I’m a bit behind getting started with this Pump Rules recap, because I was out in the world on a sunshiney day! I hope you all enjoyed your day as much as I did. I meant to tell you about tonight’s WWHL this afternoon but time got away. Here is the thing. Sandoval was supposed to be on WWHL tonight. And then on Sunday they switched the guest to Ariana. Doesn’t that seem weird to you? Wouldn’t they both be there together anyway? I meant to investigate that further but didn’t have time. Just something to keep in mind tonight.
Tonight we are taking our angst and arguing on the road as the old gang heads down to Miami for a bachelor and bachelorette party for Jax and Brittany. But first, everyone has to get all up in Kristen’s relationship AGAIN. That annoys the fuck out of me.
I’m In Miami, Bitch!
We arrive in Miami where “Jax Taylor was born.” That was his Miami
hooker name modeling name when he lived with the older guy who paid his bills. As soon as they arrive, Sandoval apologizes to Stassi. She accepts and then starts things back up. Not the best authority.
Where are they staying? I love this hotel. The theme for the bachelor party is Miami brat pack. Tom Sandoval is wearing a fake mustache as part of his costume. I love Sandoval. The party is on a yacht. The ladies are all wearing wedding dresses. Stassi and Beau chat about … whatever. All I gleaned from it is that TomTom doesn’t have good ranch dressing.
I’d Love To Stay And Talk But I Really Mustache!
The guys head to a strip club. Because, guys. Beau wants to chat with Sandoval before everyone gets drunk. Beau says that he owes Stassi an apology. Sandoval says Stassi owes him an apology as well and he is yet to get one. Beau tells us in a confessional that he used to like Sandoval but now he thinks he is kind of a dick. The Toms are about to break up and I am going to be on the side of Sandoval and Ariana. Fuck errybody else.
Meanwhile, back at SUR LVP is trying to get to the bottom of things with Stassi and Sandoval. I saw Schwartz throw Tom under the bus. I thought it was a preview but I guess it was the actual scene. And checking in with the new girls. Dayna spills the beans that Scheana is hazing her because she is jealous of her relationship with Max.
It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To…
The girls go out to the club. They are all in tacky wedding dresses. None are really as tacky as Scheana’s real one. The witches of WeHo are ignoring Ariana for daring to be Sandoval’s girlfriend. There is a brief scene of fun at the club. And then…
Suddenly we are somewhere else and Brittany is having a meltdown. Apparently, the girls went to another club and they paraded around a sign that said, Don’t Do It, Brittany! It was clear they do this to all the bachelorette’s and just change the name but Brit is drunk and took it very personally. Stassi of course blames Brittany’s reaction on Kristen. Stassi and Katie are coming for Kristen hard this season and it’s annoying.
Don’t Do It Brittany!
The next morning we see everyone waking up. Jax tells Brittany that they went to a strip club and he just couldn’t get into it. He was the only one with no girl next to him. He just wasn’t interested at all. Production shows him motorboating the strippers, making it rain, and telling the guys he wants to leave Brittany for one of the strippers. Brittany isn’t buying it.
Today it is a coed party on the yacht. The girl film on the top deck and talk about SUR. Scheana complains about Dayna. Clearly, Scheana thinks about Dayna a lot. Scheana bitches about Dayna not wearing a bra. Lala comes back with, “Oh So you are mad at her tits!” For some reason I found that hilarious.
Pick A Damn Side Lala
Jax’s sister is there. They talk about marriage. She says the first year is the roughest because you can’t get away. Jax says he can’t live without Brittany. Jax also makes it clear that in confessional that they are in fact not on a yacht. They are on a boat, for a booze cruise. He’s not lying. But the guys who paid for it (well who are pretending to pay for it) called it a yacht.
After joining in with the others on the badmouthing of Kristen,Lala allows Kristen to pull her aside to talk privately. Kristen admits that she and Carter had “closure sex” and he is coming by to pick up his sex toys on Saturday. Lala will totally rely this entire conversation to the witches. Speaking of the witches, Stassi confronts Ariana for supporting her boyfriend. Really? Why would she be on Stassi’s side? Ariana blames Schwartz for the whole situation.
With “Friends Like These…”
Of course Stassi runs to Katie to say that Ariana blames Schwartz for the book party fiasco. So at dinner, Katie confronts Ariana. Then Kristen gets a call from Carter and he needs in her house to pick up his photography equipment. Of course Katie and Stassi interrogate her and treat her like shit. What horrid friends these two are. You let people work out their own relationships and work through their own breakups.
Kirsten tells someone else at the table if the roles were reversed she would never treat them like this. She has been through it with both of them, like those years Schwartz was fucking around on Katie. Katie calls Kristen a miserable person. Katie does have the market cornered on misery.
Next week: Max wants James to DJ for PRIDE. Yes please. I miss him. I’m off to watch WWHL and see what is going on there. I’ll comment in the comments if there is anything important.