Finally got Below Deck to record so I can do a proper Below Deck Recap. We begin with Rhylee, a horrible women who dared to request that the group include something Paleo in their dinner order. Something that if one of the guys had said it would be perfectly fine, but Rhylee saying it is the end of the world as we know it. Oddly, Katie is for once on the side of truth and righteousness, or maybe just the side of NOT KEVIN and sticks up for Riley. Not that it matters much because Captain Lee has been TEAM BRO and against TEAM MOUTHY BROAD pretty solidly on social media.
Filed under less obvious events, Tanner is wasted. But more importantly, when did he get so hot? I’ve barely noticed him all season and now he seems to be some sort of tall drink of water right before practically passing out at the bar. Oh look! It seems he is going to puke and rally! You go Tanner! Then he decides to sexually harass Simone! But it is not sexual harassment when a bitch has been begging for your attention all season! Sidenote: I am awake because I can’t stop sneezing and blowing my nose. Some sort of allergic reaction to some damn thing, AAAAACHOO!
Courtney is a prude who needs to loosen up. But I do wonder how Simone can keep all of those teeth in her mouth. She seem to have more than than the average human. I forsee an awkward morning for just about everyone. It’s Kevin though who has to be peeled out of the Uber.
As I Lay Dying
Meanwhile Brian is a gonna die. Or become an amputee and literally no one gives a shit. But the drunks kindly tell him all the things he missed. And why is Bro, Brü this season? Speak the English! Even if you are dying. Apparently, he ain’t dead yet and has one final predeath fuck with Courtney. Simone makes out with vomit breath Tanner. And takes him to his bed. Tanner remembers NOTHING the next day. Which would make Simone a predator if the roles were reversed in today’s climate.
They’ll Always Be A Morning After
And it’s awkward for all the hookups. So Ashton is a dick to Rhylee. Rhylee is a woman with opinions and her off shore behavior should not be something that Ashton gets to ride her about. But he does. And she takes it well.
Kevin actually apologizes to Rhylee. Wonders never cease. They actually hug it out. Tanner and Simone make out. Brian continues to slowly die unnoticed. Wait who is that fucking? I think it is Simone and Tanner. Mom must be so proud.
It seems that Captain Lee has decided not to let Brian die on his watch. So he sends him to a hospital. What a novel idea! They have only been docked for 24 hours or so. In other news, why are we doing a Doritos commercial in Thailand. I’ve never been to Thailand, but I am guessing Doritos are nor really a thing thing there. My favorite hotel in Paris the K+K used to have a gas station next door. It was the BEST. THING. EVER. You could buy beer and chips and they had a sandwich maker. It was very conducive to holing up in your hotel room. This is something that is highly underrated. I was sick one day and stayed in my room watching Hart to Hart reruns and it was one of the best days of my life!
Oh look it is six women. And we are off for our next cruise. Are we leaving Brian on shore? Simone can’t cut lemons. Because, hard. Ashton makes a sexist comment about Simone not being good at service. It was funny. Don’t tell anyone I laughed.
When I am able to travel again, I should get my rich friends to book a Below Deck trip. I would never tell you it was me. Meanwhile it sounds like Brian has some sort of flesh eating bacteria that had to be extracted. OUCH. Captain Lee is all “ain’t nobody got time for this!”
A Picnic In A Cave?
Oh. No Thank You Mam. And yet, she persisted. As did Brian and his gimpy leg. He returns to the boat victorious. Jellyfish are everywhere and the ladies want to know who will pee on them if they get stung. ME! I have to pee all the time. Finally something I could contribute to the crew. Only I am also perpetually seasick on a boat. So I might puke on you too. But I am a very good pee-er.
To The Bat Cave!
Because production thought that lunch in a cave would make for good TV. Or you know catastrophic TV. Who cares either way, right? Except everyone is a gonna die. YAY Great TV!
A guest steps on a sea urchin and has to soak her foot in vinegar. Then they all just get drunk. And sadly don’t screw. But Captain Lee shows up for dinner out of uniform looking hot, so there is that. Why are they eating indoors? That’s weird. But the guests are hammered. So… who cares? Well Captain Lee does. But still. Getting hammered is kind of the point. And these ladies are fun.
Maybe Captain Lee doesn’t think so. But Iove that Kate and Rhylee are bonding. FOR NOW. I don’t trust Kate as far as I can throw her boney ass. We shall see. but next time she gets into it with Simone and Simone is pissed that Tanner is oversharing.