I am all in for this week’s RHOC Recap! However, my brain is full. I have been handling a lot technical updates to the site for the past couple weeks. And the last 48 hours have been THE WORST. I’ve taken five years of French and can sort of kind of read it. Barely speak it. And though French speakers get what I am trying to say, I usually can’t understand them at all. Once I was in Paris at Christmas and in a very tourist area when a young man approached me asking for help in French. I understood him perfectly and responded in French. He was as it turns out American.
With tech stuff, this is a whole language I have never studied. I had to carry messages between the SSL help desk. the hosting site help desk, and the domain site helpdesk spoken in tech speak. But today, I finally got the result I needed. So I NEED A stupid housewives show and copious amounts of alcohol. I am relieved and feel like Mercury may be out of retrograde.
It’s Time For Dueling Factions!
I’ve missed an episode or two, so bear with me if I sound “more stupider” than ever. Literally, the taglines just started and Banjo has to go out. It’s like he KNOWS when the worst moments of the day and night are to go outside. Argh. Earlier today when I was on with tech support he started barking for literally no reason. I Shouldn’t complain though. I will miss this when he’s gone.
Innnnnn This Corner We Have Tamra, Vicki and ……Emily?
Tamra and Vicki meet for lunch and they are both pissed at Kelly. Both of them now have her blocked. The thing is that Tamra actually did say Kelly threw her mother down the stairs a couple years ago and Kelly has some sort of “secret footage” of her saying that. Tamra says that was taken out of context. Then Emily joins the lunch. Seems like a weird person to be there. I love Emily, and don’t see her with these two cons. It’s a Kelly bashing session. I’m not a Kelly fan but most of these women need to be bashed.
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Tamra is pissed because at this time she was still in a lawsuit with Jim Bellino and Kelly was spewing dirt on Tamra and tagging Jim Bellino. Tamra claims between her and Shannon they have spent half a million dollars on legal fees. I don’t believe that. Emily tries to defend Kelly a little bit despite her rude behavior toward Shane. Kelly is now closer with Kelly than Tamra.
And In This Corner We Have Kelly and….. Shannon?
Next, we see Kelly who has made up with her mother. That’s sweet. She talks to her mom on the phone. She’s crying to her mom about everyone “being me to her. Girl, please. You are a bitch to literally everyone on the show. Clearly, she has sent her mother some money to say she didn’t throw her down the stairs and her mother dutifully repeats the “she is going to get sued for defamation of character.” Kelly says she didn’t throw her mom down the stairs. She picked her up and put her outside her door.
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Basically Kelly is saying that Tamra is a horrible person and Tamra is saying Kelly is a horrible person. Neither of them is wrong about that. They are both horrible. Kelly says that Tamra talks shit about Shannon all the time too. Tamra says Shannon is a drunk who is drinking herself to death. Shannon is Team Tamra. In her confessional Shannon says she believes Tamra. You know who else Shannon believed? David. Shannon’s truth detector is way out of whack. Kelly says that she is removing herself from the Tres Amigas.
A Weaning Party?
After nineteen years of breastfeeding, the brood cow is throwing herself a party. On the way to the party, Emily and Gina are apparently driving themselves, don’t they usually have a car service for these things? Maybe Emily doesn’t drink. Or maybe they are going shopping for presents for Braunwyn, who has asked for “inappropriate gifts.”
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Gina is dating Dr. Hottie and apparently that made Matt cry for the first time in their twelve year relationship. Typical sociopath manipulation. But Gina sadly buys into it. Ah yes, they are off to by sex toys for Braunwyn.
Archie is the real star of this show… Shannon went to court with David and she made the most money she ever made last year. So she is crying that she might not get alimony or child support. Well, that is the way it works sweetie. Fortunately for her she got a shit ton in the settlement.
Tamra and Braunwyn Have A Tête-à-tête
This entire show is about conflict and resolution. Can’t we just have champagne and caviar on the deck of someone’s ocean side home and be rich people once in awhile? They argue like crabs in a sack the entire time and it is exhausting. Are rich people never really having fun?
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Braunwyn is trying to figure out who the lying cuntsatchel is. Is it Kelly? Is it Tamra? Yes, Braunwyn. Yes to both. I am typing way too much for this recap. How am I halfway through and so far behind?
The Love Shack Is A Little Ole Place Where We Can Get Together
Everyone except Kelly heads to Braunwyn’s Love Shack for the weaning party. Kelly films a counter scene to trash Tamra instead. At the weaning party, the bartenders are hot shirtless guys. Braunwyn acts like she is inviting the ladies to stay at one of “her homes in Miami” but I’m pretty sure they actually stayed in hotels. The main part of the trip was in Key West. Miami was basically a layover for one night. Shannon is out because Key West is where David started his affair. But she is down with Miami.
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Braunwyn hired a male stripper and a female stripper. She literally tells the male stripper to get off her so the female one can hop on. Emily is ALL OVER the male stripper. Vicki is just not down with this nonsense so she leaves.
Shannon goes to meet with her lawyer. David was an asshole in divorce court. But Shannon wins in the end.
Next week, Shannon finishes up court. Vicki gets engaged (off camera),the girls all arrive in Miami. Kelly threatens to sue Tamra.
I think a random person secretly filmed Shannon and Tamra when they met and then that person posted it on Instagram or Twitter. At least, that is what I thought I heard.
I thought all the shirtless guys were gross. And i was very surprised by Emily just holding on and enjoying the ride! I love her, but i still don’t know if I am impressed or turned off.
Off-white trash. Except Emily.
Awww, damn….I am stealing that from you!!!!
Love that you changed your nic to just Shay! You aren’t the other one anymore 🙂
Although, I do sometimes wonder how she’s doing and if she still reads here…I seem to remember that she had an aneurysm or something awful like that with her brain.
It was a typo….LOL…..and I am really sorry to heat that about the original Shay =(
The scene discussing Jolie’s first time inserting a tampon should NOT have been included. Beyond inappropriate.
I was completely shocked and mortified for the girl.
As the daughter of an oversharing mother, I was mortified and it was just telephone calls not national TV. Poor girl, I hope she finds privacy and boundary setting skills as she grown women. She is going to need them.
Totally relate to this and you are so correct!
Totally inappropriate! That just shows what kind of mother Kelly is. She knew full well the cameras were rolling and chose to share that with the world. Last week I thought her “V” gesture to her daughter was awful but this was 10 times worse. She should be ashamed of herself.
Isn’t Jolie only 13? I may be old fashioned but I’m surprised that she is using tampons already. I won’t even go into the fact that this should NEVER have been discussed on TV. Kelly is gross and a shit mom. Who tells people on camera that their little girl is her sounding board and the one that keeps her on track? You’re a mom you stupid whore! You’re supposed to be the one that keeps Jolie feeling safe and secure, not the other way around. Nothing worse than a mom who leans on their kid. It puts too much pressure on the kid to be the adult.
I used tampons from the age of 11, and you Americans use those applicators anyway, which make it literally child’s play. This is a weird take. And not for nothing, but we should applaud efforts to de-stigmatise discussion of periods in pop culture. I am NO Kelly fan, but I actually found this incredibly refreshing.
Well whoopee for you. If Jolie brought it up it would be an entirely different situation. Her mother put it on blast and that’s not cool.
@ReninOz, I don’t know where you’re from, but guessing that “you Americans” means a different country. I don’t think there’s a stigma about periods or the discussion of them here in America or pop culture at all. There’s literally a tampon commercial every 10 minutes on every channel. (Granted, they’re usually some girl running happily through a flower field lol) but I stand by the opinion that no stigma exists.
The bigger picture here is the public embarrassment/humiliation of a mother discussing her adolescent daughters personal business in a mortifying platform of national (international?) TV.
Girls that age are self conscious about EVERYTHING. Their peers are BRUTAL. Jolie has evidently already been bullied. Gonna have to agree with @Ktina on this one. So NOT cool!
Kelly has zero clue how much damage she’s already caused and seems to continue to cause her daughter. Jolie is a child who needs a PARENT, not a selfish friend. God, I hope Jolie decides to stay with Michael if Kelly moves to NYC to marry her dude. At least he’ll keep her off the TV. SMH
I agree 100%!
Jolie is of a a much higher caliber of maturity than Kellly.
Let her decide what she wants and does NOT want to share, especially at a time like that.
I completely agree. It’s messed up Kelly was talking about it, but it’s also deeply disturbing that the producers didn’t leave that on the cutting room floor.
I am watching last week’s Nancy Drew. I will decide whether to watch this shitshow after more comments come in.
Nancy Drew? I think I read them all…is the series based on her original mysteries or completely different? I’m gonna have to check this out regardless!
Sorry TT, I digress again…Nanette, I got kinda far into changing my avatar which I can now see, surprisingly. I didn’t expect it to see a change here and I have NO clue how to email you or upload your braNo avatar! I am completely winging it in the tech savvy life! If I never figure it out I just want to thank you now for ar least giving me the ability to have my butterfly avatar! I may even change it because it looks blurrier then the original…xxoo
I put it up for a while. I will change back to the email address avatar. I just HAD to make the Liar, liar pants on fire Tamra Judge designer jeans version (my Illustratir skills have slipped since I knit instead of doing computer graphics, but it’s still fun!) . I will leave it up all day. If you see my name in comments, it will be there.
Here is the email logo. I hope.
Nancy Drew is quite different than the book. Trying to stay relevant adding paranormal haunting stuff. The already aired episodes go from free to “buy” just keep checking.
I’m watching Nancy and wonder if they would have been better off with a “mystery of the week” format instead of its continuing story-line.
How do these morons not know that Tamra is a horrible human? How can they believe her about anything? Shit. Kelly can be pretty nasty also but I truly don’t think she has a mean heart, I think she lashes out out of fear and hurt. Anyways Tamra is just a conniving manipulating cunt. Braunwyn is something else, she kind of freaks me out. Not sure how I feel about her. I loved seeing Emily be a little wild, it was great.
I think, I hope Shannon knows Tamara is manipulative but I hope she’s just siding with her to #1- stay on the OC & #2- Tamara is the least nuts out of her & Kelly? I don’t think Kelly is the winning side of this fight with bravo .
“The brood cow is throwing herself a party”, complete with sex toys and strippers of both sexes. I’m sure the said brood will love to watch this. And a scene about Jolie’s first tampon? Yeeaaah, that’s gonna go over like a fart in church. I’m still not watching and I have read enough to be able to step away from this shitshow for good. So, thanks for that. Not even a twinge of FOMO. I’m officially down to BH and NY, and outlook is not good for NY either. I’m inching away from the teat and it’s getting increasingly easier! Thanks for the recap! I’ll always read what you post, TT!
i am with you on this one. they OC is just vicious. i have zero want or need to see it but totally appreciate reading tamara’s recap. hearing about this tampon comment – kelly is going to be ripped to shreds by michael. again thank you tamara for doing the lords work.
Same here. BH and NY but will check out OC on DVR when nothing else is on. I always come here to read the recap though.
Just when you think these women couldn’t get more vile, I see the screenshots and read TT’s recap. That is more than enough for me. This show has jumped the shark all season. Get it off.
I was so mortified for Jolie. Kelly is an idiot! For God’s sake Jolie is in Middle school and is already having trouble with being bullied according to Kelly and so she decides to describe the tampon thing in great detail on TV?!?! I feel so badly for Jolie.
Tamra is the most two faced person on the show. Wow. All new lows for her.
Tamra is the most despicable human on television, PERIOD. I watch variety of TV shows and I am yet to come across a human being more gross and revolting than Tamra Judge (with the exception of serial killers). Shannon is just plain stupid to believe anything Tamra is telling her. Brownwynn is also a moron to believe Tamra. Kelly can be annoying, she does and says the most inappropriate things on TV, but I would believe her to speak the truth much sooner than that vile bitch Tamra. Emily is the best. Kelly had made insulting statements about Shane (which by the way are true just not polite) and Emily is willing to still give her a benefit of the doubt. Emily is a nurturing person and she has a big heart, It’s too bad her husband is not aware of her true value as a human being and puts her down all the time. She is the one who passed the bar and not him, so go figure. Brakunwynn is throwing a party to celebrate the end of two decades of breast
feeding. Strange reason to throw such an elaborate party ripe with sexual elements. What is with these women and their sexual behaviors and preoccupations with all things sexual. They all act as sex hungry teenagers and strangely enough their teenage daughters act in a much more mature ways. Just imagine that the entire country sees you acting like a complete asshole. If that is not a reason to act more age appropriate I don’t know what is., Tamra is upset that her daughter doesn’t want anything to do with her, If I were Tamra’s daughter I would change my name and move to Bolivia. Poor girl, I feel bad for her and the rest of the kids who are forced to live and associate with this awful bunch of women. Majority of them are divorced – Gee I wonder why?
I fell asleep during the Queen Victoria tea party. That’s it for me. I’m reading recaps from now on.
I’m behind on this series again, so I appreciate the recaps so I know what to fast forward through. Even drunk, I can’t stomach these trollops. Maybe this weekend. I will get drunk and smoke Newport’s in my Dollar Tree pj’s and drunk post here.
TT, I respectfully request an open post on Friday for my drunken shenanigans.
I will see what I can do. 🙂
I’m so embarrassed for Braunwynn, the attention seeking is crazy, and causing Tamra to get her title back. She has some competition!!!
They are not cute. Braunwynnn came in as the star along with her family. Kim Biermann may need to worry. (Or the reason for a seventh baby???)
I agree that Tamra is really despicable these days (and probably always has been, but I am really seeing it now). I actually feel like she is “acting up” to try to get attention and build stories because she may be worried about losing her job. If it can happen to Vickie, she sees that it can happen to her. So, it really seems like she is doing her best to try to create drama. Its so obvious! And, when she was talking about how she felt like she failed her oldest son…I was like, um, girl, what about all the rest of them? She seems to tie good parenting to social status and material things. She actually seems to have the best relationship of all with her oldest son, who she had young, out of wedlock (? I think, at least), and who struggled with her some…At least they talk to each other. I don’t think any of the other kids want anything to do with her, do they? Re Kelly and the tampon, I can’t even….poor, poor Jolie!