By CJ BOMB
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO THE ROARING TWENTIES! HELLO ALL! I am back ready to bang out a Project Runway recap after taking off some time for surgery and recovery. A GINORMOUS shout out to the Lovely Les who covered for me while I was laid up. This show is a BITCH to write up in the beginning as there are so many designers. AND it’s an hour and a half. She handled it the way she handles everything, with incredible grace and humor. I have been watching, but have either been drugged up, or exhausted (or both) so I’m hazy on some of the things that have gone down. Fortunately, I have Les beside me tonight to remind me and make me laugh. Let’s do this…
What Is Upcycling?
Christian comes back in after the emotional kicking off of Alan, the sweet sprite who made me laugh even though he was not going to be long for his show. Goodbye Spice Girl boot! I think his evil pixie cousin Tyler should have been sent packing. He calls himself “Project Runway’s most popular bottom and Les and I lose it. The ever helpful Sergio (more on how I feel about him coming up) points out that the judges aren’t going to give him many more chances.
Straight from the elimination, the designers meet Karlie on the runway. She announces that they will be competing to dress her for a CFDA event in Paris. Dressing Karlie for ANYTHING? Yes please. Not only that, Uber-Stylist Karla Welch is there to advise them. She tells them to make it original, wearable and chic …to think “An American in Paris.” There is a twist. They will not be going to Mood. This is an upcycling challenge.
Goodwill Towards Men?
They will be shopping for their fabric at Goodwill with $150. Karla will be there to answer any questions and give advice. Everyone is thrilled except for Delvin, who “Doesn’t like used things”. I remember screaming at Delvin more clearly now in past episodes. This is a dreaded one day challenge. Karla warns them not to cut a seam and sew buttons on an existing garment. They need to make it original. On the way out they compliment Chelsey’s pants. WE LOVE THEM TOO.
They sketch on the way to Goodwill. Karla is there waiting for them. She asks if they have any questions. Sergio wants to know what her aesthetic for Karlie is. She tells them to go classic and chic. Karlie loves a fitted waist but doesn’t like anything too short. Heidi Klum’s aesthetic would have been “slutty and short”. Karla loves that Chelsey is using denim and doing her pants. Karla tells Delvin in no uncertain terms how to cut a sleeve and he looks flustered. Maybe he should have worn his lab coat.
Who Is Melanie?
She loves Melanie’s look. I forgot Melanie was on this show. Tyler thinks he understands Karlie because his drag alter ego is Kimberly Onassis, a classy first lady. Oh, Tyler. Nancy keeps going back to Karla for advice. Her very valid point is: I have access to this incredible resource and I’m going to USE it damnit. Very smart Fancy Nancy. Karla is both patient and amused. Shavi is reminded how he would go shopping at Goodwill with his grandmother, who taught him to sew. She now has Alzheimers and doesn’t remember these things which is heartbreaking.
Sergio is acting the concerned mentor to Tyler back at the apartment. He is HIGHLY trained and doesn’t think even he with the INCREDIBLE TRAINING HE HAS FROM THE BEST DESIGN SCHOOLS could pull it off. Les looks at me and says every time Sergio starts to speak, I pause the TV, twitch, roll my eyes and sigh at the same time. He irks me THAT MUCH. Tyler is not having it. Les says Sergio is playing a mental game.
Time To Suit Up And Get In The Game!
In the workroom fabric ripping begins. Delvin irons his lab coat. He has never been to Paris, but he is inspired by the work done in the ateliers there. Hence the lab coat. He’s now more on board with this challenge. He’s doing a blend of urban and luxury. Victoria says her model is her size. Les and I roll our eyes. Oh! I am so teeny tiny! How lucky for me! In Moldova everyone is soooooo fashionable. I can’t decide how I feel about Victoria. Chelsey GETS this challenge. She’s a tall girl; Karlie is a tall girl. We are feeling good about this one for her.
There are a LOT of suits being ripped apart. Marquise isn’t going to deconstruct the jacket, he’s just going to tailor it. I turn to Les and say “bye dude”. Geoff points out that this isn’t the challenge. Les thinks that Geoff is very precise and sleek in his designs. I think he will go far if he keeps calm. He’s doing a split front mini dress with a jodphur sleeve. Melanie loved thrifting with her mom who recently passed away. We want to reach into the TV and hug her.
Why Don’t These People Listen To Christian?
Christian comes in and announces LAVERNE COX is the guest judge. He says Laverne pretty much discovered who she was shopping in the girls/women’s sections of Goodwill. This seems like a stretch, but I love Laverne, so I will roll with it.
Les points out that Christian tends to start out with the designers he thinks are the biggest hot messes. So we begin with Tyler. He’s channeling Cape Cod and Martha’s Vineyard. Sigh. Tyler I spend summers in Martha’s Vineyard. Your wide leg pant with a ruffled halter top and gold buttons? No. Just no.
Christian tells him it looks like a sailor costume and it’s not exciting. Tyler doesn’t agree. Christian tells him he doesn’t listen. TYLER!! The Coast Guard is here!! Get on the damn boat! GET ON THE S.S. CHRISTAIN SIRIANO and SAVE YOURSELF! Les and I are now doubled over laughing.
Shavi is doing a moto jacket with a pencil skirt. Christian likes the moto idea but doesn’t seem thrilled. Brittany gets a “What are you DOING?” and we panic a bit. We like Brittany. Ok, false alarm. He loves her flowy top. He also loves Chelsey’s idea. Christian points out that she hasn’t had any feedback yet. He tells her to think of all the things she can do to make it more innovative.
Tyler is freaking out because he got the “costumey” comment …again. Delvin tells him he doesn’t get costume from the look. Sergio decides to step in. He lives to share his vast knowledge with everyone because when he dies “and only he knows these specific things…it goes from the entire world.” He’s fashion Jesus. Les looks concerned as I’m full blown twitching. He reminds me of She who must not be named.
So Many Karlies!
Delvin thinks he is sabotaging Tyler. I don’t think he has to, Tyler will take care of that himself. I think he is a pompous ass who puts himself on par with Brandon and Christian. So he is also a delusional pompous ass. I turn to Les and tell her that all I want from this season is for Sergio and Delvin to be teamed up. Her eyes light up. Please fashion gods, make it happen.
An army of Karlie clones come in. Karlie Klones? Christian tells Nancy to clean up her pleats. He’s happy with Victoria’s look. Les points out that Christian does side-eye AND eye roll at the same time. This goes into effect when he points out Marquise has made a Brittany Spears school girl dress circa 1998.
Victoria crows to Delvin she is DONE. We get Victoria’s backstory. She had a very successful shop in Moldova, but decided to scrap everything when she won her green card and start over in LA. It’s been hard, but there are far more opportunities here. Sergio is still “helping” Tyler. He’s worried Tyler won’t be finished. Les yells at the TV: Yeah! CAUSE YOU ARE SLOWING HIM DOWN. Sergio isn’t fashion Jesus. He’s a fashion Sith Lord looking for apprentices. Shavi puts a hole in his skirt right before the end of the day. He is rightfully freaked out.
Runway Day Meltdowns Abound
On runway day Tyler announces he had an epiphany in the middle of the night. He’s going to do a pencil skirt. Even eating a fucking BAGEL Sergio is a pretentious ass. Les says: QUITE. Shavi is putting a band at the bottom of his skirt. He knows he’s fucked.
Christian and Karla, twin fashion pocket elves, are BOTH there to help. Delvin immediately takes advantage. He CAN learn. Karla actually styles everyone. This is a great learning experience. All designers work with someone like Karla. Not just to get their clothing on celebrities, but to send a collection down a runway. You can have the greatest furniture in the world, but if you don’t know how to arrange it in a room, what’s the point? Victoria listens for once. No big ugly purses. Marquise is using tape? Not good. Tyler is happy with his Hamptons/Cape Cod look. His model looks like she went shopping at Ann Taylor circa 1996. Tyler is doomed.
On the runway Laverne Cox is ROCKING some feathers. Karlie looks like she stepped out of a Ralph Lauren ad. She and Heidi could not be more different. Geoffrey’s look is …safe. Les points out that it is covered up but still sexy. A Karlie trademark. I think is is a bit too short. Les doesn’t have a problem with the length, but thinks the waistline is off. I’m over the exposed zipper. As much as Victoria can get on my nerves, I LOVE her look. It’s Marithe Francois Girbaud (not the jeans, the very expensive European division of the company). Les doesn’t love it as much.
Will Victoria Get Her First Victory?
I have NO clue why Victoria was in the top last week. Les points out that she has been in the top a lot. I argue that she was in the bottom the week she made that dumb-ass purse instead of lining her look. Les tells me that she was in the top that week. I must have been high as a kite. My point is, the asymmetry worked this time. Les marks her looks as arrow up for the top, straight arrow for safe, and arrow down for the bottom. After I argue this look’s merits, she sighs and tells me to go ahead and “put the fucking arrow up”. I have worn her down.
We both love Nancy’s look. Karla remarks to Christian that she thought look was going to be a hot mess, but it’s awesome. Yay FANCY NANCY! Les thinks that Delvin’s look is predictable and boring. I wrote down “disco jumpsuit”. Dayoung’s look is okay. Normcore. Tyler? Les is getting Great Gatsby costume. I tell her I don’t remember it once it leaves the runway. Les says: ooooh that’s bad. When Sergio’s look comes down the runway I ask Les if the model’s boobs are supposed to be a present? They look gift-wrapped with that dumbass bow. Les says Karlie doesn’t do crappy bows. I have no idea what the rest of the look is because I only see the bow.
Will Double Sided Tape Send Marquise Home?
Melanie has a LOT of boobage going. Les is ok with everything but the lapels. Oh Marquise. We are concerned for Marquise. I love Brittany’s top but think the bottom should have been simpler to compliment it. Les points out she always does a “mullet” bottom. In this case it is a side mullet. Chelsey’s look is amazing. It is cool, unique and very HER. Well done girl. We love it. Shavi’s model has to inch down the runway in her too tight slutty secretary look. It is painful to watch.
We have the same choices this week. Chelsey, Victoria and Fancy Nancy for the top with Chelsey to win. Our bottom three are Tyler, Marquise and Shavi with Tyler to go. Well look at that! We nailed it with our choices.
The Judges Debate The Looks
The judges love Chelsey’s look. She used 12 pairs of jeans to make this. Nina says it was very smart to pick denim. Not only is it very American, it’s one of the biggest pollutants when manufactured. So upcycling this material makes complete sense. Karlie loves it and calls it effortless and cool. Brandon has a few issues with the fit of the top. Laverne loves the double waistline and the inventiveness of the look. Backstage Delvin gets snarky about it. FUCK OFF DELVIN.
Marquise is roasted for his construction. Elaine wants to know why he thought this was a good idea for Karlie. Karlie says the tape is all she could see. Nina points out that Marquise designed what he is wearing and THAT would have been a great look for Karlie. The runway look is forced. Brandon points out that tailoring is a mess and he’s getting Chippendales. Does that still exist?
Laverne thinks there are cool elements but it’s over designed. Karlie thinks Victoria took what Karlie wanted to wear and elevated it for a Paris event. She loves it. Nina thinks she stayed true to herself while still meeting the challenge. Elaine feels it was the only fully formed piece elevated to perfection. Victoria begins to cry. It’s actually a sweet moment. Laverne tells her that dreams can come true and that she gasped when this came down the runway. In a great way. She adores it.
Tyler Makes A Fatal Mistake
Oh Tyler. YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER. Karlie asks him if he’s happy with his look. He is. Brandon runs down the requirements for the challenge and the only one Tyler hit was “wearable”. But not in any place like Paris or Martha’s Vineyard.
Tyle interrupts…….”Not even to dinner with the Kushners?” Everyone gasps…..onstage, backstage, here, all of NYC….. TYLER YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER. I never want to have someone look at me the way Karlie is looking at Tyler right now. Karlie Kloss, as well as MOST EVERYONE IN THE FASHION INDUSTRY CANNOT STAND IVANKA TRUMP. Everyone on this panel cannot stand her.
I don’t care what your politics are, but if you are STUPID enough not to know this about the person who is judging you? I can’t. He then tries to save himself by saying “that’s your husband!” Les and I can barely watch as Karlie rips into him. I would have just left right then. Shavi and Marquise owe him a fruit basket because this idiot just saved their asses.
Fancy Nancy Is In The Top!
Nancy is emotional because she’s the oldest person to have ever been on this show. Laverne loves the whole look and wants to know more about the skirt. She explains that the skirt is made up of 8-9 pairs of jeans. Karlie thought it was so refreshing and she’s never seen a backwards shirt look so good. Nina says it is effortless chic and practical. Elaine thought it was a little bit too conservative. Brandon interrupts and says he completely disagrees. On a runway of heavy looks this felt light and effortless and she has arrived! She wants to hug Brandon. We want to hug Brandon.
Victoria wins! Tyler is kicked off to absolutely no one’s surprise except Tyler. He asks if he can explain he wasn’t trying to be a jerk. They are like yeah…bye. This jackass thinks he’s getting the Christian Siriano save. Nope. I don’t Christian has ever taken greater pleasure sending someone to the workroom to pick up their things.
Happy New Decade everyone. We send everyone love and light and mostly PEACE. Doesn’t look like it’s happening next week as it’s a team challenge. But Cyndi Lauper is there! Love her. Share what you think in the comments! And Fancy Nancy and Chelsey! We love you!
See you next week! Happy to be back!!!