Hope y’all are ready for what may be a triggering Summer House recap. Pulling pictures, I saw the previews and it looks like we will once again be riding the Gaslight Express tonight. Thank you Carl Fucking Radke. To catch up on last week’s episode click here. We begin where we left off last week with Kyle and Amanda arguing over dinner. I’m just going to sum this up: Amanda is overwhelmed and anxiety ridden. She tells Kyle that in a very direct, succinct way. I’m really proud of her for opening up. Kyle is willing to back off and be more supportive. I hope he honors that because Amanda is clearly going through something.
Stay Single Forever Carl
Lindsay picks up Jules and Carl to drive to the Hampton’s. Lindsay tells us that she hung out with Carl the entire week. Then Carl tells us (not Lindsay of course) that they are better off being friends. GASLIGHTING FUCKER. Hannah drives up with Jordan, who confesses to hooking up with Jules. Carl prods Jules in the other car. She says that they met at a photoshoot. They hit it off right away, had a great night. Then he ghosted her. That totally tracks.
At the house,Carl takes Kyle outside to talk about Lindsay. He wants to ruin the Miami Vice themed dinner party they’re going to before it even begins. Kyle tells Carl that he shouldn’t have chickened out when he spoke to Lindsay last week. Carl says he’s in a drinking spiral to cope with having his cake and eating it too. I used to have a soft spot for Carl. That has been replaced with seething anger. Kyle’s advice is to talk to Lindsay. My advice is to leave all women on this planet alone. Fucker.
Twice As Nice Dressed Like Miami Vice
We will be subjected to a Jules and Jordan storyline. I’m sorry guys. They try to have sex, they can’t. We know why. Hannah keeps saying how much she likes Armand. We all want Hannah to be happy. I hope that happens with Luke. I’m so mad that I don’t have pics from the Miami Vice party because they all look great. The waiters are all decked out in 80’s gear too! Most of the Summer House gang are too young to have ever seen it, which is pretty crushing.
Hannah and Luke flirt. Carl’s an asshole to Lindsay. Like straight up ignoring her and acting like an asshole. This is how you treat your “friend” Carl? Fucker. Everyone manages to have fun, despite the assholery that abounds.
Soft Pricks Everywhere
The next morning the gang splits up. Lindsay, Carl, Kyle, Luke and Jordan go to Barry’s boot camp. It Literally looks like hell on Earth. Hannah, Jules and Amanda go do yoga which looks way better. Carl openly flirts with Sarah, the trainer. Kyle pumps Carl up to ask Sarah on a date. Don’t mind that Lindsay is right within earshot, fuckers! I hate Carl and Kyle so much tonight. Sarah agrees to a date with Douche Canoe Carl, even though he’s dating Lindsay. Who is RIGHT THERE!
At yoga, Jules tells the girls that sex with Jordan was attempted but not completed. She likes Jordan so she’ll stick with it. Jules tells Hannah that she overheard Armand tell Lindsay that he and Hannah are casual. Hannah’s hurt because she has feelings for him. Thankfully, she will have Luke and his biceps to comfort her.
Back at the house, the gang gets ready for a potluck dinner. Hannah and Lindsay talk. Lindsay tells Hannah about her conversation with Armand. Hannah is hurt. She wants to find out where they stand. Hannah asks Lindsay about Carl. Lindsay says she’s getting too old to deal with childish bullshit. Hannah wants Lindsay to talk to Carl because Carl is a fuckboy who isn’t close to serious dating material. Hannah says they should talk sooner than later to salvage the friendship. As of tonight I feel like he’s not a friend and the “friendship” they had isn’t worth salvaging. Fucker.
Remember To Look Both Ways Before You Fuck Yourself Carl
Our final scene will be Carl and Lindsay having a “talk”. Carl tells Lindsay that he’s sorry for sending mixed signals to her. He says they should just be friends. Where have we heard this before? Oh right, Wirkus, Danielle, Paige…who all were “crazy” too. Everyone else is crazy. Gaslighting 101. I’m so proud that Lindsay stays so calm. She doesn’t let up on the fact that HE is the one who pursued a romantic relationship with her first.
He was fine with her until she starting developing real feelings for him. Then all of a sudden SHE is expecting too much. SHE is crazy. FUCK THAT. Lindsay starts to lose her cool when Carl shows zero remorse for asking the trainer on a date in front of her. He says that he can date because “more life”. I WANT TO PUNCH HIM IN HIS SMUG FACE. This is Jax level hatred. Lindsay walks away crying while Carl mutters that she’s crazy. FUCKER.
Next week on Summer House: The return of Paige. Lindsay gets activated. Amanda questions Jordan so Jules questions Amanda’s trust when Kyle cheated on her. OMG Luke asked Sarah the trainer out on a date too! That sends Carl over the edge. I LOVE LUKE!
WWHL With Carl & Luke Mini Recap
I have another edition of “I watched WWHL so you don’t have to”, Carl and Luke edition. I’ll sum up best I can since this recap is already 3,000 words long (sorry TT!). Carl looks douchey of course. Luke doesn’t look as hot tonight. Is his hair different?Andy asks Carl if he sees inconsistencies with how he treated Lindsay. He says he does. The poll taken shows everyone is on Lindsay’s side. Andy says Luke is way hotter than Armand so WTF is she conflicted about? Luke says that Hannah and Armand had an emotional connection. Another poll says that Hannah and Luke make a good couple.
We get an answer to a question that has plagued us all: why all the boxes on the porch? Carl says the girls order outfits for the weekend and have them shipped to the house. Seems expensive. Brandi Glanville tweeted about Luke’s awful hair. A caller asks if Carl would be comfortable kissing Luke so he did. Another caller asks Carl how he is going to break his gaslighting cycle. He says he has to work on himself. Andy plays a who’s the better catch game. Luke wins of course. Carl has zero remorse for anything. He and Jax should start a sociopath club. I’m going to bed angry. Bravo sociopaths.