Oh hey, y’all it’s me Tamara Tattles and I will be doing your Project Runway recap today. There was a misunderstanding about this week’s recap situation so I am that substitute teacher who just woke up and didn’t really want to face this class of behavior disordered middle schoolers today, yet here I am. I stayed up very, very, very late last night working on photos for Survivor and Project Runway because that is VERY IMPORTANT! In hindsight, it was an excuse for my oversleeping this morning and missing my workout. #SelfSabotage Also the weather is shit. I have a million things to do before tomorrow and basically I am in full on bitch mode. Thank God I didn’t give up cussng for Lent. I am my own worst enemy. Moving on…
Selecting Models, Selecting Fabrics
The model selection has shocked me every single week. Nancy went first and I totally wanted her to pick DD. They have a great vibe and DD is a great model. But how the hell is Thijin Bol not snapped up right away? She has single-handedly saved some of these designers! Does she have an abrasive attitude or something? She is an incredible model. After Nancy we had a dodgeball pick and Victoria was picked last. I love how she pretended she wasn’t furious. Geoffrey got Thijin. He will need her. I’m not on the Geoffrey love train.
They have an hour at Mood and $600 at Mood and Geoffrey once again has no idea what to do. Le sigh. Victoria is making her own fabric and it’s annoying everyone. Mostly because everyone knows she will be in final four if she sends out a naked model. Why? No one seems to know.
I’m no CJ Bomb, but to me, tons of pink and butterflies does not say avant garde. Geoffrey has finally decided to do latex. That is his thing. He rattles off a list of celebs he has designed for using latex. So why is he just doing this now? Marquise is making pants out of chains. While I am saying,” Oh sweetie, you are so getting auffed…” Christian is acting like it could work. Huh? Christian tells Victoria she’s got a hot mess going on. But, then he moves on to people who might have to present a decent design to stay in top four.
Next, the designers are taking in to a room that holds all of their prior designs. They pick two they think best represents their aesthetic. They will show three designs in total like a mini retrospective collection. This is a simple twist. A seamstress will do the model fittings on the two new models. Christian tries to help Brittany. But she is all in on her plans. That’s the theme of this season,”No One Listens to Christian.” Geoffrey thinks latex underwear is the way to go. And he has the usual last minute catastrophe. This time he prick himself with a needle or something. Sergio is making a Samurai inspired dress. He finally explains why he is such a know-it-all. He was picked on in school until he”exuded confidence.” He didn’t seem to learn you can be confident without putting down others.
The Last Minute Panic
The first time I watched this I totally missed the fact that the runway show was at dawn. I did kind of wonder how they had the vessel all to themselves. They get up at 1:45 am to prepare. That’s an early bedtime for me these days. Nancy decides to remove the sleeves during editing. DD agrees. These two work well together. Geoffrey explains to Thijin what lube is for. You know, other than latex.
And here is the problem. Victoria is bashing ‘Sergio’s hair and makeup as being “so cliché.” Whoever is rigging this contest for her is also telling her what the judges are going to say about . It seems Sergio’s giant ego and cutting remarks about Christian (!!!) and Brandon have lost him this contest. I think we should be judging based on the work, not on the personality of the designers. Sergio’s loses him placement and Geoffrey’s constant sobbing somehow earns him points. One is an asshole, the other a wounded puppy. So y’all. I know you think Geoffrey is the bees knees. But on what planet is a pair of latex panties an accomplishment? Victoria’s talking head tells the whole story. Everyone is in on the fix for Victoria to win. Production doubles down on my theory by showing another confessional of Sergio’s rude arrogance.
The Vessel is amazing. And everything is open all the way to the top. Brandon has vertigo and a fear of heights. He is unable to go to the top with the other judges. The runway show is stunning. The best we have ever had on any episode of Survivor. Everything looks amazing in this setting. Elaine and her opera glasses are everything. I liked Brittany at first. I don’t care for her past selections.Fancy Nancy’s collection is amazing.
The judges literally gasp when Sergio’s dress comes out. They can’t say enough nice things about it. They are gushing. Production continues to interject Sergio’s bragging into the talk overs. I’m starting to think they are really amping up his bragging. These word seem very repetitive. I’m not saying he is not an ass. I am saying they are REALLY trying to sell that he is an ass because he pissed someone important off right at the gate. Even Christian was swooning over his dress.
Then comes Hooker Couture. Victoria’s collection is what I high class hooker with no fashion sense would by with her john’s credit cards. And he would probably like it. I don’t. Marquise’s chain pants somehow look good in the Vessel. But his other looks, particularly his male look, is so much better. I’m pretty sure chain pants get you sent home with butterfly girl.
Sergio compliments Geoffrey’s look. The jacket is amazing. He is totally in. Fancy Nancy’s looks were great and the most cohesive of the bunch. Somehow even more cohesieve than Victoria’s nearly identical designs.
The Judges Comments
Shockingly, Elaine loves Brittany’s hot pink. Karlie says it is poorly executed. Nina says the “kitchiness” of the plastic butterflies is distracting. ‘Kitchy’ is not a word you want uttered in the judges appraisal of your work. She is out.
Once again the judges floor me with their compliments on Marquise’s chain pants. He is also out.
The guest judge says that Nancy’s is one of her favorites. Everyone seems to love it except for Nina. She doesn’t like “the black cloud.” Nina is pissed Geoffrey hasn’t done latex prior to this challenge.
And then it is time for them to go against every single thing they said at the runway show and blast Sergio. They claim he is stealing looks from other designers again. Now the last time he was accused of this I agreed with the judges. But this time it is bullshit and they are just looking for reasons.
His design is nothing like the other Japanese inspired looks we are shown by shady production. They are really going to make him squirm for his rightful place in the final four. It’s payback for all of his rude comments this season, nothing more and Nina is the primary mouthpiece. He is the rightful winner of this challenge and the season. But he will never be acknowledged as such. Sergio points out that his design is nothing like the others. Then she says exactly what Victoria said, it’s the hair and makeup. YES! This is the traditional hair and makeup of Japanese Samauri inspired looks. Shut up Nina.
The Final Four
Brandon is just decided to have fun with the whole “Victoria is the Winner of Project Runway” storyline by pretending he likes what he calls the look’s “breast hammock earring.” I love Brandon. He struggles the most with saying what he is told. He says this in response to Elaine basically saying she prefers the latex panty to the breast hammock earring. Neither should be in the final. Yet, here we are.
And so the final four are Fancy Nancy, Sergio, Geoffrey and Victoria. Who are you rooting for? Sergio deserves to win. Fancy Nancy is right up there. Geoffrey should not win but he has a pitiful underdog story despite having worked with many celebrities so you never know. And clearly Victoria is blowing somebody.