I’m scrambling to get prepared for this Below Deck recap because I am FINALLY all the way in on the final season of The Affair. The last episode was a fantastic 90 minutes but I had only allotted 60 minutes of my time. But I am good to go now and this week’s episode and it looks like a hot mess express. Let’s get to it.
And then it is time for Banjo’s favorite show, The Voice. He loves when I sing badly to him. Shortly after I got him three vets told me I should put him down when he randomly lost use of his back legs. I’d lay on there floor and sing to him (and cry) so apparently, he doesn’t care that I HAVE NO SINGING ABILITY AT ALL. lol. Though this one time while on a work trip…I scored a hot guy with my Karaoke. Um, on to the show! 🙂
I Love Penis Sauce
These people are boarding drunk a skunks. Why not hold off until the all you can drink booze you are paying a gazillion dollars for? The drunk woman, Brandy, has fallen into the couch and can’t get up. but she wants the whole crew to know she pays for everything. I doubt that.
Chef Kevin seems to hate all the stews. Abbi, the token female deckhand is already getting the bad edit. Chef is upping the spices because drunks can’t taste anything. Hmm… is that why nothing tastes good anymore? I’m asking for a friend.
Is That A Joystick?
The drunk blonde and the female primary (I think) wander up the the bridge to discuss Captain Lee’s joystick (part of the navigation system) while fondling his ass. This annoys me. I’m sure this is not Mary Anne’s favorite episode. The entire universe knows that Captain Lee is happily married. Who on earth would think of grabbing his ass? And why doesn’t he put a stop to it? If a man was doing this to Kate, Captain Lee would probably throw him overboard.
Then she kisses him on the cheek and tells him he must join them for dinner. Megan kisses him again after Kate tries to rescue him. Kate says she is worried the next time she goes to the bridge, Meagan the molester is going to be giving Captain Lee a blowjob. I get thinking Captain Lee is great. But, NO ONE NEEDS TO FONDLE CAPTAIN LEE. Is this a rich people thing? The guests all love the overly salty and spiced food.
Leave Abbi Alone!
Now that I have defended Captain Lee’s honor, I’m pissed with him in the very next scene. Why does the female deckhand always have to be the one fucking things up. Apparently, Abbi has done something to her microphone (production driven probably) that can cause the world to end. Almost every season the deck theme is “women can’t be deckhands.” Fuck that. Start hiring women with experience! At least Captain Lee is nice when he talks to Abbi. Much ado was made about Abbi tying her hair back for her own safety.
Is Chef Kevin The Sheree Whitfield Of Chefs?
Is not purchasing seafood for guests who want a seafood extravaganza like a fashion show with no fashions? Apparently, Simone is a mathematician with goals of learning how to iron. One of Chef Kevin’s great great great(?) grandfathers was a chef on the Titanic. It did not end well. Foreshadowing?
Shocker, the women were so busy trying to fuck the deckhands, they failed to catch any fish. Someone caught a gnarly ell that they released. Chef Kevin is fucked now. The female guests insisted Captain Lee join them for TWO dinners. This will not end well. What is the white stew with a full blown case of white privilege’s name? She needs to go overboard. Soon. Also Kate and Hannah have had a falling out over table decor. She has no room to talk on the subject. IJS.
Drunk Brandy has passed out. Mamas, don’t name your babies after alcohol beverages. Oddly, the guests and the crew loved dinner. Captain Lee on the other hand seems disgruntled.
What Is Up Courtney’s Ass?
I am going with corn cob. What say you. Ashton tries to bond (get into her pants) with her and she is just full of no. She hates the job, she’s not going to fuck anyone. She is just way to good for this boat. Meanwhile, Kate is DTF Tanner. Drunks and crew alike sack out for the night.
Thailand is GORGEOUS.
Simone is inept. Kevin is not amused. Meanwhile, Brandy is drinking everyone’s mimosa. I call party foul. Simone is pissed. I’m Team Kevin. I should be wearing my Team Kevin t-shirt, and yes I actually have one for another reason. Kevin apologizes to Simone privately. It’s Kate’s fuck up not Simone’s. That is true. The stews are bad this season and Kate is responsible. So of course Kate goes to whine and tattle to Captain Lee. Kevin does not seem to know that Kate and Captain Lee are BFFs. So basically, he’s fucked because Kate had to get up and do service.
In the dramatic ending, Brandy’s alcohol poisoning gets the best of her. She fall out during a beach lunch. Kelly, the ass grabber fell out on the boat before they even got there. I don’t think rich people get embarrassed by these things. Brandy seems to be having some sort of seizure. She needs to go to the hospital.
Next week, Brian fucks up majorly. And Captain Lee is not happy with dinner. The crew gets fucked up on shore leave.