This has been a weird season for Below Deck recaps. Kate has been unusually patient with the stews and even with the new chef. It’s been a calmer, gentler Kate. And now this is the season that we get an episode titled, “Everyone Hates Kate”?! We start with the end of Kate finally telling Simone that she is not second stew material. And she’s not. She can’t open a wine bottle or serve an iced coffee or even check on the guest to meet their needs. Simone reacts badly. Stupidly, she accepts Rhylee’s invitation to be a shoulder to cry on. Rhylee’s advice is “Kate does this to everyone.” And normally, Rhylee would be right. But this season Kate has been a lot more patient with everyone.
Rhylee bunks with Kate so of course she went straight to Kate and told her Simone was melting down. She does say she likes Simone though. Then she tells Kate she is going to steal Brian away from Courtney. I try to support Rhylee but this is not something you announce in advance. You just do it and then pretend not to know how it happened.
It’s Time To Get Dirty!
But, first things first. We have to kick these guests off so the drama can happen. It’s a lot easier with a full deck crew. The tip was great and once again people complained. Captain Lee gave them the afternoon off to hang out at an elephant sanctuary. And the next day off to go to a resort where they can get drunk by the pool.
Before they head to Thailand, Thailand where everyone gets a baby elephant, Kate has a fit over where wine is being stored. It’s almost like she is planning on drinking it herself. One the way to the baby elephants, Rhylee tells the entire girl’s van what Tanner told her about going down on Simone and her touching his dick for eight seconds. Rhylee, girl, COME ON. You have to learn to keep your mouth shut! And so does Tanner. Because he is magically telling the boys van at the same time. I see you, production.
I Smell A Double Standard…
First of all, on the first several seasons the crew wasn’t allowed to drink on the boat at all unless they brought a bottle back from shore leave. Lately, especially this season, they all seem to be helping themselves to the bar. After they return from the elephant sanctuary, Simone and Tanner have a very civil talk about keeping their private life private. He agrees. They hug. Everything seems fine. Then Tanner starts doing shots and does a talking head where basically he seems done with Simone.
Tanner tells Brian and Ashton that Rhylee told Simone that he was running his mouth about their personal business. So now, this is all Rhylee’s fault and she can’t be trusted. Actually Tanner, the one who can’t be trusted to keep his mouth shut is YOU. But now the deck crew is all turning on Rhylee. Everyone goes to bed except Tanner. Brian crawls into Courtney’s bed. Tanner kills off a bottle of liquor alone on the deck. He gets naked wasted. Literally and then texts Simone to come to his quarters. She jumps up and runs right over. But, he is already passed out. She sleeps next to his drunken carcass.
Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw?
The next morning everyone is up at 8:30 for a 10:30 departure. Well, almost everyone. Courtney is up bright and early and looks refreshed and ready well before departure. At 10:28 Rhylee and Kate have still not rolled out of bed. At 10:35, Kate opens a bottle of champagne conveniently located in her cabin and begins drinking. Four minutes later Ashton is at Kate and Rhylee’s cabin begging them to hurry up. Kate is snarky and doesn’t care. She’s head stew. They can all wait for her.
Tanner has no memory of why he was naked in bed with Simone or if they did anything the previous night. At the very fancy resort, Simone and Rylee spend they time drinking a gawking at the deck hands playing pool. Rylee is plotting her moves on Brian in explicit detail. Many shots are taken by all. Ashton wants everyone to get Smashtoned. Simone is humping Tanner in the pool. And then, two hot dancers who work for the resort come put on a show for the drunk deckhands. They can’t contain their excitement. Literally. Even in the pool. This will not go well. Ashton starts his stripping moves. Smashton is all the way out.
Sunrise, Sunset, Sun Poisoning
Tanner and Ashton swim up to the in pool stages and start dancing with the reluctant paid dancers. Tanner is so inappropriate that girl he was dancing with walks off and probably quits her job forever on a way to wash all the fucktard sweat off her.
Everyone except Kate heads to the beach to watch the sunset. Kate stays in a shady palapa by the pool and avoids sun poisoning. On the beach Brian and Kevin discuss how much they hate Kate. Because? Production. Because she hasn’t done a thing to anyone this entire trip.
Katie goes over to the pool bar to clear her tab. Kevin is already there paying his. ALLEGEDLY. They probably don’t have to pay a bill at all. Kevin asks her if she has paid hers. She shoots back that she always pays the bills. Then, she points out that Kevin probably doesn’t know how that works since he is usually passed out before the bill comes. She and Ashton usually pick up the bills. Kevin continues to be a dick.
Time For The Mandatory Dinner Brawl
As usual, the first big issue is the seating chart. Simone is still very hurt by Tanner and Tanner is too drunk to notice or care. When the guys go for a smoke, they try to explain to Tanner what a fuckup he is. Tanner is falling down drunk. Again.
They manage to get into the vans and the producers apparently have desegregated the vans to intensify the drama. Kate and Brian are in one van with Courtney and Tanner. Brian starts up with Kate when she goes to get a beer. He lets her know that he packed the van cooler. Kate is very polite and tells Brian he’s a great yachtie. Brian is apparently offended by the term yachtie. So he calls Kate a bitch.
Oh Shit! Daddy’s Up Waiting For Us!
When they get back to the dropoff to the boat, Kate is really pissed. She jumps out of the van before it even stops moving. The producer keeps telling her to wait until they are parked to get out. Brian is usually a decent guy. Apparently, drunk Brian is not. Wait. Neither is sober Brian. In his talking head he says that Kate is the problem on the boat. She has problems with everyone. He’s sticking with his Kate Hate. This is not wise. Kate could shot a man in Time Square and Captain Lee would still take her side. And in this case he would be right.
Kate is the first one back to the boat. It’s only 9:30 so Captain Lee is still up and in the crew galley. He ask Kate how she is doing and she says everything is great. Then the guys come in. And all but Kevin take their boozing outside. Kate asks Captain Lee what size pants he wears. She already knows this. Again with production. Also, Kate would have made everyone put the laundry away before they left for shore leave. Anyway, Captain Lee is a 36 if you are interested. Kate starts tossing all the other sizes off onto the floor. Kevin runs to tell.
Ashton comes and throws all the pants back on the table. Kate and Ashton exchange words. Kate asks Ashton if he would like to know what Brian said to her. He walks off. Captain Lee decides to have a cocktail in his quarters. But he is pissed. And when they all sober up heads will roll. Brian apologies to Kate privately. She dismissed him and then has a good old fashioned drunk cry.
Next week: Captain Lee calls a much needed crew meeting. Rhylee makes sure Brian knows how she feels about him. OMG! Master Pearson comes back. He’s a bossy little preschooler. As if Kate’s day could not get any worse. Kevin has a kitchen fire.