It’s time for the penultimate episode of this season of Below Deck. I believe it is the episode where the last of the charter guests leave. This makes me wonder what on earth the final episode will entail. But before we get to that, Jerry O’Connell and Ashton will be on WWHL tonight. Oddly, it seems that only Jerry O’Connell is listed on my episode guide. Perhaps the were concerned no one would tune in. I am hoping to be asleep by eleven tonight as I have to get my head shrunk tomorrow and need to get my beauty sleep. But if I am, I will update the gross details in comments. Feel free to discuss WWHL in comments here as well. Now, on to tonight’s Below Deck Recap. It looks like it will be another doozy.
We start with Kevin and his bad back. I hope it hurts for real and this is not some production nonsense. Teh, the first mate, comes out to check on Kevin, so that probably means it is real.Desires & Regrets
Meanwhile, Alexis is all over her man in a Jacuzzi with other people. Alexis is expecting a ring tonight. I’d say that is highly unlikely He seems to be trying to escape escape her at every turn. As Tanner asks Kate for another makeout session in her bunk, we find out from Brian that he and Courtney have not had sex. According to Brian. So consider the source. But I don’t think we have seen any on camera action with these two on the boat.
Simone is pissed about the Katie and Tanner situation. She was the last to know about that odd pairing. She’s trying not to show it, but she admits to Ashton she regrets hooking up with Tanner. So will Kate. Courtney approaches Brian for a stolen kiss in an effort to ease tensions between them. I don’t think that will solve their issues.
Trouble Is Brüing
Rhylee and Tanner are on shift. Since the guests are indoors, Rhylee suggests the get started on the exterior where the guests usually hang out. Tanner shoots her idea down and Brian, who is off the clock magically comes in to back Tanner.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, when Kevin and Kate went over dinner service Kate specifically asked if he wanted a dish in parfait bowls. He said yes. So that is the dishware she pulled. Now, he wants gravy boats to be poured at the table. But, because the dishware is securely locked away where the guests decided to eat, she can’t make the change. Of course Kevin says this is an example of Kate doing a piss poor job.
You Don’t Have To Go Home, But Brü Can’t Stay Here!
Dinner goes well. Except for Alexis not getting a proposal at her divorce party. Le sigh. And everyone goes straight to their cabins. Which of course means the dick hands could have had an early night if they had sprayed down the deck when Rhylee suggested it. Kate mocks Simone for breaking a glass.
The next morning, Rhylee in on deck bright and early. Tanner sleeps through pulling up anchor. The guests are hungry and order an insane amount of eggs for breakfast. One guy ordered an EIGHT EGG OMELETTE! Captain Lee gets “horny.” The guests leave happy.
Brü Can’t Sit With Us
The guests have left and it’s time for the crew to have lunch. Kate specifically tells the stews they can take lunch. Everyone is in there fixing a plate. Rhylee washes up a few dishes, asks if anyone needs anything and is the last to sit down. With the Brüs on each end, neither will scoot over to let her sit down and eat with them. She takes her food and eats alone on the floor of her cabin. This shit is just ridiculous. After she leaves Ashton and Tanner say she is throwing a tantrum. Literally all she did was take her plate to her cabin. Assholes.
Rhylee gets to the tip meeting first so she can get a seat. Captain Lee compliments her specifically when he passes out the $1500 tips. Captain Lee tells them they can have shore leave but they have to get back early and get sleep for a busy work day tomorrow. Fat Chance.
Just Brü It!
The brūs all take smoke breaks while Rhylee and Ashton (to a degree) spray down the decks. When Rhylee makes a comment that maybe she should take up smoking, Ashton acts like the total shitbag that the is. Rhylee wonders aloud why they can make snide remarks to her all day long and she can’t say one thing in jest. This pisses off the little man child and begins speaking aggressively as usual. Ashton eventually storms off. The dick hands laugh and giggle and belittel Riley, while Riley actually works.
Oh I forgot, we have one last charter. It’s Jemele Hill and a few of her best girlfriends for a bachelorette themed charter. They want parties every night with penis cakes and all the tacky things. I suppose that means we will be forced to watch Ashton pretend he can strip again. UGH.
In the van on the way to dinner, Kevin asks Tanner if Kate is being too big of a bitch for him to “stick it in tonight” Tanner says he thinks he has to deal with it if he wants to get laid. Charming.
Oooh A nightime street market! I want to see more of this type of thing and less sexual assault. Was it that so hard. The girls, except for Simone try scorpion at Rhylee’s suggestion. Rhylee and Kate both love it! At the next stand, Kevin is buying some bugs for the charter. Rhylee asks him not to buy all of them. So he does. Because, asshole. She asks the lady if she has anymore. Then Kevin cals Rhylee a bitch. How due the brains work in the skulls of the douchebags? He the the fucking brüs a bizarre version of the story and one of them, possibly Brian replies, “Did you slap her with your dick?
Who Is Ready For Awkward Van Rides?
When the girls meet back up with the guys Ashton tells the guys not to even talk to her. Rhylee has finally had enough. She calls him a misogynist pig. Then she finally breaks down and cries. Courtney tells Brian to stop accelerating things with Rhylee. Rhylee flees the scene in tears. Brian chastises Courtney for sticking up for Rhylee. He was speaking quite aggressively to her. Now Courtney is doing the angry cry too.
I’ve not that since the sexual assaults, they have finally provide a van for the women and one for misogynists. Too little too late. Courtney is crying because of the way Brian spoke to her. But for some reason Kate thinks Courtney is crying because of Rhylee. Meanwhile, Rhylee has stopped by the van of inadequately small penises to tell them all to go fuck themselves. I doubt their penises are long enough to fuck each other let alone themselves. Instead they all get friendship bracelets and touch bracelets. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. Kate grabs Rhylee and speaks to her aggressively and prods her to the van.
I thought for sure the drunken children were out past curfew, but all of this shit went down in like two hours and they were home by 11pm. So they all went to bed to be prepared for the long day ahead tomorrow. Oh wait. No they didn’t. They guys all started chugging liquor and the girls cried and felt angry with the brüs and each other.
The brüs are encouraging Tanner to go fuck Kate. Tanner could in no way get his little dick up at this point. Kate walks out on deck where the brümance is happening and realizes she needs to flee. And she does leaving a few bleeped out words in her wake. This brüs continue to laugh hysterically. Kate slams a door. She blocks Kevin from walking through the entire to get to his bugs. She slams the door again. Kevin starts screaming “Kat’s being dramatic, I’ll wake up Captain!” This is a bad idea.
Down comes the captain to tell them to get their asses to bed. Ashton tries to blame Kate for everything. I don’t know why this took forever but it looks like I am awake for WWHL. UGH.