean Girls & Jealous Boys
Amanda comes up with bullshit about Kyle only lying once as opposed to Jordan lying about his whole life. Lindsay tells Amanda that she can’t hold Jules accountable for Jordan’s actions. Meanwhile, Carl passive-aggressively taunts Luke. It finally comes out that Carl is pissed that Luke asked Sarah to go rock climbing. Luke says it’s not a date but Carl is ready to throw down. However, Luke remains calm because, hockey player. Luke would drop his goofy ass in a second. We end with Jordan sandwiched between Luke and Carl. Right where Jordan has always dreamt to be.
Next week on Summer House recap: Jordan tells Jules that he loves her. Hannah and Luke kiss! Carl invites Sarah to the Hampton’s house which infuriates Lindsay. Kyle wants to be single. Thank you all for reading! See you in the comments!