Sorry for going mostly dark today. I am currently listnening to the a varitey of The Sounds Of Silence on Youtube. I’ve told you before I don’t listen to music. I hate hearing music in stores. I don’t get to control it. But tonight I need to listen to some music.
I am fine. There is a lot of news I didn’t tell you about today. I know you are all fine with that but if I don’t get it up fast, I lose money I need to live. But tonight, I am just going to live a bit. I am very angry about Dan on Surivor being so harshly punished for fucking nothing compared to the shit I went through. If you don’t watch Survivor you need to watch it from the beginning. This man is that one guy who is creepty and stands too close. He doesn’t know better. Now they are ruinging his life.
I’ m as free as a bird now…
It felt like game play with Dan but I felt like there was a lot we didn’t see. I am a survivor of abuse and the whole thing bothered me. I am drinking wine and sitting in the dark….trying to process it.
Yep, this has been a rough week. I’m just glad it’s almost over, and that I have just over a week left until I get my Thanksgiving break.
As per usual, I’m binging murder podcasts and looking up random shit online. It’s just that kind of night. I think I have more whiskey in the fridge, so here we go…
please call me
One of the best songs ever. I feel u on a lot of levels. I actually met paul simon in a cafe in the city when I was 10 ny. City it was the day of the thanksgiving parade. I was with my godmother and mother and sister. He had his child on his shoulders inside the cafe. And the kid was wearing just long John’s. I remember thinking he must be cold. Lol. My mom was freaking out and so was my aunt. I didn’t know why at the time. He is tiny.and nice. We said happy thanks giving and he said it back. He was the only other person there besides us. Cool memory
It was either 1993 or 1994. Joey lawrence was on a float. Lol
I thought of you today when the Jeopardy question was asking which California serial killer Michelle McNamara’s book was about. I thought everyone knew about the Golden State Killer by now. (I had a perfect Jeopardy score until the Bodies of Water on Round 2. TANKED.)
The whole story about Michelle is interesting but so sad. I love Patton, I can’t imagine how horrible it was for him. . Didn’t they have daughter? Just tragic. I think the overdose was accidental.
Yes, their daughter is Alice. I follow him on Twitter… he was so honest about his grief. Happily though, he met another love of his life and remarried. I say another, as he still talks and tweets about Michelle – as does his 2nd wife. Remember the movie The Journey of Natty Gann? HE MARRIED NATTY! They are genuinely just an adorable couple, and she CLEARLY adores Alice.
It wasn’t an overdose. Exhaustion played a huge part — she neglected herself by not eating, drinking water and not sleeping. I think of her as another victim of the GSK. Her book is written like beautiful prose; it’s as much about her obsssion as it is a true crime book. The GSK was arrested near Michelle’s hometown in the wee hours after Billy Jensen, Patton and Michelle’s family had been together at an event for her book. No coincidence.
Funny enough, I was thinking of you earlier this week, when the LA Times gave subscribers a sneak preview of “Detective Trapp”. It’s narrated by the same reporter who did “Dirty John”, and it’s about another cluster of murders in Orange County.
IMHO, what makes this really interesting is that this podcast investigates murders of working-poor women in Santa Ana and Anaheim, far from the RHOC glitz and glamour. Hopefully, more folks can learn about what happens in OC beyond Vicki’s rumor-mongering and Kelly’s meltdowns.
Atdleft… Is there a link to that podcast? I would really like to here this. Also, I wanted to suggest to you that you come down to Dana Point since you will be close by in Laguna.. I think you and your Dad would really like to see the harbor display of the light shows that will be on while you are here. Also, the whale watching trips with the blue whales are out as are some Orca pods. You should see what they are doing to Dana Point. This quaint seaside town is being turned into a concrete jungle by power investors. 4 more big hotels have been approved here. Not even nice design like the Montage. I hope you can come down before this town is ruined.
* Hear…sorry was distracted..Atdleft.
He did an exceptional job investigating Dirty John. I keep obnoxiously bugging Talking Dead to put Terra Newhall (Deborah Newhall’s daughter who killed Dirty John) on the couch. Can you get ANY MORE LITERALLY TWD biggest fan than using skills you gleaned from the show to fight off (and kill) a much bigger ARMED man? NOTHING tops that. Her miniature Aussie, Cash, helped too!
It’s been strange over here but for more than a week. Someone told me it’s cause Mercury is retrograde. Who knows? All I know is I’m at a real crossroad in my life and I’m not sure which way to go. I’m looking for the answer and I can’t seem to find it, but something has got to change.
Don’t miss Disturbed’s version of the song. It’s my favorite.
Yes!! Disturbeds version of the sound of silence gives me goosebumps
Wow
Yes, and I’m old, original version is amazing, I love that our kiddos get to be turned on by an updated version that they love and I LOVE TOO!
Disturb’s version is amazing. I could watch it a million times and still get chills.
For sure. Awesome version that I listened to yesterday.
November has sucked for me too. I’ve had zac malloy’s early morning phone call & offsprings gone away on repeat all month. Retrograde or not this month has sucked. I hope you feel better.
I’m in bed, been here all day watching my DVR. I needed this day, tomorrow is another busy one and Saturday am back to work…
I watched Oval, Wendy now just starting RHOD, 3 episodes behind, cocktail on nightstand, husband will not be happy when he gets home but I do not care! I needed a day, glad you guys are here.
This week has been odd… I blame mercury retrograde too.
I don’t watch survivor. Maybe I’ll tune in.
It’s a full moon. It can change the tides, and our bodies too. I’m Bipolar, and this has been rough for me.
In the summer of 1968, between 8th and 9th grade, my family vacationed in Virginia.I have two scary memories from that trip for this then 13-year-old from Connecticut. We stopped at a diner on the Delmarva Pennisula on the way down to eat a late dinner and when I went to open the door, there was a George Wallace for President bumper sticker on the door. I was afraid to go inside. Later on the trip, I spoke to a guy in a pool at the motel we were staying in in Virginia Beach, he wanted me to sneak out and meet him after dark.
My great memory from that trip was listening to the eight-track tape of The Sounds of Silence over and over again, after we discovered that Virginia seemed to have nothing but country stations. Whenever I hear something from that album, I’m transported back to 1968. Several years ago, when Simon and Garfunkel went on their reunion tour, I saw them perform those songs at Mohegan Sun.
You had me at “the summer of 68”. Amazing story!
I lost all my albums in my divorce, not on purpose, because I foolishly believed my ex, father to my oldest daughter, wouldn’t take me or the things I treasured out of that storage unit. Hah! He did. Only fool in that situation? Me.
That’s even worse than maggots eating my A-B album covers and rats chewing the vinyl. Good thing I didn’t put The Beatles in storage.
My October and especially November have sucked. Idk if it’s mercury in retrograde or not. I’m choosing to blame it on the assholes in my life. And even though I love my mother, she has been the biggest asshole of them all! She’s literally driving me crazy. I’m also blaming seasonal effective disorder bc I HATE this cold weather, it makes my bones & joints hurt and it’s cold AF all of a sudden. I’m sorry but I’m in the worst mood and can’t wait for the sun to come back out and warm up outside. It really does a number on me. I’m in a funk and if my plants die I’m gonna be super pissed as I spent a fortune overnighting the really good kind of covers for them to get in time for the cold front. I am not a good sick person and have a bad cold on top of already feeling like shit. I guess I should embrace the darkness and stay in bed until it passes. I’m being such a bitter bitch at the moment. Grrrr I’m even dreading putting up the tree and decorations (which definitely doesn’t happen until after Thanksgiving!) Bah Humbug!
“My” horticulture guy at the hydroponic store wraps small Christmas lights around the covers of the tropical plants. Sometimes he turns them on in the day, sometimes only at night. Just for a BIT more warmth. I am going to try that this year.
Omg thanks for the tip! Might be too late to try this time but definitely worth trying next year! And it kind of doubles as a decoration in my lazy book lol! This climate change is crazy! We’re used to 85 degrees on Xmas day and don’t usually have to worry about plants at all until maybe a small cold snap in January or February. This just dropped temps 40 degrees in as many hours and stuck with not enough time to prepare. And the first year my trees were bearing actual edible fruits that only needed another week or two to ripen perfectly. Wacky weather for sure!
Meant it dropped that much in like four hours. It’s crazy weather for us and we are ill prepared. Kept dropping and ended up with one of the earliest freezes on record!
In other wacky news, Kanye & fam are coming to the Osteen services this weekend for a crash course on how to become a televangelist! Gotta say, who better to learn from how to bilk money out of people? He’s definitely going to learn from the best! Lol!
Oh good Lord … Kanye & Kim & Joel…. there’s a threesome … if Kim starts quoting the Bible you know the aplocalypse has arrived
Lol, how true
How to become a god in Calabasas.
@Nanette, my plants survived! I’m going to try your trick the next time we get a cold snap. Thanks again for this tip. I think it will be helpful come January/February. Xo
I’ll tell Russ he saved another one! I grow EVERYTHING EXCEPT pot. Pot stores have the best resources, they get the science. And he has a full horticultural degree.
I am very worried about you. Seems like you are in a funk. Maybe a trip out of the ghetto is exactly what the Dr. ordered. Sending you hugs.
You’re pretty much my only source for entertainment/reality TV news, so even if you put it up later than others, I’ll click on yours, and you’ll still get credit for clicks.
BTW, I’ve wondered if it helps you if we comment, or if just clicking on your stories is enough?
Agreed! I don’t post much, usually after a glass of wine or two. But I love this site and your perspective on reality TV. I also do not like LVP and see her machinations. 🙂
You are so sweet to ask. Commenting technically makes no difference in and of it self for ad rev, BUT comments do make some of us open up the page to read the comments, so that is good for ad rev.
Sharing links helps in the same way. xo ~tt
I have not wanted to get out of bed this week. I’ve done it because I have a lot happening at work but it SUCKS. Going to bed at ten tonight to get up at seven and do the last day of the week. Italian for dinner tomorrow night and sleep until I am ready to rise Saturday morning….
I highly recommend everyone look for the CMA performance last night of Willie Nelson and Kasey Musgraves duet of Rainbow Connection. I watched it this morning and I got a little misty eyed. If anyone needs a pick me up, watch it.
It is a beautiful performance. I really hope you all view it. I would just like to say that I really appreciate the community that has evolved here. I love reading the comments here on any topic. I love reading full paragraphs.
Awww I will go watch it. I love Willie Nelson and I love the song Rainbow Connection. Thanks for the suggestion and I hope you feel better soon tt!
Everyone, be kind to yourself.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” ~Julian of Norwich (1342-1416)
Tamara I was the one who gave you the purse a long time ago. I still read you every day. Sending lots of love and good wishes your way!
OMG! I have missed your comments. And that purse is my go to for Whole Foods. I tend to look like a homeless person sometimes and I feel like it helps me fit in, LOL. I also take to to Thanksgiving where I also at times need to feel like somebody. It is a treasured thing in my house.
I once mistakenly took it to the ghetto conveniece story that sells beer and cigarettes. A little kid exclaimed to his mother “SHE HAS A GUCCI PURSE!” and I realized I had to be careful about where I carried it. Fun fact. It’s not a Gucci purse. But the kid was like six and knew it was a very fancy one. lol. It’s so good to see you here, my friend.
I’m very behind on my HW watching too…. so we’re even. I watch and then read a little, watch then read a little.
FYI – I know you like Young Sheldon (or did last year). Tonight’s episode was one of the BEST.
I haven’t been watching this season. I should binge it. Are you watching The Voice or Masked Singer? Thoughts?
I watched the auditions of the Voice, but am so far behind this season I am not sure that it is worth trying to catch up!!! My concentration has been shit when it comes to competition shows and some reality shows. I’ve even failed in keeping up with the OC. I’m also way behind on Survivor. At this point, I will just read the blog entries (I used to wait until I saw them, then read them so I could comment)
I’ve been binging on trash novels in my Kindle a lot… ones I’ve read before, etc. I get home, maybe eat something light for dinner (as zero points as I can get… still doing weight watchers!) then just curl up in bed. I’m ok when out and about… but spent last weekend in bed. I’m going to make myself finally put Simon’s stuff away this weekend, I think. Maybe. We’ll see.
Oh, YS season is definitely worth binging. The writing and acting is just as good as the first season!
I love Young Sheldon. So light & heartwarming !
I am surprised how much I love The Masked Singer! The only negative thing is That’s I cannot STAND Nicole S. (too lazy to spell her name). She is SO DUMB she makes Jenny McCarthy look like a genius. “Jamie Fox!, Megan Markle!, Madonna!, Oprah!” are among her guesses. I especially like when Joel McHale is on as a guest judge.
I’ve had the worst week ever & it’s only Friday morning. If it weren’t for bad luck I would have no luck. Everything, I mean everything , went the wrong way. I stopped reading horoscopes a long time ago but I read mercury is in retrograde which is supposedly bad. I thought it was only me
It’s not just you. We are all in this together. We’re going to be okay. Eventually. Until then we just need to practice a lot of self care. And share the shit show here if you need to.
It was also a full moon this week. I don’t know about astrology stuff… but I believe the full moon affects us. Every teacher and every emergency room employee past and present that I know believes in that too.
It seems messed up shit is going on everywhere. (Not even including Trump.) If anyone reading this has longtime depression and hypothyroidism, I highly recommend asking your doc to look at treating it with a mega dose of thyroid meds.* MOST EVERYTHING around here is going to shit and I am not wallowing in the depths of depression. For the first time in 55 years. No other meds have ever worked on me. To think … maybe I was never crazy and it was all about the thyroid.
*This treatment was being used successfully about the time SSRIs came out and pushed that treatment (and samples) on doctors.
Oh Lord. It is parathyroid 2.0.
I saw thyroid and had flashbacks.
If it works, I’ll take it! No weight gain, no suicidal thoughts, no big pharma making money off me. It’s a hat trick win.
I hear you Tam. Going through it myself. My ex husband rolled back into town like a dusty ass rat that decided to take a detour from his normal hiding spot. Great for the kids not so much for me. He works out of town a lot. When he is here, he enjoys making my life a living hell. Mind you 10 yrs after the divorce. Just seeing the alert he is back in town through me into depression. Crazy this is, one of the kids has a concert tonight. Kid you not, I have attended all the performances, sat on the 2nd row twice, even made hot cocoa for his last one..but this one will matter to my boy the most. Because his dad is there. Even though my ex has had the ability to be at his performances before and chose not to. Really it’s just heart breaking. None the less the rat is back in town. He didnt let me know he was back until 1a this morning. Greeaaaatttt. Hey Tam thanks for your board. It’s nice to visit a page where you can talk about your bad day, and just not feel so alone. I hope you start feeling better. It’s weird how a incident can stir back up your depression. Well my incident just rolled back in to town.
You are not alone. I, too, have a “dusty ass rat” ex husband of almost twenty years. I know that feeling when they show up unannounced and get all the glory of the fruits of your labor. The good news is, one day the kids get old enough to appreciate your sacrifices and realize their dad for who he is. The bad news is, it’s not very rewarding at that time because you end up having to watch your kids hearts break when they realize who the guy is that is their father. The better news later, is that they really really really realize how much they appreciate you and your kids will love you and have an unbreakable lifelong bond with you and you alone and the dad fades out of the picture for the most part. Idk if I worded that to sound like a positive, but in the long run it is. You will be their rock, touchstone and number one and reap the rewards when they are older. It’s a tough road but a very rewarding one in the very long run. You did good so don’t let it take you down for too long. Karma and time heals many wounds. Hang in there! It really does get better!
I commend both of you for taking the high road. Talking shit about their dad to the kids only hurts them. And makes them appreciate your modeling even more when the realize the sad truth.
If you are a constant steady presence in your kids’ lives, their love is going to be a constant steady thing. I get the sense that you aren’t one to bitch about him to them (you are appropriately bitching here). The excitement over the dad is because his expression and actions showing love are NOT constant. Its a “high” right now. I’m sorry – because I know that has to be painful.
Happy Light, energy lamp, a natural spectrum light is what we all have on our desk at work. Our boss bought them for us so we don’t get depression during the fall and winter months. I love my light.
Omg I need one of these for real! Where does one get one? What is the actual name for purposes of google or amazon??!!
I am in a hi rise. I have floor to ceiling windows which I had all tinted this summer because my a/c went out due to the overwork from the extreme heat. Now that it’s cooled off and dark, I literally feel like I’m living in the bat cave! I need these lights!
I have blackout curtains on every window and tend to just keep them closed. This probably doesn’t help. I know need light, but sitting in the dark all day sometimes seems ….safe.
That is the name on the box. He buys everything through Amazon. I am sure you can find them other places too. I wish I could upload a photo of the box.
My daughter has one at work and it really helps her so she bought me one. I have to get it out. My dogs knocked it over and the stand broke, but I will figure something out. I have been trying to figure out a reason for my recent ennui — change of seasons (and sudden bitter cold), early darkness, IDK — but it helps to hear others are going through it too, so maybe it will end soon.
Y’all make me feel a bit less insane when it is happening to alot of us. I wish it wasn’t happening to any of us though.
TT, I’m ordering one off Amazon for every room! Now you don’t even have to get off your ass or fucked up ankle to order shit from amazon. So, get to it , woman! Get one for the soon not to be ghetto anymore! We’re all gonna get through this shit together! If a fucking lamp can help, it’s worth trying. It’s not like Santa is gonna come down the chimney and bring you a magical happy pill wrapped in glitter, so we have to help ourselves. So get this gift for yourself and you can still keep the shades pulled. It’s obviously going to be a long cold, dark winter and we can’t afford to be this fucked up this early. Plus maybe it’ll even help Banjo if that helps you rationalize buying one. Get the fukin lamp! Lol!
I do hope your ankle is feeling better though.
xo
PS- THANKS FOR THE LAMP INFO, PEEPS! 🙂
And a lamp is easy to turn off when you want to feel safe. Just saying! Not trying to annoy you, I promise. But the sun showed up today and it honestly made me feel a bit better even though I’m still sick. I think it’s a real thing. But I’m also sometimes a tard, so there’s that…
Okay so I just ordered the lightbulbs. Cheaper way to go to see if they help. Reviews say that they actually do help. I figured start with a few bulbs and if it helps then make a bigger investment. FYI
Hugs and prayers to all of you.
How very nice and to you too!
I’ve had a brutal three years, divorcing a narcissist HOWEVER, I get to come here every day for a break in my day, a respite from the stress for 10-15 minutes. It has become something that I look forward to and enjoy. I feel frightened and anxious most of the time but I come here and I forget about my problems and all the stress for a while. Sometimes I get pissed at the women on these shows because their lives are so good and they don’t see it or appreciate it but I’ve probably been that way too. I like reading about the other commenters here, their lives-joys and sorrows. I like hearing about the different places readers live and their traditions. I don’t feel like this site has the regular group of asshats that frequent other, “reality” sites. LoL. I often wonder how hard that is to moderate.
Not hard at all, I just throw most of the assholes in the WLS. And keep OUR assholes (like me) here. We need a few assholes to keep us in check. BUT WE MUST OUT NUMBER THEM, LOL.
This asshole just checked you up thread a bit. All coming from a place of love, though, just in case you think I’m just being an ass. We’re all in this together and you are worth getting all the love my friend! 😘
Slice, I feel the same way about this place and feel at home here like a group of friends we can be real with in the good and bad. As much as we curse bravo, it was the catalyst that somehow brought us all to Tamara and each other. ❤️
Bravo has brought us all together here so for that I am very grateful too !!!
Such beautiful songs, both S&G and Disturbed. Fits my mood as well.
As I’ve posted before, I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. I had my 4th baby in June and was diagnosed with PPD. There was a suicide attempt, please don’t judge. Yet somehow, thankfully, I never once had the urge or thought of harming any of my kids. It was actually the opposite for me. I feel I am slowly coming out of it. There were days turning the TV on was too much for me. No matter what my days have been like, the one constant source of a smile is your site and the comments from the awesome community. Tamara, please know we all send you love and healing vibes. You mean a lot to us! For the record, I also hate music. I’m ok in the car, but my husband sits around and just listens to it in the house and it drives me nuts.
He is hoping you get out of your PPD soon. No judgement ever. I would not do well with a husband who plays music. First, I am addicted to the TV, and more importanly, I am hypersensitive to music. I need to be in control of the music and I hate it piped in while shopping.
Often I’ve Thought I was the only one who was sensitive to music? Thanks for saying it, I just felt so much better! I don’t hate it but there’s just a lot of music I don’t like and it overwhelms me. I’ve often wondered what it said about me? If I had to loose one of my senses, I wouldn’t mind at all going deaf..
The really WEIRD part is that I love singing competition shows on TV. Usually sign right along with them. Occaisionally, I fast forward a song or two. But I have this thing about watching people win at something.
I am all kinds of batshit.
jjam, I am very noise sensitive, so that would be my choice if I had to lose a sense. Loud music, barking dogs, people talking loud, it just can be too much. I have some hearing loss, so that may be the problem, because so much is just noise.
I know it sounds trite, especially with the seriousness of depression and PPD, but, I’ll say it again. One day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. Thinking this has saved my life over and over because sometimes things feel so helpless, hopeless, and not worth saving. But that’s not true. One minute at a time.
Beerandy: I, for one, am glad you still are here. Depression makes NO SENSE but it is REAL. I found this site when I was really low. I remember being in bed in pain for days at a time thinking “I wonder if I will still be here long enough to see the finale of ‘Sons of Anarchy’?” I was serious. It helps to laugh at some of the crazy shit here and to know you aren’t alone.
Thanks to everyone. I thoroughly expected to come back here to find things like ,”This bitch needs to get it together and do her damn job” Or, “Maybe you wouldn’t be such of a fuckup if you would stop drinking an entire vineyard and eat right and exercise,”
Both true things but not what I needed to here. Thanks to all who commented and emailed for being great.
I love you!
That is all.
I love you all …I hate everyone else. So nice to hear I’m not alone!! Mercury is kicking my full moon, bat shit, crazy ass, lupus is seriously making me feel like the walking dead and the change in time, weather and sun makes me want to hide. Been going to bed as soon as I get home from work and not waking up until I have to go back …although I do manage to fit mommy duty in there .. all while dealing with a narcissistic douche bag who thinks he still controls me 8 years after the divorce. Oh .. plus … there’s that annoying Office Manager who is also a control freak and doesn’t seem to like being called out on her lies. I honestly want Porshe’s problems. Give me a bravo paycheck and a cheating fiancé to deal with … PLEASE!!!!!!!!! And I LIVE for this version of The Sounds of Silence. Best remake ever but yet stands on its own. I love this place .. I get to isolate yet not be alone.
Hugs Pauline, it does sound like you are getting the shit end of the stick.Lupus is nothing to laugh about. Take care of yourself. I know that is difficult while being a mom.
Vicki’s daughter, Brianna, hasn’t had a lupus “outbreak” since she started keto. You can check out Ryan Culbertson’s IG account. He is very good at answering questions about their keto “journey.”