On Tonight’s Pump Rules recap, Jax makes both Toms cry. Scheana interferes with Brett’s love life. Ariana opens up about her anxiety and depression. And Lisa Vanderpump gets some tragic news. Well, that seems like an uplifting hour of television. At any rate, I am doing my civic duty by watching the democratic debates right now and have the rest taping in the other room. So this is a welcome break from that. But I urge you all to watch the debates. If at no other time than when we have only two candidates.
My favorite thing about Pump Rules is the theme song. Schwartz and Katie got a lizard. Schwartz named him dog and dog is not eating. I predict dog will be dead by the end of the episode. Meanwhile, Stassi trashes Sandoval to Schwartz.
Over at the Cauchi household, Jax, Brittany and Brittany’s mama are fake planning the seating to Jax can announce that he is kicking Sandoval of the wedding party. So why doesn’t Brittany mention she now has an unescorted bridesmaid? Because this is all bullshit and Sandoval will be in the wedding. Probably. I don’t really remember. Oh eventually Jax mentions it. Brittany is being such a whiner about a situation that she created herself by waiting so long to replace the backwoods pastor.
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At the Sandoval-Madix household, Ariana is furious that Brittany thought having Jax beat up Sandoval was the best way to end an uncomfortable conversation. This sort of thing exacerbates Ariana’s anxiety.
Welcome To the Show, Rand!
On the Bravo site, they said this is Randall’s first time on the show. I can’t stand Lala’s affected accent. Or her pomposity. Randall is very fond of Jax because they are close in age. I guess this explains how Jax and Brittany get to go on all the trips on the jet to exotic locales with these two. Is Randall emotionally the same age as Jax? Probably. I am not sure that Lala really even likes Britanny. They don’t have anything in common. But, Britanny has managed to get and A storyline this season so Lala and all the Witches of WeHo are scrambling to suck up to her for air time.
Oh! Oh, Scheana!
LVP’s hot male yoga instructor arrives only to find out that LVP is not in the mood for yoga today. She could have of course called to cancel, but who would she film with? Hot yoga dude says in his talking heads that they often do not actually do yoga. But he does whatever she wants. I bet he does. Oh! Hot yoga guy is Brett! Sorry, I have no facial recognition skills. They talk about how Scheana Brett says that Scheana makes him coddle her he is not interested. LVP says he needs to tell her that. He has but…they both say it at once, “Scheana only hears what she wants to hear.”
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Last week, Max told Dayna he wanted to be exclusive. This week, when talking to Katie and Schwartz it seems he is not really sure what exclusive means. Dude, it was your idea! Later, Dayna tells us that Max going “exclusive” seems to have made her less of a priority. Brett asks out Charli. When Scheana invites Brett over “to try her enchiladas” he points out he has a lunch date with Charli. Scheana immediately tells him Charli isn’t his type and they should just be friends. Scheana needs to put her own name in that sentence. Also, if the old farts don’t want to film with her, she needs to be off the show. Brett and Charli’s date goes horribly.
You Are Not Invited To My Special Day!
Jax and Tom have a chat where all serious chats take place on this show, in the back alley. Jax starts off by demanding an apology. Then, Jax says he found out “our pastor” (as if Jax had ever laid eyes on the guy) lied to us. We took care of it. Problem solved. I don’t for a minute think that pastor lied to them. They claim he said that his comments on social media are not his beliefs. They are. And I am quite sure Brittany and her mama an em have heard it multiple time from the pulpit.
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When Tom tries to respond with, “Here is the thing Jax…” Jax gets some kind of road rage immediately because Tom wants to bring up the past. Sandoval says,, “You know who doesn’t like to bring up the past? Hypocrites and people with bad credit.” More bitching leads to Jax telling Sandoval he can’t have him at his wedding.
Table For Randall…
Who makes reservations with their first name? Randall Emmett, apparently. Jax immediately starts raging like a bull on steroids as soon as Emmett sits down about Sandoval. Then he makes yet another repulsive comment about Ariana’s sexuality. What does that have to do with anything and how does it help the whole, “We are not homophobes who hired a pastor who preaches that gay people are going to hell?”stance in your argument with Sandoval? Then Jax jumps down Brittany’s throat.
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While the guys go to the bathroom together. As men do. Oh wait. Anyway, Brittany asks Lala what to do about Ariana since her escort has been banned from the wedding. Lala says she thinks Ariana is a wet blanket. Brittany laughs. This will all be important in an upcoming scene. Lala says she would not want her in her wedding. But, I guess she will still “eat her cookie.” But she goes on to totally trash Ariana and Sandoval. Because, this is Brittany’s A storyline season. Jax comes back with his potty time with Randall and announces that he wants Randall in his wedding. He keeps saying his wedding and his day like he is the bride. Randall agrees. I am sure Jax will throw him out later.
How Does Amy of This Help Uncle Dick In The Deerstand?
Sandoval tells Schwartz that he is not invited to the wedding and they both have a good cry. To recap the recap, the guys and going to the bathroom together and crying. The girls are trashing each other and fighting. What is wrong with this picture? Schwartz wants to try to convince Jax to let Sandoval come to Kentucky. Sandoval says he doesn’t know how to be a best man. Over manly tears as production plays sad soap opera music, Sandoval says he will tie all the bow ties ahead of time, and give Schwartz a survival kit.
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The groomsmen try on suits and Chez Cauchi. Schwartz tells Jax that Sandoval was crying when they talked about him being kicked out of the wedding. Jax shoots Schwartz’s plea to reinstate Sandoval down. He already replaced him with Randall.
Upstairs, the smartest girl on the show is busy telling the dumbest girl on the show that she was hurt that Brittany told Jax to beat Sandoval’s ass. She tells Brittany she isn’t comfortable being at her wedding. Ariana tells us in a talking head that her mental health is suffering and it doesn’t help that all her friends are causing her more anxiety.
LVP Summons the Cauchi’s To Swan Shit Central
The local is appropriate because LVP has shitty news. Her mother has passed away and she won’t make it to the Kentucky Fried Wedding. She died very unexpectedly from deep tissue thrombosis. She tells them to get their priorities in order and don’t worry about what anyone says.
With Friends Like These…
Lala and Stassi confront Lala about being such a drag to be around. They tell her they don’t feel like she doesn’t enjoy being with them. She says she doesn’t enjoy anything and states again on camera that she considers driving off a cliff on the way home. Then we get a series of scenes of how badly the other girls talk about her. Followed by their self serving bullshit about how they want to be there for her. I don’t believe that and neither does Ariana. Stassi does a great job of explaining depression in her talking head. Lala is trying to compare grieving a death to chronic depression. Lala says she has only eaten one girl out besides her. She sure likes to mention that. Is she going to want a parade next?
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Ariana tells Sandoval that she doesn’t want to go the wedding. Sandoval texted Jax an apology. Ariana is clearly having suicidal ideations and she needs to get help immediately. She’s told several people! Why are they not getting her help.
Next week, we are off to Kentucky!
With friends like these…! I’m way over lala. She thinks she’s better then everyone because she sucked her way to the c list. She’s not a good friend. Ariana deserves better than these girls. I don’t blame her for not wanting to go to the wedding. I’d hard pass. Jax and Britt’s egos are out of control. I wish I could hope they’re seeing all of this and are seeing their faults, but we all know that 95% of this cast is incapable of that.
The gall of Jax and Britt to think that everyone around them should completely modify their behavior and treat them with kid gloves in the entire month before their wedding. And their friends all play into this mindset. “Oh, I know it’s your wedding coming up and I don’t want to upset you.” They live together already! It’s a big party and a big commitment, but it’s not like they are having to move and buy furniture and all of that at the same time. This is why they are all mid-30’s and just getting started on life. They are too busy THINKING about everything and TALKING about everything ad nauseum.
Someone like Jax will always find a reason why you shouldn’t criticize him. I’m surprised production didn’t run an entire segment of him saying how someone was wrong to confront him on his birthday, when he’s at work, when he had a cancer (steroid) scare, etc.
And then Lisa tells them to keep perspective after losing her mother and a normal person would think they should let petty fights go, but for some reason, Jax sees this as justification to continue his feud with his mother and Sandoval.
I’m completely frustrated with Jax & Brittney over the LGBT issues. Jax doesn’t understand B or Q based on his comments on Ariana. And Brittney having moved from Kentucky and her conservative Christian culture to WEHO should have wrestled with these issues and be ready to discuss them with both sides.
I’m heated tonight. I can’t even look at Lala anymore. She makes me sick with her long nails and her pride in giving a BJ for the PJ. She the antithesis of MeToo.
Yes to all of that Kara W!
Where’s Kristen?
Sandoval and Ariana are annoying me this season. I used to like her, but it’s always something… Ever since she began on the show. She was bullied by the other girls, she was in a bad relationship in the past, she has body issues, her dad died, she’s depressed, she doesn’t want to conform to social norms, she’s bisexual, etc. You’re on reality tv, willingly. If she’s so miserable and seemingly unstable according to this episode, maybe stop getting paid to have your life amplified for television? I do believe her and Tom have found/been encouraged by production to bring the drama. They are the anti-Jax and Brittany after all. Tom loves it, he lives for seeing his face on tv. Maybe it’s not so great or healthy for Ariana though.
Thank you for putting into words exactly what I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to be critical of Ariana, because I do believe she’s depressed and probably has been for a while. She’s very low-energy and always seems very down, and I think a lot of the issues she has talked about are very real and very much at the front of her mind. But she’s a smart girl, and she knows that a person who is depressed shouldn’t be on TV, especially when her castmates are so vile to her. I hope Tom isn’t pushing her to stick with it…
And yes, where’s Kristen? I love Kristen, especially when she’s running around with her hair on fire. Give us Kristen, Bravo!!!
I wonder the same thing…is this all for a storyline? If Tom was so concerned about the pastor why didn’t he bring it up months prior to the wedding when he first found out? I for one am not buying his bullshit. Ariana needs to seek professional help if she’s so depressed she’s thinking about driving off the freeway. Many people including myself have gone to a dark place and didn’t know how to pull themselves out of it. I thought I’d never see the light. But I realized I needed to get professional help and it took years of therapy and being on anti depressants to get there. I don’t say this lightly she’s been like this for years and hasn’t changed so I’m guessing it’s either a way to seek attention or she likes playing the victim. I just find it hard to have empathy for someone who does nothing to help themselves but whine and snark on others.
Tom and EVERYONE did bring the pastor up to Brittany and Jax months before the wedding when it was all over the Internet.
Also, you are an asshole. That is all.
this is why I love you TT! ??
Ariana made the greatest point, they worked hard to not see what the Pastor said. You can see him replying so many times to people who mentioned it on twitter months before and how he would block them all afterwards.
They even cut to an episode of WWHL with Brittany making her excuses and Ariana CLEARLY not comfortable… to do that in the middle of reality episode and NOT the reunion, you KNOW that shit is serious!
The thing is, if the roles were reversed, if it was an important event for Tom and Ariana and something came up that was a direct slam against Brittany or Jax, they would expect support. Ariana JUST came out as Bi. I’d be more disappointed in Tom Sandoval if he didn’t stick up for his partner.
I’m just now trying to watch this, it’s been a horrible few days, I’m in a bitchy mood, and Tom Sandoval referring to the “pasture” is grating on my nerves.
It didn’t bother you that Kax said “Lance Bass is our pastor now”?
Very Tamara Barney of him! ?
Yes, Stassi nailed it about depression.
I didn’t post this on last week’s recap, and I know it probably won’t be a popular opinion, but here goes. I think the whole “homphobic pastor” story is a bunch of nonsense. I wished so badly that Jax and Brittany had just said, “We don’t agree with his views, but he’s a family friend, and he’s officiating the wedding.” I get why they dumped him, but I hate the notion of hitting the eject button on someone for having an unapproved opinion. The guy is perfectly entitled to his opinion. If he wants to think homosexuality is a sin or immoral or gross, it’s his opinion. Nobody has to agree with it or cosign it. If Jax and Brittany were getting married in a Catholic Church, would there be the same level of outrage? The Church teaches that homosexual acts are “intrinsically immoral and contrary to the natural law” and “objectively disordered.” Or what if they were Orthodox Jews and getting married in a synagogue? The halacha forbids gay sex acts and same-sex marriage.
Now I’m an atheist and don’t believe in the truths of any holy books, and I’ve been out since I was a sophomore in high school. I know several people in my extended family and social circle who have religious objections to homosexuality. Does it affect me one bit? No, because I don’t need anyone’s approval or validation to live my life in the manner I choose. Anymore than they need my approval to live their life in th manner they see fit. Yes, gay people have every right to demand tolerance, but we should not demand “acceptance” or “approval.” That is totalitarian. It’s convicting someone of thought crime for having an opinion that you do not share.
This reply is everything
A lot of religious people, and apparently some gay atheists, need to sit down one day and ponder why the Bible is divided into two sections. The Old Testament and the New Testament.
I’m pretty sure that the pastor in question would not be as polite and respectful. If that is what the pastor says in public while being recorded, I dont want to imagine what he says in private.
Thank you, J. Farmer. I agree.
Perfect, just perfect. Brava!
beautifully put JFarmer.
These people are revolting pieces of garbage, with the exception of Ariana and Tom S. I’ll give Kristen and Scheana a pass here, but the rest of them need to take SEVERAL seats. Why Katie, Stassi, Brit Brat and Lauren think their shit doesn’t stink is beyond my comprehension. Is the bar really that low? Apparently so. I’m over this show and certainly don’t want to have to watch “Idiots Getting Married, Part Deux” next season.
Thanks for recapping as I only made it through 5 minutes before I wanted to throat punch someone. I just can’t with these people. And they get PAID for being horrible people. Where do I sign up?
I wonder how Stassi from season 1 would treat LaLa. Remember how Stassi hated Scheena because she slept with a married man and was a cheater and a liar? I feel like Stassi and Katie sold themselves out because they are now such good friends with LaLa.
Great recap. I think everyone is scrambling to save their own ass in the pastor issue. They all knew that once filming showed the conversation going on they are all trying to distance themselves from the it. Lisa knew that if she didn’t make it known how strongly she disagreed with the pastor being part of the wedding her saintly bubble would burst. The entire cast lacks the abilitiy to see any issue from anyone else’s point of view besides their own. They say they understand and instead of listening to others they immediately make the situation about themselves. Lisa needs to put Humble pie on the menu at all her restaurants and take the first bite herself.
Does Lala remember that the only people who gave her a chance were Tom and Ariana?
i was gonna say that.
Concerned about Ariana, some anti-depressants and/or different medications can cause suicidal ideas for some people. Really hope shes gotten assistance sorting it all out! have known other people who had problems w/side effects affecting personality etc. in past and it can be meds that are supposed to help depression but can make it worse in some people. To hear her say it on tv is alarming!