Can you believe it girls? It time for the first RHONJ recap of the season! I’m not sure why we are getting a preview of the season at the very beginning, but we are.
Lexi is apparently Margaret’s “creative director.” What exactly does that entail? Anyway, Lexi brings her baby to work, which is apparently Margaret’s house. Joe has become the baby sitter for the creative director. Lexi and Margaret talk about Teresa and her boy toy. We get tons of photographic evidence of all the hand holding. Margaret doesn’t seem to care who Teresa is sleeping with. Neither do I.
Dolores is still living with Frank. And she is also living with David the surgeon boyfriend. You go Delores. It seems to be going well. David is building a house and staying with Delores until it is built. Well technically it is Frank that is building the house. This seems like a great throuple. It seems that on this episode, David has not moved in yet. But he will soon.
Teresa and her dad and Gia are all in the kitchen making dinner while the other girls watch. Teresa somehow seems likable in this scene. Must squash that feeling immediately. Gia is getting ready to go off to college. I guess that leaves Gabriella to raise her sisters. Gia apparently would not allow her father to go straight to Italy from jail. She told him if he didn’t fight for citizenship and the right to stay in the country she would not have a relationship with him. She also says things like “we’re appealing.” Apparently she is not just the mother but also the wife. That’s kind of sad.
Gia is very upset that her father is missing her senior prom, her graduation and her going off to college. This upsets Melania who spits out “no one cares!” before storming out of the room. Of all the girls Melania was the closest to Joe and this has been very rough on her. I wish they would have gotten her into some counseling. Gia tells Gabriella that she is lucky dad will be around for her milestones. Teresa points out that might not be the case. Teresa’s dad tells Gia he will be there for her as her father and her grandfather and she cries. Teresa’s dad says he cries on the inside and Gabriella gets up to hug him.
Jackie And Jennifer Aren’t Getting Along
Jennifer is planning a big patient appreciation party for her husbands patients. She let’s Bill know that Jackie might not be coming. Jennifer and Jackie’s daughters are the same age and very close. Jackie recently cancelled a play date.
Melissa, Jackie and Margaret all go out to dinner and it is there that we find out why Jackie is pissed at Jennifer. Jennifer is still sucking up to Teresa like crazy. So those two were out to dinner with some of Teresa’s other sycophants and Teresa encouraged Jennifer to make fun of Jackie. So Jennifer mocks Jackie for the things she said to Teresa on the reunion. And of course it was posted on Teresa’s Instagram.
Oh look, Teresa is putting in a pool. Isn’t that where the memorial for one Joe’s parents was? It seems she really isn’t planning for him to come home. Dolores comes over and she also wonders where Teresa is getting this money from. I’m sure the FEDS do too. Will these people ever learn? Plus she’s a single mom with four kids to feed and put through college. Is this really in her budget? Also who is paying for Rutgers? Teresa has often proudly proclaimed she has not money set aside to pay for college tuition.
Gia says that she chose Rutgers because it was close to home and she can come home and make up for lost time with her dad if he comes home. Ironically, Gia flew out to Italy today to see her dad for the first time in four years. Teresa says the appeal is costing her so much money. Delores says she doesn’t think Teresa loves Joe anymore. Dolores tells Teresa that Jackie is talking about her and her boytoy. Teresa is pissed. Margaret is the one stirring the pot and tattling on Jackie. Wow if only we had an all cast party!
Jennifer’s Plastic Surgery Party
Oh I neglected to mention that Jennifer had pretty much full body lipo two weeks before filming started. Apparently this means people can’t hug her. Is there a lot of pain after liposuction? Margaret rides to the party with Jackie. She pretends like she didn’t tell Delores that Jackie thinks Teresa is boinking the boytoy.
When Melissa tells Jennifer that Jackie’s feeling were hurt when she and Teresa mocked her and posted it on Instagram, Jennifer replies, “Jackie needs to stop taking things so seriously.” Jennifer is awful. No amount of liposuction can fix her. Is compassion and empathy stored in fat cells? Because clearly all of hers ha been sucked out.
Teresa is also mad at Melissa for not reporting to her that Jackie said she thinks she is getting boned by the boytoy.
Bout One: Jennifer vs Jackie. Jennifer does not apologize. She doesn’t accept any blame. She is the perfect friend for Teresa Giudice. Jennifer says it was just a joke. When Jackie tries to explain why it was so hurtful, Jennifer tells her to pull the stick out of her ass and lighten up. And after all, Teresa is the one who posted it! Loser: Jennifer Aydin
Bout Two: Teresa vs Melissa Really is Teresa really going to fight with her sister in law all season, AGAIN? She’s mad at Melissa for not controlling Jackie and keeping her from telling the truth about Teresa. Teresa says that a lot of people respect Melissa because she is her sister in law. Wow. Delusions of Grandeur, party of one! We have your table ready in then narcissist section. Loser: Teresa Giudice.
Bout Three: Teresa vs Jackie Teresa plans to tell Jackie to keep her name out of her fucking mouth. Really? It’s not like she posted a video about her and her boytoy on social media or anything. Teresa says she never throws the first punch. They agree not to trash talk anyone. Split Decision.
The episode ends with Joe being transferred to ICE detainment. Joe calls Teresa and tells her it is really bad. He just got there and he says he is already going nuts. It’s constant lockdown in a room with half a dozen or so other guys.