Tonight’s RHONJ recap takes us back to the Jersey Shore. The guys go out unsupervised and Bill Aydin gets blackout, pass-out, drunk. I wish I had done that today. I am Cranky McCrankerpants today. Everything is annoying. And even after working out I am still irritated about nothing. So that is my frame of mind going into to this post.
Jackie’s husband has arrived to round out the group and everyone is going to the beach for drinks. I wish I was going to the beach for drinks. Marge is wearing a sundress with no underwear. I have to say, I also like a breeze. And also if you are fat your underwear… nevermind. Oversharing. I am working on it. The giant belly AND the oversharing. Sorry.
Joe & Melissa Gorga Seem Oddly Happy For A Housewives Couple…
Joe Gorga wants to know where her husband is she gives the usual work excuse. The Joe says that Frank is her soulmate. Frank agrees with that. In a talking head Delores says that she can’t get back with Frank because she can’t trust him not to cheat and she can’t go through that again. Frank says he can’t get back with her because he doesn’t trust himself not to cheat. So that is that. Except Joe makes them kiss, which neither seem to mind doing. But Joe wants a better kiss so he demonstrates by kissing Frank himself.
It seems everyone has fond memories of the shore. Melissa and Joe go for a romantic walk on the beach. Joe talks about how much they still love each other after all these years. He says that is what Teresa is missing in her life. Joe says Teresa wants wast they have and Melissa agrees. They also talk about having another child and how if they had another they would not be enjoying a walk on the beach right now. The seem to think having another baby is not a great Idea.
On The Boardwalk, Down By The Sea
After a few drinks, the girls go shopping and the guys try to best each other on the arcade games. Jennifer whines to Teresa about Margaret always being the mean girl with her. Apparently something happened that morning and I tuned it out. Margaret is with Dolores who isn’t supportive at all of her complaining about Jennifer. Why isn’t she with Melissa? Oh yeah she was with Joe on the beach. So what about Jackie? Where is she?
Suck It Down
After an afternoon of drinking, they have some shots at home and go out for more drinking. At dinner they talk about their plans for the next day. The girls will split up for activities. Melissa will be going to tell Danielle she is persona non grata with the girls. Bill Aydin says that he doesn’t get out much, but when he does he likes to enjoy himself. Then he mentions that the shots are very big. He seems a bit tipsy already.
Jackie stands up and challenges anyone at the table. She says that she can down a beer faster than anyone at the table. Joe Gorga takes the challenge. Evan and Teresa also take the challenge. Teresa doesn’t even finish her beer. Joe Gorga stops midway through, did he throw it? Jackie wins and sucks hers down in no time Evan was about a second behind her. Then, Jennifer screams, “You know how to suck a bottle but you can’t suck a dick?” Jennifer, dear, we know you would win the dick sucking contest. Settle down.
Let She Who Is Without Sin Throw The First Flintstone
Then Marge and Jennifer get into it when Marge points out how offensive Jennifer is all the time. Apparently, that morning Jennifer interrupted a conversation with Marge and Teresa to get the attention off of Marge and on to Jennifer. She’s very territorial about Teresa, that one. Then Jennifer said that Marge offended her when she said she didn’t work. Jennifer says to Marge, “I don’t know what type of mother you were, but I am a very hands on mother.”
Marge feels as though her mothering skills are being disrespected. She blows up and stands up and scream that the only achievement Jennifer has ever had is marrying a rich man. Margaret lives with her husband in her wake. Joe Gorga says this is crazy! Welcome to a housewives dinner on a trip, Joe. Jennifer screams after her, “Fred Flintstone called! He wants his outfit back!”
See You Next Tuesday
Melissa and Jackie and their husbands leave with Dolores and Joe because they all rode in the same van. Most likely to avoid Jennifer. In the car they talk about Jennifer. In the restaurant, Jennifer says that Jackie and Margaret are always starting things with her. That is bullshit and even Dolores tells her so. Or at least She tells us in her talking head but she seem to think Jennifer is too clueless to know what she is doing. Jennifer is the second smartest person in the group after Jackie. She is playing everyone for screen time. And it’s working like a charm.
The fun group, Jackie, Melissa and Margaret are relieved to be away from the others. Margaret is thankful that they don’t have to hang out with Jennifer tomorrow. I am surprised production is letting the two factions do their own thing together the next day.
Sorry, Not Sorry!
The next morning, the three obnoxious ones go parasailing. I want that hand of Fatima t-shirt that Dolores is wearing. I wonder if she knows what it means? Jennifer gets the nervous burps. Is that even a thing? They all go up together. It’s just like every other housewife parasailing scene you have ever seen. Is it wrong I was hoping for these three to be dropped into the ocean?
The three fun girls go play putt putt. They suck at it. Margaret gets a “ho in one” Don’t ask. They talk about Melissa’s meeting with Danielle. Melissa hopes she doesn’t get weak. If that happens it is totally production. The other girls tell her to hold strong. Then they reluctantly meet the other girls for lunch. Evan texts Jackie to tell her he is sure he has had 15 more shots than she has today. Jen goes to the bathroom and comes back in her “Sorry Not Sorry” t-shirt.
Did The Guys Kill Bill?
Meanwhile, all of the guys go fishing for sea bass. I love sea bass! They leave early in the morning and start chugging liquor start out of the bottle. Bill gets peer pressured into joining in when Joe Gorga says everyone thinks his wife owns his balls. There is no real fishing happening only drinking. The guys tell Bill they are going to call him Anthony and turn him into a guido. He slurs out that they should just call him Tony the Turkish Guido. Everybody laughs.
Everyone is wasted on the way back home but Bill Aydin is out like a light and has to be carried into the house like a dead man on the other five guys shoulders. Up a flight of steps they go into the house. The guys come in shortly after the girls and toss Bill onto the bed next to Jennifer. She freaks out. The wives worry that they have killed Bill. But Bill comes around and starts massages Joe Gorga’s boobs. The other guys drink water to try to hydrate before the party that night.
You Can’t Sit With Us
Melissa goes to meet with Danielle to tell her she is out of the group. Tersesa is not happy about this. She says she is still going to be friends with Danielle. Danielle starts by defending herself. Melissa says she gave Danielle a clean slate. But then she got physical with Margaret. Says her violent behavior is a reflection of her character. She gave Margaret whiplash and she had to see a doctor!
Melissa says everyone says you are not welcome in the group. Danielle asks who everyone is. Melissa says that all of the girls no longer want her around (this is not true, Teresa does). Danielle specifically asks about Teresa. Melissa admits that Teresa enjoys her company. Melissa says she doesn’t think Teresa is in her right mind right now. Danielle tells Melissa that she was done with Margaret when she did the thing with Margaret’s bag and the candle. But then, Stephen the owner of the boutique told her to pull Margaret’s hair. Then, Theresa agreed with him and told Danielle to do it. Then production shows the footage backing this up. Danielle even says no, she can’t do it. But, Teresa insisted.
To Be Continued…..Next week Melissa says what happened in front of everyone and Teresa has a tantrum. Then Teresa takes the girls to visit Joe in Italy.