I am going to try to get into this RHOA recap tonight but my mind is on other things. I’m hoping this recap will stop me from freaking out about those things. I just noticed that Eva was super pregnant in the peach holding scene and also they were all in different colored dresses.
Kenya and Porsha go to a Jitterbug class and dance with their babies. Who would have ever thunk I would be typing that sentence? So cute. Kenya insists on wearing heels and Porsha is twerking it out. Because, of course. Kenya talks about her marriage to Marc. She says Brooklyn sleeps in the bed with her and with Marc when he is there. Marc and Kenya are not having sex. These babies are so cute.
Moving On Up To A Deluxe Apartment In The Sky
Kandi is such a good parent. She has been sending Riley to summer programs in London and Stanford for the past few years to help he learn to live away from home. Riley wants to be an attorney and Kandi’s entertainment lawyer is letting her intern with him. Kandi also has a really nice apartment for her to live in in NYC while she does that. It’s $5,547 a month nice! Dayum. This makes me feel even worse for my lawn kid. 🙁 NOT HELPING! She got a Porshe when she was 16. Lawn kid doesn’t have a drivers license, but he says he knows how to drive.
Riley doesn’t know what an ice tray is. The doorman brings up all of her bags. She has to be given money to tip him with. When Kandi explains that she needs to always tip, she asks for a tipping allowance. Kaela explained she has never had an allowance and worked summers for her money. I wish my lawn kid could trade places with him. Riley is shocked she is going to have to clean her own bathroom. Tonight, of all nights, I find this very irritating.
Nene Has A Make Up Lunch With Marlo & Yovanna Spills The Tea
On tonight’s episode, Yovanna finally gets to do some of her bone carrying. The poor girl got a very cheap friend contract strictly for this purpose and only will be on a handful of episodes. Last week, Nene kind of hysterically bolted on Marlo via a Central Park pedicab. So now they have to make up because no one else really wants to film with Nene. So Yovannaa and Marlo have to carry bones for now.
Marlo tries to get Nene to make up with Cynthia. But Yovanna tells Nene that Cynthia said being friends with Cynthia was toxic and a burden. I don’t even think Yovanna was there for that. She saw it on some sort of Youtube thing that I think Kandi did with Cynthia at the wine store.
Y’all, Bravo done set up a video camera INSIDE OF EVA’S FRIDGE! WTF? Is nothing sacred? LOL!
Wear Red, Or GET READ!
Best party them ever! Kandi tries her best to stop Kenya from regifting the doll that Eva brought for Brooklyn to the Barbie Bash. But Kenya has to be all extra knowing that Eva will be at the party. Gurl, stop!
I love that Eva wore white with red sneaks. I have to say that when I pull photos for these recaps it is so hard to choose Eva photos because she is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. Dare I say she is the prettiest on the show? There is your controversial statement for the night. Who do you think is the prettiest. I have to say they are all REALLY pretty.
This shindig is fraught with controversy already because all the baby mamas were told to make other arrangements for their babies. Porsha hasn’t found a suitable nanny yet because she has first baby syndrome and Mother Teresa would not qualify for her nanny position.
Yovanna Love Tries To Earn Her Shit Stiring Check
Now I am thinking about Lawn Kid eating himself sick. Sigh. Sorry. ANYWAY. Cynthia asked for no babies but Porsha apparently had no child care. Cynthia called Kenya and said she can bring the baby and the nanny if she wants to. Kenya has a nanny! Why would she bring the baby to an adult event? Kenya is very short with Cynthia on the phone. WITH CYNTHIA. Come on Kenya. We are all trying to like you this season and you are making it so HARD! This whole event is getting half an episode, so I know the drama is only going to get worse.
Eva and Kenya are very polite. For now. Everyone brings something to eat which is cool. When Eva asks about Riley and Kandi catches her up to speed she says, “She is more well traveled than 40 year olds.
Yovanna does the job that Bravo is barely paying her to do. She starts stirring the shit between basically everyone. Cynthia says that she told Yovanna what she felt about Nene and if she felt the need to run that back to Nene then she is fine with that. Yovanna keeps on stirring for her tiny check. Cynthia has grown a pair this season and I a here for it!
What’s A Bit Of Regifting Between Friends?
Porsha arrives with baby PJ. Kenya contributed some lobster. Porsha brought the obligatory Hot Dog Factory hot dogs. Don’t shade her for that ladies! I keep meaning to get to The Hot Dog Factory. Fuck. Why didn’t I do that during the break? That would have been a good story for the site. Remind me to go during Christmas. It seems like maybe Porsha isn’t the one who brought them.
Everything is going great until Kenya decides to stunt and regift Eva’s gift to her child right in front of Eva, who was kind enough to give it to Brooklyn. So not cool, Kenya. Why does she do these things? Porsha knows it was a gift to Kenya from Eva. Porsha wants to fix things. She goes straight to Eva to tell her what Kenya did.
I am definitely Team Eva on this dustup. Eva decided she didn’t want her kids around a filming that might be hostile. She came, she brought a lovely gift and Kenya is being a cuntsatchel. Just went things could not be worse, it is time for Marlo’s call time. Le sigh.
Then suddenly Kenya is going on Cynthia. None of what Kenya is doing right now makes sense. Again, I am TEAM EVA and I TRY SOFA KING HARD to be Team Kenya. Then Marlo tries to come for Eva. Oh HELL NOE. Eva says Marlo says mean shit because she is mean. TRUE FACTS. Then Marlo says Eva doesn’t say what she wants to say because she if fake. No girl, Eva tries to keep things respectful. She has children and doesn’t want to be looking like a fool on TV. Marlo’s tricks don’t care how stupid she has to look for a dollar. At least Marlo has a bigger check than Eva and doesn’t have to keep the tags on her clothes to return them anymore. Yeah. I said it.
Eva Decides To Leave
I love that Eva decides to just leave. She is pregnant, she has an ex stalking her, she has a husband and kids waiting at home. She ain’t got time for this shit. Marlos screams about Eva living above her needs. That is laughable. Eva may make less than Marlo on the show but she is not buying ridiculously expensive shit with designers names blaring all over the place. Eva has a husband who is a lawyer and kids. She has recently bought a house that is sensible and has no need to show off. Eva is not laying with old white men for money. Eva has a sweet little family a nice house and a five year contract for a radio show in Dallas that pays WAY more than Marlo makes on RHOA even with Marlo’s giant raise. So eat that, Marlo.
Back at the table everyone seems to be going after the hostess, Cynthia. I not know what the fuck is the reason for that. Apparently,production wants them to play a game no one wants to play. So they go back inside so Cynthia can do production’s bidding and bitch about PJ and the nanny taking up so much space. Why? Cynthia loves PJ and all the babies and we all know she does not care about this.
WHAT? How the hell does Porsha not win Best Twerker? She is the Princes of Thotlandia! I can’t believe I don’t have a gif of her twerking! How did her sister steal this award!? Marlo won for shadiest person. Kenya won best read because Eva left. You won by default, Kenya. How am I just noticing Marlo’s man hands. If I had not seen all those mugshots I would wonder if she had transitioned.
Why does Yovanna think Tanya is thirsty? She barely said a word on this epsisode?! What is wrong with these people? And who the fuck is Yovanna and why does she get a vote? She is just there because no one wanted to film with fucking Nene! Yovanna should get this award. I love how Porsha shades her. And Yovanna wins the Thirsty Bitch award.
Marlo OMG MY HEART BREAKS EVEN MOORE
Wow then things suddenly get heavy. Who is the most insecure and instead of pointing fingers, people talk about their own insecurities which feels like a real moment for a change. When it comes to Kenya she says in front of Marlo, God and everyone, “never finding unconditional love.” Good Lord, I was just starting not to feel sad. This is heartbreaking. Even Marlo supports her and I am destined to cry all night. Marlo….MARLO steps up to the plate to lift Kenya up. Whew. I need a moment.
Nest week: Nene tries to come back via Kandi but then says that someone recorded everything Kandi has said about Nene. That should be interesting. Todd and his daughter have a real conversation about how he doesn’t know how to show her affection. Kenya disrupts Marlo’s wig line with a Moore Hair Care intrusion. REALLY KENYA? GAWD.