My lazy holiday recapping (/giggles) continues tonight with the RHOC recap of part one of the THREE PART REUNION. I’m already exhausted. My first question is why Shannon is wearing Spanx at the reunion now that she has a great body? Just be a normal sized person! What surgery has Vicki had where she feels the need to show Andrew her incisions? Who does that? Andy politely declines. Andy needs to learn he should NEVER comment on a woman’s weight. Even in a kind way. Andy needs to learn a lot of things about his ratchet shows. SWIDT? Emily had a full hip replacement ten days before the reunion due to arthritis. I love that Andy tells Tamra they have some strategically placed shrubbery off stage if she needs a moment.
Fun Shannon Is BACK, BABY!
We start with Fun Shannon being back. I mean, how much fun was she really? Andy asks about her daughter writing a book on divorced parents. He also asks about her divorce settlement. She tries to blow it off as overblown figures. It’s court record. She also talks about her child going to Baylor. She’s happy about it, but, um we are not Blind Item Reveal. Shannon thought she should get more. Shannon has a new very hot boyfriend named John and she says he checks all her boxes. They feel like a family. The other housewives approve. He had never seen the show but he watches now. Sounds like they may be longterm. Good for Shannon.
Okay, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Gina seems to have gained all the weight that Shannon lost. I’ve never been married, but I know a lot of people who have and they either lose a lot of weight or gain a lot of weight during the divorce. I feel the need to acknowledge that Gina seems to be stress eating. She has a lot going on.
Vicki Feels Like A Has Been
Since Vicki was barely paid for this season and only a friend despite being on every episode, and agreeing to a fake (?) engagement to be back on the show. She is feeling some kinda way about having to wait to take a seat on the couch. Vicki is demanding to basically sit next to Andy and not on the end of the couch where the nobodies sit. She gets her way. Eventually.
But first, we get the Emily and Gina scenes. I must say, it is way more fun to watch this when I don’t feel in a hurry to get shit up quickly. Reunions are hard to recap. I smiled today when Cho opted not to recap the reunion part the Survivor finale. IT TAKES FOREVER! And often times the things you are recapping are not that important! I am TEAM EMILY ALL THE WAY. Gina is trying to dump Emily to be with “the cool grandmas.” Who does that?
Sidenote: Why are Kelly’s fake boobs droopier than my old lady tits?
More Tres Amigas Bullshit
Clearly, Gina is still still Team Tres Amigas. Team Gina. They are clearly not still friends. Gina still seems to be drinking a lot and looks bloated. Kelly weigh in on the subject saying that Vicki never likes people their first year. She says she is “seasoned” and get how it works. Shannon and Tamra weigh in to scoffed at the “seasoned” remark. But Kelly is right and says they are beyond seasoned. Essentially, they are burnt out. My sources are predicting a major cast shakeup for next season so we shall see how it all shakes out. Andy himself has said they have great options waiting in the wings. But the truth is we don’t want great options. We need to see what happens to these bitches. We want to “watch what happens.”
Gina gets up to hug it out with Emily. I think Emily needs to leave Gina alone. She’s a taker and Gina is a giver and that can lead to problems. Meanwhile Vicki is LOSING HER MIND being backstage for all of this. SHE IS THE OG OF THE OC, Dammit. I really do think production fucked her all the way over this season. Vicki is the last one standing from season one and I don’t want her to go. My sources say she promised and engagement and a wedding over two seasons which is what production wanted. But Vicki is demanding an orange next season. So we will see how that goes. What she needs, honestly is a better entertainment attorney.
Vicki Finally Takes The Stage
Let’s face it Vicki was in every episode even though her check was cut and she was friendzoned. She was the season. Vicki is pissed with Andy. Andy is pissed that Vicki sued Bravo and Kelly over an actually false claim against Vicki for fraud. Vicki is a broker for insurance not an insurance company so she was the wrong party to sue. But Kelly made false claims about Vicki and had a valid lawsuit against Kelly. Then Bravo told Vicki if she didn’t drop all the lawsuits they would not allow her to be on the reunion. So she did.
They are totally roasting Vicki on this reunion and it is rude. I’m exhausted with these people I just want to get to Project Runway. I think Shannon is full of shit about going to the hospital for Kelly gonging her on the head. These fools get ambulance rides by Bravo. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT COSTS NORMAL PEOPLE TO TAKE AN AMBULANCE? It can be half a year’s salary! Just shut up.
Kelly claims she made a million dollars by the time she was 20. She has business assets. And Vicki is jealous. She might be right. Both are investing but Vicki’s investments seem to go wrong. MUCH SCREECHING. Banjo is annoyed. I am annoyed. Vicki and Kelly get into it over who is more OC. Vicki says it is her show.
It’s just so much SCREECHING! The end.