It’s time for another Vanderpump Rules recap! On tonight’s episode, basically nothing happens to Raquel for partying with James a Tom Tom rather than showing up for her shift at SUR on Pride! Kristen would have been tarred and feathered, set ablaze, fired, ridiculed and physically tossed out on the sidewalk. Tom Sandoval gets attacked by the Witches of WeHo, including new members Brittany Cartwright-Cauchi and Lala Kent because the officiant for the wedding of the year, is a homophobic, POS.
Ariana is back behind the bar in order to deal with her depression and desire not to leave the house. I am cured for now and was out of the house all day working out and getting cute for y’all. So raise your glasses high! Ariana is now an out and proud bisexual and Dayna has now jumped on the bandwagon to come out as bi. Um, most people are bi. The Kinsey scale of sexuality is a bell curve very few people being completely straight or completely gay. But, yay for these two middle of the bell curve girls!
Lately, I am trying to shorten up the blogs for readability by not including every little scene. So far all of these seem like filler. Except for the main storyline that is Britanny’s Kentucky pastor hates gays. This news is shocking and appalling to the WeHo crowd. I doubt it is shocking to Brittany or her family. Or the congregation of her church but I imagine she is going to pretend it is. Stassi, who is new BFFs with Brittany tells us that someone needs to explain the gravity of the situation to Jax and Brittany because neither of them are going to be invited to join Mensa any time soon. It’s true but I wonder if Jax and Brittany are smart enough to know that Stassi is calling them stupid.
LVP can’t wait to be the one to tell Brittany she has to lose the pastor. Brittany is shocked! Shocked I tell you that her family friend has such hatred in his heart. She thinks he is a great person and a great family man. Brittany apparently called the pastor months ago and he said the things he posted on social media were not how he really feels. She said okeydokey then and that was it. But now it is a thing. Jax and Brittany are getting heat on social media.
LVP Has One Of Her Obligatory Scenes
Shockingly, LVP’s SUR scene this week is not with one of the hot male employees. Instead, it is with Raquel who decided not to show up to work on Pride day. Instead she went to TomTom to hang out with James. LVP tells her that she is a bad, bad girl and she is going to be written up.
Later, Raquel tells James that it seems that LVP expects her to show up for her shifts and stuff at SUR. James tells us he needs her as a sober coach at drinking functions, basically so she may need to miss work. Also, Raquel is invited to Peter’s birthday party but James is not. Peter didn’t want to upset Jax. He is a groomsman and he takes the job very seriously and thus, cannot entertain Jax’s arch nemesis. Raquel says she is not going. Later James vents to the Toms about being disinvited. Sandoval is pissy that Jax and Brittany ignored the homophobic pastor as long as they did.
It’s Scheana Shay’s Worst Nightmare!
Down in the valley, Sandoval and Ariana talk about the pastor situation. Sandoval thinks that Jax and Brittany need to get on top of things with the wedding only two weeks away and find a replacement. Back in Weho, Max and Dayna hang out and Max tells her he wants an exclusive relationship with her. Ah, young love. I don’t believe him. They are not in an emotional relationship. They are just hooking up a lot and don’t need to be bothered looking for other sex partners. Until, you know, Max spots someone new. But whatever, this is going to pissed Scheana off and that makes me happy.
Princess Bridal Shower
It you are old enough to get married, you are too to have princess parties. I’m just saying. LVP is there. She never used to have this many scenes. Clearly, she misses the RHOBH camera. Stassi is thrilled with the quality of her princesses. What could possibly go wrong at a princess party? The best thing about this party is the Kristen is there. She sits outside alone with Katie briefly to make it clear that she is only tolerating her for Brittany’s sake. LVP is also there. Brittany announces that Lance Bass has agreed to officiate her wedding. In the castle. In Kentucky. Why is LVP so into Brittany? How does it benefit her?
Peter’s Birthday Party
I am irritated that Peter is sucking up to Jax of all people and didn’t invite James to his party. It’s apparently at some sort of batting cage. Scheana seems to think she can’t drink because she is freezing her eggs. I don’t think that is a thing.
Dayna tells Katie that she and Max are exclusive now. Stassi likes Dayna because she hates Scheana. Meanwhile, Brittany is crying again. Now she is sad that social media is mocking her princess party. Sometimes good can come from social media. It can help shame idiots into realizing that they are idiots. This is one of those times. I don’t even feel bad that I think Brittany’s bawling is fun.
Sandoval Stirs The Pastor Pot
Sandoval talks to Jax and wonders why they waited so late to fire the homophobic pastor and why it took LVP talking to them and finding a replacement for them to make a change. Jax replies, “Lance Bass is my pastor.” This kid that Jax and Brittany want to have is coming from a really shallow gene pool. I’m just saying. Jax storms off and heads over where his future wife is crying over a princess party. I can’t believe I am typing this.
Jax is angry, and Brittany is crying. Sandoval doesn’t know a shitstorm is brewing so he walks right into it. There was literally no drama about this subject for the months it went on for before anyone decided to do anything. And now suddenly the over acting and the over the top emotions just don’t make any sense. This show needs a new story writer. That’s a position that seems to be in short supply at Bravo.
Lala is doing my least favorite thing by being offended on behalf of other people. It’s annoying. She is grabbing her throat and rocking back and forth and practically having a seizure. She needs more acting classes, Randall.
Then poor, dear, dumb, Brittany just can’t take it anymore. Why do people attack her for hiring a homophobic pastor who is a great man and a family friend? Why??? Jax wants to know why people care who the pastor is at their wedding. Brittany says she only saw one comment about him. Really? I don’t follow either one of them and I’ve seen lots of discussion about the pastor on line.
How dare people make fun of her for having a bridal shower with a theme that most eleven year old girls would tell their mother they are to old for? Stassi gets in on the Sandoval push back. How dare he speak up for the LGBT community! Who does he think he is, John Snow? (Yeah, that makes no sense at all. Poor script.) WHY IS BRITTANY SO OPPRESSED BY THE WORLD DURING THE HAPPIEST TIME IN HER LIFE? Now she is mad!
I love how Brittany came onto this show and played her little old me game until she had all the bitches lined up behind her to kiss her ass. Bravo, Kentucky. You got your princess party, your castle and your ring. Then, Jax says Sandoval is out of the wedding. Brittany says she is about to knock Sandoval out.
Next week: Jax threatens to take Sandoval out of his wedding. More inter restaurant fucking occurs as LVP tries to get as involved with it as possible.