Well it’s time for a brand news season and a new Shahs Of Sunset Recap! This season, Mike thinks he has found the one. Reza and Adam are both accused of cheating. Golnesa gets knocked up. Tommy tries and unfortunately fails to kill Reza. MJ and Reza become mortal enemies. Oh and one of R. Kelly’s girl’s joins the show. Because why not? Are we ready to do this? Update! Clearly, I was not ready last night. I was worn out from the Oscars and the most boring episode of RHOA ever. No wonder they aired it when no one was watching. I am sort of ready now to recap. I am still tired and kinda feel like I was up drinking all night even though I didn’t have a drop.
This episode starts out on a sad note. We get a look back at the very long friendship of Reza and MJ. At least the good moments. I remember being so angry at Reza for his treatment of MJ I was begging MJ through my TV to dump him. Reza’s abuse of MJ started in SEASON TWO. Let us not forget that through all of these happy little scenes. I could most recaps of Reza’s horrific abuse of MJ all day. At least read this one. My point is don’t believe the fairy tale production is feeding you right now.
We start with Adam working in the back yard and Reza supervising and trying to pretend he even knows how to start a weed whacker. Reza gives a bullshiit interview with production regaling his happy marriage. Sadly, there is no footage to back that shit up. Their relationship is clearly in the toilet. RUN, ADAM, RUN! Reza brags about his house. It is quite lovely. They are having a housewarming to show it off. Later, Adam tells Reza that he is having second thoughts about having a baby with Reza. Thank the baby Jesus. Suddenly, Reza is hurt by this? Please.
Already With The Lawsuits?
Last year’s misogyny was primarily against Golnesa. Reza, Mike and Mercedeh apparently called Shalom last season and gave him all sorts of ammunition against Golnesa. Hey, I never said Mercedeh was innocent. She’s just the least awful of most of them, and I just like her. By the way, there was no Shahs of Sunset in all of 2019! They have had this in the can for quite some time. This argument is from an the last reunion at the end of 2018. So, they are backing up for continuity I suppose. Reza is forced to invite Golnesa to the all cast so he is a dick about fake writing an invitation via text.
Meanwhile, Golnesa is only friends with Yasmin, Destiney and Adam. Mostly Adam. She has five embryos on ice and is ready to be pregnant. Spoiler Alert! Golnesa says she is going to give up pot and booze while she is pregnant. Let the burning of esfand begin. The last time we saw esfand was when it was conveniently on hand when Adam chipped Reza’s fake ” $15,000 emerald” he bought for his mother. Don’t you love fake storylines infused with cultural rituals the participants don’t seem to even know exist?
Mike Shouhed Had Met The One!
Mike had finally found someone to film with the love of his life! It is the first Persian girl he has ever dated? Really? And the first Jewish girl. Except for you know, Jessica who converted to Judaism AND MARRIED HIM only to be cheated on by Mike. The new love of his life was vegan but he has convinced her to eat meat to make him happy. Sigh. Mike tells Destiney that all the girls he has ever dated are still in love with him. Does he know he is a liar or is he living in some sort of delusional state? Destiney tries to knock Mike into reality. He refuses to face reality.
I am spending way too much time going back to read the old posts linked above. You should too. Anyway, Mike’s latest victim is Paulina. Mike says that Paulina is “going to give him all the things he wants.” Because, that is what a relationship is all about. Oh God. She is divorced with kids. Run, girl, run! No one should choose Mike to be a father figure.
A Date With Destiney
Golnesa arrives to film a lunch date with one of her few allies, Destiney. She’s munching on edibles the entire drive and arrives with a serious case of the munchies. Golnesa orders half the menu before Destiney arrives. Then, she gets up and tells two guys at another table that she wants to try their appetizer. She blames hormones. I should not talk. I am stuffing my face with a very juicy pear covered in the best goat cheese with a side of pistachios. Moo.
These two are trying to make amends from things that happened on the reunion. Golnesa thinks she is trying to apologize. She is not doing it right. Destiney points out that Golnesa tens to snap and get very hostile. Golnesa denies this and then pops off and gets very hostile. Then she storms out. Production tells us that Golnesa went outside, and smoked some pot. Then she comes back in and is all sunshine and lollipops. Golnesa apologizes on her knees? WTF? I worry for her child. This erratic behavior does not a good mother make.
It’s Time For The Housewarming!
But first, Adam has to clean the house from top to bottom while Reza tells him he’s not doing a good enough job and has a beer. I really hope Adam dumps Reza this season. Destiney arrives first because Reza basically wants her to bar tend. Kevin Lee has decorated for the party and apparently put down grass. Or astroturf it is Weho after all. Oh wait, it’s in the valley, lol. Kevin also apparently invited himself to the party.
Destiney is going to be just another shady motherfucker this season. She conveintly hung out with a gay guy just before filming who showed her Adam’s dick pic and she is going to blow him up at his own party. Can’t anyone other than Adam be likeable on this show? We are over halfway in and still no scene with Mercedeh, Tommy and the baby. SIGH. Reza tries to kiss Adam for show and Adam is not having it. He seems ready to bail. One can only hope.
Cowboy Bob & The Afgani Cab Driver
As the guests arrive, production makes sure to show Mike grabbing Adam’s ass. We’ll just file that away for later. Mama Joyce’s streets say there may be a couple of down low guys and one girl on this show. I’m just telling you what the streets are saying. Don’t shoot the messenger. Oh Reza is on WWHL with Dr. Jackie. That explains the uptick in Married to Medicine post views last night.
Golnesa brings her gift into the party, see Shervin, and turns right around. Apparently, Shervin has a CBD business too. Golnesa seems to think she is the only one who can do that. Pretty much everyone is opening a CBD business. Get over it. Reza who days ago didn’t want to invite her at all suddenly tells her he loves her and wants to get back to a good place and begs her to stay. RANDOM STORYLINE LEFT TURN ALERT. So she does. Because, contractual obligations. In other news that makes no sense, Reza is dress up like a cowboy and MIke is dress like an Afgani cab driver.
But before we get to Naked Jenga, we must suffer through some charades. Mike bought some very expensive flowers and is obsessed with the fact that they forgot the card. This has to be storyine, right? It has to have some sort of resolution at the end of the episode because it has gotten so much camera time.
Destiney finally gets her shit disturbing scene where she tells Mike that when Reza is out of town Adam has naked jenga parties. I so hope this is true, but I highly doubt it. So these two run straight to Reza. Mike even says that he doesn’t think it is true. They also tell him that Destiney’s friend Ali says that Adam texts him sexual things. Destiney says that everyone was naked when Adam played Jenga. Lies. Wait and see. I hope all of this is true, and Adam is having fun. But it’s probably not.
Apparently, Mercedeh was on bedrest and was not able to come. That didn’t stop Destiney from throwing her under the bus by telling Reza that Mercedeh knows about the situation. I am not going to like Destiney this season, I can already tell. Then Destiney has the nerve to tell Adam she loves him and give him a very long goodbye hug. What a duplicitous bitch. My source told me that Reza is doing the most this season to renegotiate his contract for more money. Clearly, Destiney is trying to keep her gig as well. Then she cries in confessional. I went to pull a photo of Destiney crying. Guess what she is crying in 90% of the screenshots I have of her.
The very last line is Reza asking Adam about “strip Jenga.” To be continued…
Bonus Round Extra Tea and Reza On WWHL
This season, Tara Radcliffe from Newlyweds appears as a friend of Golnesa’s. I do not remember her from that show. Hell I have totally forgotten that whole show. But more importantly, Tara was also involved with R. Kelly this is apparently why she is on the show this season. My sources said that Bravo specifically wanted to include the R. Kelly stuff. Great job, misogyny channel!
Andy is hard selling Dr. Jackie’s book about vaginas. Why? It is the first book published by his publishing imprint. Because vaginas and misogynists go together like peas and carrots.
Reza seems to blame Mercedeh for the rumors about Adam and says this is the beginning of the fracturing of their relationship. He also seems very supportive of working through a bad marriage, when Dr. Jackie talks about reconciling with her husband.
Y’all this is the biggest sacrifice I have ever made for you watching this shit show. Andy can’t stop talking about vaginal health and acting like he knows all about it. It’s one of the worst WWHL episodes ever.
The big news is that Reza meets with Ali and reads all of Adam’s apparently inappropriate text messages and confronts him. Adam basically says he was joking. Then he says when he feels comfortable with people he feels like it is okay to ask anything and everything. Reza threatens divorce if Adam doesn’t stop.
Reza and Mercedeh do not speak and he has not seen the baby. Adam says the he 100% believes he and Adam will still be together in five years. For Adam’s sake I hope he flees to freedom and happiness. Reza says that Asa ghosted Adam and they are no longer friends.