It’s time for another Pump Rules Recap. I’m really late and was actually ready to start just a bit ago when I was informed that Jax Taylor was having a meltdown on Twitter. Again. He said his wedding was perfect except for Sandoval and Ariana being there. He said he had not talked to or seen Tom and Ariana since the wedding. He was trashing Sandoval, basically making shit up about how awful Sandoval is to Ariana’s brother, Jeremy. You know the brother he let move in. Sigh. Sandoval called him out in return and called him a whiny little bitch. Jax said Sandoval is always mean to Schwartz. It was Jax mixing steroids and alcohol again, probably. Now on with the show.
It’s A Mystery
I feel like I missed an episode and yet, here the the recap of the last one. I remember everyone getting to Kentucky and all of that but I don’t remember ending with the rehearsal party in full swing. #dementia Anyhoo, Brittany’s rehearsal dinner will be a murder mystery party. I’ve kind of always wanted to go to one of those. But Stassi could not be more thrilled. Stassi loves murder! Unfortunately for her ego, Lala is the one who gets the killer right. Go figure. It takes one with suspicious motives to know someone with suspicious motives. Lala’s underarm tattoo looks like a tumah! I can only imagine how it will look on her bat wings when she is 70.
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The three bitches go straight into trashing Carter and Kristen. Lala has no skin in this game and needs to STFU. Especially since Kristen was the only one nice to Lala when she first came on the show.
Meanwhile In LA, It’s A Tom Tom Pride Shirt Scandal
Apparently, Tom “I Want To Be Exclusive” Boyens does not in fact want to be exclusive. He was spending time the night of pride with some other unknown female. She post a photo of herself on Instagram in pretty much nothing but a Tom Tom Pride shirt that was most likely his, The other waitress that thought she was in an exclusive relationship with Max was the bearer of the bad news. She still seems very invested. Later, Dayna confronts Max about the other woman. Max is a horrible liar. Dayna dumps him. Then she dips his necklace in the kitty litter before giving it to him.
Am I In An Alternate Universe?
All he girls and the guys go out to hit the town. Meanwhile, Jax stays in his hotel room thinking about his dead daddy. Then he goes to bed early because he just would not feel right about getting wasted. REALLY? Let’s see how long this lasts. Perhaps he plans on doing on the wedding coke once the cameras leave without having to share it.
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Kristen is in a bad way. For some reason she picks a fight with Beau of all people for not being there for her. Hell, if her former BFF Stassi isn’t there for her, why on earth would she expect to hear from Beau? Beau explains that he and Stassi are getting a lot closer and she is his world right now. This causes Kristen to cry. Everyone is happy except her. That seems to be her plight every season. I feel for her. Apparently, Jax likes to take his dad’s asses with him when he is out cruising in the car. Or working in his yard.
Drinks By The Pool
Stassi says that Kristen is psycho and she doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Everyone apparently just so happened to wake up ready to trash Kristen. I hate all of these morons. Then, we find out that Schwartz supposedly lost his marriage certificate so he and Katie are not really married. I don’t believe that. I think they just wanted a storyline. Or production assigned them that storyline. Later at the wedding Lance Bass “accidentally gets the word out.”
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Why would you want to get a pedicure in public by a pool? It’s the day before the wedding and Brittany wisely planned a hangover day of just chilling with an outdoor spa day at the pool. Everyone shit talks Kristen some more. Scheana tells Lala about Raquel’s ultimatum with James. And she also tells her that James has agreed to go to his first AA meeting. This is really tacky of Scheana to announce James’ private matters in the middle of a party. If he wanted them to know, he would have told them. It’s bad enough he wasn’t allowed to come to the wedding.
Mama Drama
Later that night Lisa Vanderpump shows up with Ken. Everyone acts like the Queen of England has popped in for a visit. There was some sort of delay in the burial of LVP’s mom so she came to Kentucky to get paid for the wedding episode Suddenly, Jax and LVP have been like mother and son for ten years. Shockingly, they showed no footage of this. Stassi can’t wait to report to Lisa that Katie and Schwartz never filed their wedding certificate. All of this is quickly forgotten about when someone notices that Beau is outside doing the boot scoot boogie with a bunch of locals celebrating pride. Um, interesting…
That night the girls have a onsie party That Brittany ends early to get her beauty rest. Meanwhile, Jax is trying to die of alcohol poisoning before the wedding the next day. We get a montage of all of the shitty things Jax has done to Brittany. He claims he is a changed man and Jax will die with the wedding. I’m not holding my breath. He’s certainly still showing his ass on Twitter.
They don’t show enough of Carter for us to understand all the hate…. Katie did have a one night stand with him though. Seems like the cast keeps trying to ice Kristen out, but they’re making her more relevant and likable.
Jax obviously thinks he has the upper hand over Sandoval and Ariana. I hope whatever power move he is contemplating backfires. The show doesn’t need his lying ass. Hard to get over Jax’ smug attitude after all the shit he has pulled- theft, Faith and the old lady— not to mention sleeping with His best friend’s girlfriend. Brittany is crazy for marrying that asshole, but probably she is one as well.
Brittany is just as bad if she thinks this oaf is a good catch. Who marries someone that has cheated on them repeatedly? Are women THAT desperate? I can understand trying to work on a marriage but a stupid boyfriend? You go to counseling with a boyfriend? Oh hell no. When I was young and a catch, no way would I be with anyone that at the start of our relationship cheated on me or made me feel like shit. That’s when everything is wonderful. I didn’t start having problems in my marriage until we had children.
Everybody in the Uk knows funerals take 3-4 weeks, all that shite that LVP came out with is just not true.I flew to North London for a cremation on the 21st of Feb, the man died Wednesday the 22nd of January!
Wow. We bury them much faster in the states. Usually 5-10 days.
Hi Laura, in Ireland we bury our dead in 2-3 days, nothing to do with religion.. as we are such a small country that’s considered the norm. We find it mind blowing how long it takes in the UK!
The way you referenced Beau’s boot scoot boggie makes me wonder if they’re your blind couple… I hope not, they work so well together.
Yes, the level of bowing and scraping to LVP was vomitous.
A good drinking game for this episode would’ve been every time Brittany shrieks, “I’m getting MARE-eed!” Good luck girl, you’re going to need it.
With her stupid Gomer Pyle laugh. I used to like the girl; not anymore
There is so much vocal fry between the new girls I’m overwhelmed by it. I think Beau is possibly the only person I’d want to actually spend time with out of the cast and I think he’s really good for Stassi. They seem genuinely happy. Katie is so mean and bitter, Kristen is a complete fuck up and she’s not in her early twenties any more, LaLa basically sold herself to an old guy, James emotionally and verbally abuses Racquel and I have no words for the smug sanctimony of Jax and Brittany. I give it five years, tops. Summerhouse is everything VPR used to be.
I use to like her too. I think her sweet disposition is fake as fuck now.
Train wreck. I must watch. Hanging my head in shame.
Kristen and Beau were friends before he started dating Stassi. Kristen actually set them up. I think that’s why she’s upset with him. I really feel for her, but girl needs lots of therapy to understand why she loves toxic relationships! Jax is just ridiculous! He keeps promising on Twitter that everything will be revealed about Tom Sandoval’s true nature on the reunion. But, he makes that promise every year about whatever person he has issues with and it never pans out. He’s just a douche!
I think Jax is trying to deflect. He is focusing way too much energy on Tom. It is bizarre to see a grown man, a now “family man” act like that. Real adults move on because they have other things going on in their lives. He should focus that time and energy on trying to make a profit on that supposed beer cheese.
There must be something coming. He is trying way too hard to make Sandoval the bad guy. I am betting Jax has some drama somewhere in the season. There hasn’t been one season without a big Jax f up.
Scheana, its ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS!
Anonymous is the important word here.
Do I feel badly for Kristen? Yes. Is this the bed she made for herself? Yes. Do I think Stassi and Katie are being bitchy? Yes. Do I blame them? No. Kristen has never been my favorite, I have been ready for her to go for the entire series. She has never really “redeemed” herself to me.
This castle, fairy tale thing is SO ANNOYING! I really feel like if she had not been on the show she would have gotten married at Disney and the Cinderella castle. But there is no way they would have paid for her wedding so here we are at some random Kentucky castle. Blech. Ironically, I can totally see my daughter wanting to do this for a wedding. Granted, she is 7.
Sadly, I don’t believe that this marriage will last. I do think that Jax losing his father has affected him deeply.
But he is still willing to write out his mother, he has still cheated on Brittany, he is still Jax. For those reasons, this marriage has a shelf life. Katie and Tom have a better chance at having a longstanding marriage. Aside from Tom and Ariana but they will never get married.
I love Beau. Good for Stassi.
I’m guessing Disney turned down the show and Brittany.
You said it better than I did. Jax is wrong in the situation with his mom. How dare he cut his mother out of his life because she did what her husband wanted her to do. Jax has got the guilts and he’s blaming his mother. What kind of a son does that? He only thinks of himself and will make Britanny’s life a living hell
Read on Twitter last night in the fight thread that Jax and his sister took the life insurance and left the mother with nothing. Not sure if that is true.
BUT WHAT THERE WAS EVIDENCE TO PROVE is that his father’s car dealership took up money to cover the funeral and to take care of his mother, That was from a facebook account from the dealership at the time.
I have a feeling JAX is the asshole in this situation, OH and he used the life insurance money to buy Brittany’s ring alledgedly.
WOW. Just eww.
Not defending Jax at all, but he has said numerous times that his parents had been separated and were in the middle of divorcing when his father either got sick or passed. If that’s the case, I can see why the life insurance money would have gone to him and his sister. Also, the father would have had to have been the one to change the beneficiary. You can’t just say you’re taking the money and that’s that.
That makes sense but if he was also ill, I can see the wife of decades contesting it in court since they were still married. And Jax and his sister losing their shit over that. Thus the Jax martyr complex about what his mom did to him. So yeah they did take the money and run, allegedly.And let his coworkers raise money for the funeral and his mother.
Whenever someone dies things can get crazy and people act like twats who are entitled to whatever the deceased person had.
He’s trying to cover for his douche bag behavior. The dealership needed to take up a collection? That’s DISGUSTING! Jax and his sister are horrible people. If Jax loved his father as much as he loves money, he would have at least helped with the arrangements. I don’t care if the mom was going to leave him before he got sick. She’s been married to him for 40 years and who knows, he could have been an asshole to her for many years but she stayed and took care of him anyway.
Sandoval became the man Jax is still trying to be. Everyone is growing and moving up in life but Jax. And he’s the oldest in the group but definitely the most immature. He talks too much smack about Ariana also which is wild because she seems to be a dope chick. Looks like Jax low key wants Sandoval’s life… idk is it me?
Sandoval is a way nicer person than Jax. Jax has no empathy and thinks of no one but himself. Sandoval loves the mirror a bit too much for my taste, but at heart he is a nice guy.
I know we’re not supposed to make comment about looks but I miss the fresh faced Lala from her first season. I’m not sure if she’s trying to “look the part” of whatever she perceives to be a middle aged Hollywood producer’s wife, but she looks but something is off in her looks.
Between a tight outfit Aroana had on last week and the bathing suit she wore this last episode I was wondering if Ariana’s vagina recovered from.its sadness.
I hated to watch the pile up on Kristen. I don’t know why Katie, Stassi & Lala care so much about her status with Carter. They could still be her friend but chiose to not engage with her drama with him.if they’re so bothered. They’re mean girls.
I liked the LaLa we saw at first. I absolutely hate the LaLa that is shown to us now. I hate the holier than thou attitude now I am sober shit. Girl, you are a hoe. And that is ok. That doesn’t make you better than anyone. You slept your way into a nice place for yourself. And good for you, especially if you and your man love each other. But you talked about playing with each other assholes on national TV, so it is difficult to take you seriously. Keep those things private.
I only watched a couple episodes recently. Since hearing about the rules of what can or cannot be said to Jax and Brittany to keep them happy really was so ridiculous. They are not a king and/or queen (as VDP is not,lol) and the expected super special treatment is pathetic when ordered rather than naturally would occur, due to how kind, nice, humble they could be. Just yuck ? to the royal couple, lol.
I think we are going to see a whole different Brittany post wedding.
I can’t wait until they finish with the wedding. The last two episodes have been annoying as hell. I am tired of Brittany saying “I’m getting married”!
Who was that new person speaking valley-girlese and sharing “sad” news to Dayna about Max cheating on her? She could barely contain her glee telling Dayna about Max seeing someone else. Either that or she was excited for her (hopefully only) big moment on camera.
So.Many.New.Characters.
Her voice was is/so annoying. It’s like she went to the Kim Kardashian school of speech.
And her acting was terrible!! It was obvious she practiced that whole speech. And how desperate does it make HER look to spend the time tracking this girl down on Instagram for the sole purpose of accosting Dayna with it?!! Gettta life’
The only new person I like is Dayna. (I like Raquel but don’t think of her as new.) Watching Beau and Stassi on WWHL, I kept wishing Kristen would have kept him for herself. Stassi has gotten much more likeable, EXCEPT for the crap with Kristen. The WWHL poll voters sided against Kristen, 85% for the Bitches of WeHo. Stassi’s imitation of The Bad News Bearer SURver’s vocal fry was spot on. THAT is the Stassi I like. I love Beau more every week.
As for Jax vs. Sandoval … Ask yourself how you would have felt after YEARS of friendship being replaced by PJ Rand. (Nothing against Rand, just Jax.) After all, what do we expect from a guy who iced out his mother when she was NEWLY WIDOWED! You want to honor your dad, Jason? — start by treating your mom as your dad would have wanted you to.
Absolutely YES to your last sentence! Lord what a POS he is. Brittany should see how poorly he treats his mother is how poorly he will treat her.
She’s no better. She’s in it for the fame, money and getting MAYREEEED. She deserves what she gets.
Hey, are they still going to have their wedding in Italy? I am assuming it would be early next summer. I don’t really know. But I’m sure it would be a reason to watch because it would be beautiful.
The wedding is supposed to happen in October and supposedly it is still on for now. Per Stassi on WWHL.
If we have to sit through another “wedding season”, I am done with this show. First it was Tom and Katie, now Jax and Brittany. You know next season will be Stassi and/or Lala. I am so bored with the wedding stuff. Follow around a new bunch of idiots. The Bridezilla couple thing is played out.
Me too. I’m not going to watch the unholy union of Jax and Brittany either.
Jeez – they are really dragging out this wedding business. I feel like I’ve been trapped within those lamely fabricated castle walls for months.
I wonder if Brittany chose that venue because it comes with a perimeter wall that traps any panicking grooms-to-be and prevents escape?
What will be the next “thing” once the wedding episode is over?