Well boys and girls, it;s finally time for the first RHOA recap of the season. It looks like we are going to start right away with Dennis and his cheating ways. Sincerely Ward shows up at OLG of all places to deny sleeping with Dennis. I hope they strip search her for a black widow tattoo. What? I’m just saying, Porsha would do it if she could.
Sidenote: While setting up for this RHOA recap I watched the movie Second Act on Showtime. It’s a comedy but I still cried at the end. It stars Jenifer Lopez, Leah Remini And Milo with the long last name (Jack from This is Us). Best movie I’ve seen in a long time.
Meet Brooklyn Daly, World’s Happiest Baby!
I kind of hate production in the first ten seconds of this episode. We start with adorable baby Brooklyn. This is what everyone is tuning in for. And yet they totally shafted Kenya on her paycheck. But, they paid the moose for not even showing up. And my sources say they did it on purpose to cause conflict. So I’m already angry. And Kenya is not lying about Brooklyn being the perfect baby. She is ALWAYS laughing. She’s the happiest baby in the world. Kenya right away admits that she and Marc have not been living together. So there’s that.
Porsha Has Left Dennis (For Now)
Across town we see Porsha with her beautiful new baby.She’s little Miss Cranky McCrankypants. In every picture she looks like she wants to cut a bitch. I’m just saying. Look at the Instagrams! Also Porsha tells us right away that her relationship is in trouble. HOLY HELL! Tasha K’s vlog is on RHOA. This is going to be good!
Porsha apparently found evidence of the cheatation on his phone. I love Porsha with the short bob! Her mom and sister still don’t know what is going on. Dennis is sending a ton of roses though. Porsha can barely get out of bed.
Kandi’s Surrogate Is Pregnant!
Kandi’s surrogate is named Shandina and we actually get to see her on the phone. Has she learned nothing from the Jeff Lewis situation? I mean… Kandi is having a girl. Ace is excited to meet his big sister. I had heard that Kandi was implanting her last two eggs. Sadly, only one of the embryos survived. As Kandi says, you just have to be thankful for the one that made it. When filming started she was at 14 weeks. Kandi is having a hard time with the whole surrogacy thing.
Eva Is Also Knocked Up Again
I mean is all of this really necessary? How many babies do you need? Do you now how global warming works? That said, if I had to pick one person to be the sole populater of the earth, it would be Eva Marcille. I know all babies are beautiful. But Eva Marcille’s kids are the most beautiful babies on the (dying) planet. And she is drop dead gorgeous as a mom, pregnant or otherwise.
Eva meets for lunch with her husband to talk about her subbing in for Porsha and how that time keeps getting extended over the cheating allegations. Eva also got a very lucrative gig doing Dallas radio. My sources say she will be leaving to live in Dallas. Eva has denied this repeatedly. She and Michael are looking to buy their “forever home” in Atlanta. We shall see. I know Michael wants to keep his practice in Atlanta. I also know that Eva’s five year radio contract is much more lucrative than her RHOA contract that is season to season. And production isn’t all that married to Eva. Eva’s talking head dress was a mistake.
Cynthia Is THIRSTY For That Ring
Cynthia and Mike Hill are doing well. But she hates that he doesn’t live in Atlanta. She is telling him about rings and dresses and how she wants the wedding to be. It’s coming. I promise. Now just calm down Cynthia!
Kenya brings Brooklyn to Cynthia’s new wine bar. Cynthia is letting her sister run it. They head off to do a commercial for a cookie bar. Kenya gets cookies for Brooklyn’s party. Kenya is having a party for Brooklyn where all the women have to come as life sized dolls. Because, Kenya. They talk about how neither of them are friends with Nene.
Cynthia brings up all the things that Tasha K said about Dennis… infidelity, drug use, animal porn… she just lays it out there. Cynthia! Who have you become? Then Cynthia goes back to talking about getting engaged and Kenya checks him
Sincerely Ward Magically Appears At the OLG
Cynthia, Eva and Kandi meet up at the OLG. Last I heard it was still a million mile long wait to get in that place. Now they have fried green tomatoes. I love them but it looks like they over did therm. Like when a yankee chef tries to over plate. It’s a simple dish when done right. In my family we use a corn meal batter. But I also like the deep fried flour batter. My mother would be rolling in her grave at that. She hated that I liked Morrison’s cornbread that had sugar and eggs. And that I sometimes eat canned biscuits even though I can easily make them from scratch.
Anyway, sorry. This fat chick always gets hungry watching these people get served food they are not eating. I’m hoping I can get up off my ass and drive to the rib shack near my house tomorrow. It’s been way too long. Eva ordered half the menu. I dunno why there is feta cheese on fried green tomatoes though. Neither does the waitress because she made sure to ask if it is okay. IT IS NOT OKAY.
Lemon Drops Aren’t Very Sincere
Right after the food comes, Sincerely Ward, aka Dennis Mckinley’s mistress sends Kandi a lemon drop. Because she is friends with Kandi. So close she doesn’t even know what the average viewer knows. Kandi doesn’t drink. She is also in Kandi’s restaurant where everyone knows Kandi does not drink.
Sigh. Anyway, Sincerely claims that she has never met Dennis. Oh at this point I need Tasha K come back on the air and SHOW HER RECEIPTS AGAIN. Because I not believe this girl. I saw the texts. Dennis must be paying her to do this. Kandi knows better.
Kenya’s Barbie Bash
I am so enjoying this Nene Leakes free episode. We don’t have to see her at all until episode three, thank the baby Jesus. I don’t even care that she got paid for not working. I am just glad she is gone.
Baby Brooklyn already has pierced ears with diamond earrings. Because of course she does. Cynthia arrives as Thisty Bride Barbie and I love her for it. Everyone and their babies are there. Brooklyn drives in in her own car. Kandi is rock star Barbie and brings rock star Ace. Eva didn’t want to bring her kids around Kenya. I wouldn’t take my kids to this event either if I had kids. Eva left a gift and spun out early.
Kenya And Porsha Have a Heart To Heart
Kenya cries telling Porsha how she has made mistakes in the past. Porsha says she is protective of their new budding friendship. These two are really bonding over their babies. Who would have ever seen that coming? Kenya is insulted that Eva would not bring her kids to her event. Again, I am totally on Eva’s side in this situation. I’d never have my kid on TV, social media or anything. But the last place I would put my kid is a reality show on the misogyny channel. Then again I would not put myself in that spot if I had kids.
Somehow, Kenya is the one who is telling Porsha about Sincerely showing up at OLG and denying she was the mistress. Porsha immediately thinks that Kandi put her up to this. I do too. But right now I have a question. Is the real reason why Porsha didn’t go straight back to Dish Nation because she bought new horse teeth? WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH HER TEETH? THEY ARE HUGE!
Kenya runs off to get Kandi and Cynthia. Kandi and Cynthia are both pissed that Kenya told Porsha. Allegedly. Clearly, production told them to tell Kenya so she would tell Porsha. Now they are going to try to make Kenya look messy. Kenya can look messy all on her own.
Kandi is pissed this happened at OLG because now it looks like it is on her. Sincerely said she had never even met Dennis. Oh, that is a dayum lie. Porsha tells production that it wasn’t Sincerely she caught Dennis texting it was someone else. Well then, that makes TWO that we know of sweetheart.
On the next RHOA recap: Cynthia and Kandi try to clean up the mess in the aftermath of the Barbie Bash; Kenya unleashes her unfiltered thoughts on Cynthia; while struggling to make sense of her relationship, Porsha drops a bomb that no one is expecting.