Well it is finally the last episode of this shit storm of a season. And all the people said AMEN. Let’s get this over with and pretend this season never happened. I am highly unaccousted to being a Kate Chastain fan and would like to get back to where her resting bitch face and hazing of the third stew is the worst thing that happens all season. With that, let’s get this Below Deck recap done. I still have Below Deck Sailing to get to tonight. And Spy Games if I have time. I kind of want to watch some of the Iowa Caucus tonight. It looks like ABC is going to interrupt The Bachelor at least periodically in tonight’s THREE HOUR EPISODE (where this happens). So I may get a little of everything.
We start with an embarrassed chef and pissed off and embarrassed Captain staring down the eye of a dark chocolate penis. Awkward. I don’t get why production is setting this up to be some grand plan by Kate to make Kevin look like a toolbag. He can do that all by himself! Also, the captain himself talked about tiny little penis suckers and such when giving his two cents on how to have a bachelorette party. I hate 51 Minds. They ruin everything. The guests loved the decomposed cock cake. I mean, I’d eat it!
All Apologies
The next morning, Jemele hears all about the cock cake. She’s laughing and asks Kate if they can get some dick. Ashton sort of tries to make up with Rhylee. But not really. Rhylee says she just wants the last shore leave to be drama-free. Ashton agrees, but I doubt Smashton will. Tanner still thinks he has a chance with Kate.
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Kevin feels like he should apologize for the dick cake. But first, Jamele apologizes for missing it and says she heard it was incredible. The guests love Kevin. Why are the guests popping bottles of champagne and dumping it in to the ocean! That is a party foul that should be illegal with a mandatory imprisonment sentence!
Jamele left a $20K tip giving everyone $1,800. Simone practically cries. They each made 14K for the season which is like six weeks tops. The girls chat and Courtney says that she and Brian are done and they have nothing left to say to each other.
Full Moon Party On The Beach!
Production went all out for the party on a private island. There are tons of lights and seats and a bar and lady boy dancers and fire throwers and tons of coolness. It’s a very nice setup. Flash to the boat where Captain Lee is relaxing by doing a bit of ironing. I kid you not.
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Brian tries to talk to Courtney as if he doesn’t know what to do about their future. Um, that ship has sailed, dickboy. But then, they both agree to tell the other they are full of shit. This was clearly Brian’s idea and now they are just going to suck face on the beach all night. You know, just ending on a good note. Or one more for the road. Or something.
Pitching A Tent
Since Ashton finally understands no one, and I mean not even Tanner, wants to suck his dick, he passes out in one of the tents. This is the smartest thing he has done all season. Kevin is not making good decisions. He is wasted and taking selfies while cuddled up to Rhylee. Then Kate and Simone join in. Kate tries to end things positively but Kevin tell Kate she sucks as a head stew. Kate retaliates by mocking his cooking skills.
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Kate is wasted for the first time all season. Tanner, who is always wasted tries to make moves on Kate. Kate tells Tanner she is a lesbian. Remember the season she was a lesbian? Then she went home and beat the crap out of her girlfriend and went back to dick. Tanner leaves Kate alone. Then Kevin stumbles back by Kate for his water bottle and says to no one in particular, he is going to get a shot. Then, from about three steps away from Kate, he turns and randomly kicks a huge cloud of sand right in her face. Brian goes up to Tanner and tells him he was wrong for doing that. Kate announces she would like to leave. Kevin is too drunk to make words all of the sudden.
Yet Another Full Moon
Somehow they all make it back to the boat alive. Kate goes to the primary’s cabin where she is spending her last night on the boat. I imagine she is crying.
Kevin gets naked. Completely naked and walks all over the boat. I spared you the actual naked photos. I can tell you that it took about three pixels to blur out his junk. Poor thing. Courtney drags Brian into a guest cabin for one last rollin the hay.
The next morning Kevin is still wasted. As everyone left the boat, I was amused that the brüs think they are going to continue working in the industry. Oh, I completely forgot Kevin has a daughter. What a great dad he is.
Safe Travels!
Rhylee just wants to get back to Alaska and fish. Brian at least hugged the girls goodbye. Kate and Rhylee seem to have a friendship that could last beyond the boat. With all the brüs gone, Ashton was at least civil to Kate when he left. Then he made snide remark about redheads. I guess he’s just not man enough to handle strong women like Abbi and Rhylee. Poor thing.
And then it was just the Captain and Kate. Kate is going alone to a resort to decompress. I love that. People often think it is weird when I do that. Those people are missing out. Then she is going back to Florida and moving to NYC! I wonder what her plans are there. My DVR cut off.
This season really turned ugly and was almost a chore to watch the last couple of episodes. Poor Captain Lee. I think he was about the only one to be responsible and keep his dignity for the entire season. I wish we had a reunion show to hear his opinions of what was going on out of his earshot. I will have to go check out his blog. Hopefully next season will be better.
There is a reunion coming. I think TT either posted or commented about how it’s always in WWHL clubhouse, that they have only had a reunion stage like housewives get one time. I’m looking forward to what Capt Lee has to say about the brus.
You should definitely read Captain Lee’s blog. I’ve been reading it all season and he is savage to the Brüs, especially Ashton and Kevin…deservedly so.
If Captain Lee stays consistent and says the same things at the reunion that he’s been saying in his blog (which I think he will), it should be a great reunion.
I am not a fan of Kate but if Kevin kicked sand in my face I would have punched him right in the face. Rhylee bought her isolation on herself , she started every argument she had . Not a fan of the boys on below deck but rhylee was so over the top. No one on the crew was likable this season.
Right on … I dislike the “Bru” attitudes but Rhylee is antagonistic, crass and crude. She brings it on herself and, by doing so, sabotages the real causes women stand up for.
So as a woman she should just keep silent & not defend herself ? Does her genitalia exempt her from being treated in a decent professional HUMANE manner ?
Thank you, Marc!
Hopefully without kate. So over her arrogance. She deserved that sand in her face. She’s a bully. If she likes you, you’re golden. If not, the catty b will make your life miserable. HORRIBLE traits for a boss to have.
No one not even the raging misogynists deserve to get sand kicked in their face. Petty indifference towards violence breeds more of this type of behavior. Not a good look.
It’s a two episode reunion show. Stock up on your popcorn, boys and girls. Looking forward to seeing Captain Lee and the “brus.”
Did you see the preview on WWHL last night? Holy shit! Ashton gets really obnoxious with Kate & then Capt. Lee challenging them about their careers.
Kevin pulled the biggest dick move by kicking that sand, I couldn’t believe he actually did that. He is such a pussy that I find it hard to comfort that he actually gathered a child. He has to be one of the pussiest guys I’ve seen, well besides Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz. I’m glad Kate is going to do some self care, she earned it. Ashton was smart to pass out in the tent because if we had to see another appearance of Smashton it would kill us. Rhylee is a hard worker and she does fly off the handle but I am curious what was left on the cutting room floor, I know in her industry in Alaska the women have to be hard to earn the respect of the men but she can’t really be that argumentative can she? Simone is stupid and it always sounded like she needed to blow her nose, always and I won’t miss that at all. Courtney didn’t leave much of an impression on me really, whatevs. I will miss captain Lee and his great one liners, he has a way with words that I love! Tanner can go home and have mom fuss over him and he can keep saying jiminy cricket.
IN the After Show when they asked him about the sand his initial response was to ask if they got it on camera! What a fucking loser!
Kevin’s small dick explains his small dick energy. He constantly needs praise, otherwise women are bitches. I think Kate has aged out and is over it. I can’t imagine being in my mid-thirty’s dealing with assholes in small quarters and with drunk idiots at the end of each charter. Bravo is going to have to cough a huge contract for her to come back and deservedly so, and I’m not usually a Kate fan. Ashton is the worst, I really don’t want to see any of the guys back for another season. Courtney is totally me, a complete introvert but loses her ish when she sees a cute dog. Overall glad the season’s over, it did get better towards to end.
The reunion should be very illuminating. They showed a clip on WWHL tonight. Ashton had the nerve to question Kate & Captain Lee about their recent yachting experience! This asshole rookie with maybe 3 years tops on a yacht? His arrogance & ego are off the charts!
I saw that clip. It’s one thing to question Kate (which was wrong) but to come for Captain Lee? Way to reflect dickhand Ashton. No matter how much recent experience they have, his behavior was bad period. Reruns aside, if I ever see Ashton on my TV again I’m banning all Bravo shows.
I’d love to see Ross return and Rhylee as Bosun.
Rhylee would make an amazing bosun!
I love Rhylee but she is not yet qualified to be bosun.
I saw the clip too! My jaw dropped and rewound it, I was so shocked. I predict no captain will ever hire him again, at least no charter captain.
I would have drowned that SOB if he had kicked sand in my face. Ugh glad this season is over.
Can’t wait for the reunion!
TT, you didn’t miss anything by your DVR cutting off. Kate didn’t say what her plans were after moving to NY. Sounded like she just needs a change. But she didn’t even say that much.
Not related, but may I ask? Is Mexican Dynasties coming back? I loved that show.
And all the people said AMEN. Giggles. Love that statement Tamara. Wish you lived next door!
When a show becomes a chore to finish out the season, it’s time to reconsider it for next season. If Bravo suits continue with the misogyny storylines, this show is out, along with many other Bravo shows! I am over watching mistreatment of women for “entertainment” purposes, and that includes women who mistreat other women. What was once a pleasant distraction is now antagonizing. No more self-induced bad feelings.
As tempted as I was to tune into RHOSL, I resisted as I know where it is headed and I do not want to get vested into it. Once I saw all the bottomed ladies in the trailer, I knew it was going to become a “rinse and repeat.
*botoxed not bottomed.
Thanks for putting the link to Kate’s arrest up there.
Such terrible behavior all season long from the boys….horrible really. If they get away with it……I’m done.
(well honestly I’m done regardless)
They will probably get raises. Bravo apparently thinks this is what we long to see. Hardly.
Kevin was somewhat redeemable until the sand incident.
I saw the preview of the Reunion with Ashton questioning Captain Lee. I wish he hadn’t answered!
Try posting this in the right spot this time, sorry for the duplicate.
More previews for the Reunion have been posted on the Bravo TV website. Captain Lee walks off. This is going to be a shit show reunion, guys are “Sorry, not sorry.”. I’m concerned I will hate it all and there will be no resolutions.
Totally my fault. I did it too. I wasn’t able to get much out of my reunion source other than “someone unexpected cries” and it was A LOT.
Oh, I cannot wait for this reunion. I’m already cringing. I love Rhylee and really hope that she keeps her cool at the reunion. Don’t get me wrong, I hope she lets the brus have it. But if she can stay somewhat poised, she’ll look so much better. We all know how the brus love to push her buttons and then point at her and say, “See, everyone?!? I told you!” when she loses it.
I can’t believe Ashton comes for Captain Lee. Good luck with that, Ashton.