Welcome Back MAFS Recap readers! I usually would have done this early today but I am going through a sane patch and am starting to leave the house and stuff. Today I went to Whole Foods and spent ungodly amounts of money on sanity water and organic salad fixings and stuff. If you guys do The Lentil Season with me… I am gearing up for an early start for 2020 so start mentally preparing. As soon as it warms up a bit, we will need to lace up our waddling shoes and get on the healthy eating bandwagon.
Also, I know some of you want to do spoiler this season for MAFS and I am usually against it. However, I have been completely spoiled by an inside source and there are spoilers all over the place that are hard to avoid. So unless there are a lot of objections, we might as well go ahead and discuss them. Thoughts?
Meka & Michael
These two stayed in two separate rooms on their first night of the honeymoon. Apparently, Michael gave Meka an ultimatum that she has to sleep with him before the honeymoon is over or he is out. Meka says that he is a perfect gentleman on camera and a total ass off camera. Meka tells the girls the truth about Michael. Later, Pastor Cal called Meka and she told him about Michael’s two personalities. One on camera and one off camera. Pastor Cal is going to straighten him out. Then he calls Michael who is back in his room.
These two are just sad. The have been there a couple of days and are still not speaking to each other. Finally, they meet on the beach to talk. Michael is not wearing his ring and Meka is. That bothers her. She wants to get to know each other as friends. Michael is not ready to wear his ring yet. So she took hers off. She will put it back on when he wears his. Michael, who moved to his own room complains about her lack of communication.
Mindy & Zach
Minday and Zach also flamed out on the first night and got separate rooms. This has never happened before let alone twice in one season. This is what happens when you go on social media and bribe people who aren’t looking to get married to get married on camera. One of the things my insides source told me is that these people are not really married until thirty days after filming ends. That is when the marriage license are filed (or not filed). I thought that was interesting. They also get paid and are able to keep their jobs without missing much work as they generally film Thursday through Sunday with the exception of the honeymoon week. So it’s a good gig for the attention whore crowd.
Maybe they did stay in the same room, last week Mindy said she didn’t want to go back to the room. Meanwhile, Saturday night gunfire has started in my hood. Zach seems to realize that being straight with Mindy off camera is going to backfire with regard to his airtime. He is backpedaling for the camera.
Later these two go to the beach to drink wine while sitting on a blanket. Are those rats in the background? The look like rats, but I am going to pretend there are crabs.There are a lot of them. They have to be crabs right?Why couldn’t they get CHAIRS? I have no idea what is going on with their circular argument because, tons of creepy crabs. Zach looks like he has gained five pounds in his face since last week’s episode.
The next day they go to a local village and learn some basket making skills and walk through the rain forest looking at all the trees and flowers. Now this is more my speed. Nary an iguana in sight. Plus, Zach is back to saying all the right things, even though he doesn’t mean them.
Katie & Derek
These too seem happy. It seems they have already had sex. They both love cheese. Decent cheese is what really got me to Whole Foods today. I spent over $15 on two medium sized hunks. It’s a problem. What is also a problem is the giant lizards at this hotel. Panama is under consideration for a place for me to move.
Derek made their hotel room all romantic with candles he brought from home and rose petals and dessert and wine from the hotel. It’s Katie’s birthday and he wanted to make her feel special. She is totally getting birthday sex. Derek says that he is falling in love for the first time. Birthday sex was had.
Taylor & Brandon
You would think that waking up next to one of the most beautiful women on the planet would cause a man to put up with all sorts of minor irritants. Not Brandon. Taylor, being of the age of constant selfies, took a short video in bed with Brandon while he was lightly snoring. He freaked out when he woke up with her camera recording him. Did he not see the cameraman in the room filming the both? He says he had a panic attack and was freaked out by the whole thing. He’s giving her the cold shoulder.
Much later in the day, Brandon still hasn’t told Taylor why he is being such a dick to her. He finally tells her that the camera in his face gave him a panic attack. Brandon tells Taylor to “get over it.” She tells him not to speak to her that way and she was not going to be disrespected. He apologies. Taylor asks for better communication. He apologizes again. They make up.
The next day they go to the rain forest preserve and feed the sloths. Taylor keeps comparing Brandon to the testy animals. That night Brandon did the whole MAFS production planned rose petals and a bubble bath with champagne thing. Taylor has clearly never watched the show so she is buying it hook line and sinker. She’s gonna give up the cookie.
Jessica & Austin
These two are going to an iguana house and I do not want to go with them! I am still shocked that these two are getting along so well. I. can. not. with. these. iguanas. Later they do a couples massage. They are definitely having the most fun so far. They are super attracted to each other. I feel like when they get back home, their relationship will become a throuple with his mommy.
Meka arrives sans Micheal who is wandering the beach alone. She admits they got separate rooms because of a disagreement. Jessica and Austin admit they were matched because they are both weirdos. Derek and Katie both have tons of things in common and agree on most everything. Mindy jokes that she and Zach have the same moisturizer in common. Brandon brings up that Taylor woke him up with a camera in his face. He hasn’t even spoken to her about that yet. Michael shows up and totally ignores Meka. Michael is going to be taking a promotion as a principal. Oh, that is why he is such an asshole. Now it makes sense.
The girls talk and Mindy and Katie are very happy. Mindy shares that Zach is not attracted to her. Zach tells the guys that he felt nothing when he kissed Mindy and the attraction is not there. Jessica and Katie both say they have come close to having sex and expect it to happen soon. Their guys tell the same tale. Despite Meka saying that Micheal gave her a sexual ultimatum, he claims he is not in a rush to have sex at all. I believe Meka.
Meka and Michael are both still struggling. So, dinner with the other couples kind of make things worse, especially for Meka. The others noticed they are not wearing their rings. Katie and Derek, Jessica and Austen and Mindy both have hooked up. Mindy is happy that Zach kissed her.
Next week things get less romantic for most of the couples. This season is a shit show.