As luck would have it Chrome froze up and then crashed completely as I was just about to begin this Vanderpump Rules recap. So, let’s hope Chrome can keep it together long enough for me to get through this. The oldbies are still in Miami. The bitches continue to harp on Kristen for staying in what they have decided is an unhealthy relationship.
Kristen brings up that Schwartz cheated on Katie. Oh and Katie still spent years begging him for a ring.. Jax cheated on Stassi with EVERYBODY in the continental United States and she is about to marry him. Brittany is about to marry Jax and everyone is fine with that. But because, Stassi’s boyfriend is kind of a mooch because he doesn’t make as much money as she does this is apparently a great reason to shit all over Kristen. It is apples and oranges Katie everyone of them except for Kristen is an apple and Kristen in the orange. If the genders were reversed or if Kristen was mooching off whatshisface, then there would be no issue. Brittany demands an adjournment to a strip club.
Grumpy Old Men
Meanwhile the guys, Beau, Jax, Schwartzt and Sandoval have profession movie makeup people to make them look like grumpy old men. They are going to the strip club to crash the girl’s party. The Strip Club is E11even. This place is a million years old and I know because I went there once a million years ago. I don’t think they had strippers then. Maybe they did. I’m from Atlanta and there are strippers and strip clubs everywhere and everyone goes and it’s just not a thing.
Well Vicki Gunvalson would NOT approve of this. The girls are making out and grabbing titties. Oh wait Vicki used to do that too. She just didn’t like when Braunwyn made out with her girlfriend. Sorry. Ben and Jerry’s was buy one get one at the Publix today and I am enjoying some Pistachio Pistachio. I just can’t recap Katie. She’s awful someone needs to rescue Schwartz.
Pride & Prejudice
I am also not down with LVP’s fake support for the LGBT community. Sadly, she has most of them duped. She is NOT and ally. She’s an opportunist. She makes 25% of her annual revenue off Pride. Max is going to hire James Kennedy to DJ at Tom Tom for Pride.
Meanwhile at SUR, Danica tells Dayna that Max is a no good dirty dog. Danica says that one of the other new servers Adriana was in what she thought was a relationship with Max. Then, on her 30th birthday he slept with her friend. Danica is an odd one. She totally ignores Danica and now she wants to be her best friend. Why? Because she is trying to help Scheana sabotage Danica’s relationship with Max. Later Max drops by Dayna’s apartment. Max feels badly that Dayna is hated at work because of him. Dayna tell Max about the Adriana story and he says it was not like that at all and she is making shit up. Danica seems like a snake. She puts LVP and Todd in Dayna’s station. She does great. LVP
is already talking about Danya being a manager.
I’m Sorry But…
Wait. Lala and Peter are sharing a room? Why? Could she use some of her blow job money to get her one room? Stassi goes to bed early as usual. NTTAWWT. And apparently, Beau has resigned himself to the fact that he has to turn in early with her. The remaining three old men, Kristen, Arian and Brittany are still up being silly. Kate has gone to bed Tomless. The guys have to sleep in their make up until the next day when the professionals come to remove it.
Schwartz leaves with Ariana and Sandoval. He says Katie went to bed mad and he doesn’t know why. Ariana starts to clue him in about the girl fight with Kristen. But Sandoval interrupts to say that he needs to explain something to Schwartz. They cannot serve alcohol at Tom Tom without serving food. This is about Stassi’s book party fiasco. This argument with these two made up as old men is really odd. I can see this happening in the future just like this. Schwartz says Sandoval’s apologies always come with a ‘but.’ Production rolls that beautiful bean footage. It’s true. They get emotional and hug it out.
Waking Up To Strangers
Peter and Scheana are sharing a room with twin beds. Maybe Lala did get her own room. The grumpy old men all wake up still old. There are mirrors on the ceiling at this hotel. Jax cannot stand seeing himself. He starts ripping off his old face. They are not supposed to do that the glue will probably take his skin off. Kate tells Schwartz she is over Kristen. Kristen wakes up worried her friends are going to dump her. She’s not wrong.
All the guys go to Ariana and Sandoval’s room. Jax is still ripping his face off and now he’s using butter knife. The makeup artists arrive none too soon. The girls go to the beach and the guys go to the pool. Kristen and Scheana break off and go to the pool alone. Brittany and Lala tell Katie if she is so mean to Kristen they don’t think they Katie should be friends with Kristen.
Kristen tells Stassi that she and Katie really hurt her feelings. Stassi says she loves her and she is never going to not be her friend. This is not true. She is going to shit on Kristen and fuck her over before the season ends. But, at this point, Kristen believes her and cries. After one last night of partying, it is time to head back to Weho.
Next week is Pride.