Twas the night before the night before Christmas…and a very dark and stormy night. So of course what we all need is a trip to Thailand, Thailand, where everyone gets a baby elephant, right? Well, true or not, this is Below Deck recap will have double the misogyny and double the drama! So let’s just do it!
Kevin in an act of genius (or as told by production) is grilling a meal with no working exhaust fan on the boat. Even, worse… he’s grilling fish. I love fish. I love grilled fish. But, I don’t want to be smelling fish on a chartered yacht in Thailand.
Meanwhile on the deck, the dick hands are complaining about Rhylee’s knot tying. Let the misogyny begin!
Men (and Women) In Black
Somehow, Kevin manages to knock it out of the park with his lunch despite the smoke filled kitchen. Everyone loves it, even Master Pearson, the star of the past two episodes. But even easygoing young Pearson is not happy with the super hot weather in Thailand. Pearson is a brave little boy who goes right down the water slide right into the Pacific Ocean.
After a bit of dickheadishness by the dick hands toward Rhylee, it’s time to move on to dinner. Apparently, a lot goes down during shore leave for the crew so we have to move on quickly. Captain Lee is wearing a tux to dinner with the guests to try to salvage the tip. Everyone on the crew is in their blacks. It’s a 1920s themed party. These are always ridiculously inaccurate.
The Bowline Knot
Ashton has Rhylee and Tanner practice tying bowline knots during dinner service. I’m pretty sure this is one of the first knots people learn to tie and that this whole scene is bullshit. I am pretty sure I learned this in Girl Scouts. Ashton quickly starts screaming about Rhylee and her bad attitude. This is a common theme with Ashton. Rhylee has a bad attitude. Kate has a bad attitude. This could be a training tool for misogynistic behavior in the workplace. The next day Tanner and Brian trash Rhylee all day.
TRAVESTY! Master Pearson is denied dessert because he is cranky. He is cranky because he had a long day and dinner is at O’Dark Thirty every dayum night. He’s a perfect little boy! Lighten up!
More Dickish Behavior
Tanner continues running his mouth about his relationship with Simone. He wants to make it clear he wants nothing to do with her after
the show charter. Pretty much none of these relationships last. But it is not necessary to keep telling the entire crew he is only using Simone for sex. Kate basically calls him a dick but he’s to much of a dick to notice.
Out on deck, Ashton and Brian continue to bash Rhylee. Brian says he is all in to do the last two charters without Rhylee. The guests leave and they had a great time despite missing the beach trip. I was expecting a much bigger fuel boat. Everyone whines over making $1,500 for two days work.
Ashton calls his mom and says he is behaving himself. LIES. Before shore leave Tanner plans to dump Simone. They meet for beers on the deck. Tanner says he thinks they are on two different wavelengths. Simone disagrees. Then he basically says he want to spend the last two weeks in Thailand fucking whatever he can get. I hope he gets herpes. Simone says she’s perfectly fine with that. Tanner seems mystified as to why she is not groveling for his drunk ass. Brian takes a very grumpy and self-involved off the boat for a short date. She is such a navel-gazer. She whined the whole date.
Phuket! Let’s Go To Patong Beach
If we have to go to another ping pong show, I am not ready. We just did that with the Dallas bitches. Instead we are going to a crazy nightclub where Courtney resumes her whining and complaining. Simone has dressed to impress Tanner while living her best life on the dance floor with other guys. Kate points out to him that she is the hottest girl on the dance floor. Tanner tells Kate he has been wanting to hook up with her all season. She calls him a child.
The dickheads get extremely wasted and once again dance on a stage they were not invited on. One of them does THE WORM. Is it the 80s again? Because I’m too old to live through that decade a second time.
Don’t Make Me Turn This Car Around!
All of the guys are shitfaced when they get back to the van and Ashton once again sexually assaults Kate with his tongue. Then Tanner asks if he can kiss Kate. She says no. At least he listened. As things really get rolling (It’s a very long taxi ride) Ashton starts making comments about wanting Kate on his face. Then he denies the numerous sexual assaults and says, “You should be so lucky, and I should be so drunk.” What a steaming pile of shit this one is.
Conversation turns to Tanner and his mom who must be so thrilled watching this season of her son. After a few jokes about how Tanner’s mom is just home hoping he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant. Kate asks what else there is to talk about other than Tanner’s mom. She asks Ashton what is going on with his mom. And that is when Ashton lost his shit. Ashton continuously tries to get into the back seat where Kate is cowering in a corner to attack her. Then he starts punching the inside of the van. Tanner somehow gets Ashton to chill out. And for some reason Kate gave Tanner a quick smooch. Jiminy Cricket!
Back on the boat, drunk off his ass Ashton goes to the galley with Kevin searching for food. They damn near burn the kitchen down. Kate goes to investigate the smoke. Ashton and Kate get into it. She tries to explain that his response to her asking about his mom was way out of line. Ashton starts lecturing her and pulls out his housewife finger. He says that his crew makes fun of Tanner’s mom every day. That is his crew and she needs to butt out of managing it. Kate says she didn’t know that making fun of Tanner’s mother was a crew management style.
Ashton calls Kate “fucking Miss Big Bitch Boots.” He drags drunk Tanner out of bed. At this point the entire crew is listening. You cannot tell me Captain Lee cannot hear this. Ashton is screaming utter drunken nonsense at Kate. He really seemed to be intimidated by her authority. Then he says that she thinks she is better than the rest of the crew. Um, GUESS WHAT, DICK HAND? She is better than the rest of the crew. At least this shit season. Then Tanner says she gets away with more than everyone else. YES SHE DOES, pissant season one misogynistic deckhand. Yes she fucking does. AND?
Then Ashton says that the entire crew feels that way about her. Kate says, “Okay great. Go find another chief stew. I quit.
Rhylee tries to stop Kate from leaving. Kate says she can’t stay in this environment and she would like to leave. Kate asks production to give her her phone and her passport. She wants a hotel room and a plane ticket. She grabs a bag and leaves with production in her wake.