I finally think it is safe to get back in the water. I may live to regret this but I am back to doing RHOC Recaps. At least for now. I’ve missed a few and taped them during a marathon today but am not quite caught up. Apparently, they are all fighting. I think I picked a good night to come back because Jesus Jugs is on the show tonight.
Let’s get this RHOC Recap going! During the preview part of the show, when I saw Shannon working out talking about how glad she is that she’s divorced a thought occurred. David asked her to work out with him and do the Spartan races a million times and she never would. But as soon as he left her, she’s off to the gym for the next guy. I wonder if that bothered David?
I was typing and missed the part where Kelly was in Scottsdale so I thought to myself, “Who got new faces?” when I saw her hugging two girls in a bar. Ha! I think Kelly is there to try and patch things up with her family. Kelly reminisces about the good old days in high school when they got arrested for setting the lawn at her Catholic school on fire. Sounds about right.
Kelly goes to talk to her oldest brother about her estrangement from her mom and her brother Eric. He’s going to try to broker a reconciliation. Apparently, Eric apologized to her. She wants to make up with her mom.
Broken Toe, Broken Heart
Meanwhile, back in the OC, Shannon is bitching about her head hurting from the time 87 years ago that Kelly gonged her upside the head at the wellness center. I don’t think anyone got well there. Vicki, Tamra and Emily drop by Shannon’s new house. Divorce settlements buy really nice houses. Shannon mentions new meals for her processed food line. My tummy may not be well enough to see any more of her “cuisine.” Oh God. That is what we are doing?
Gina announces to the group that she has a blind date with one of Shane’s friends. Emily awkwardly says that the friend emailed her to say that he broke his toe and can’t go. Apparently, Emily and Gina are good again. Emily says Matt is trying to get back with her. And they will. And he will physically attack her and get arrested or felony domestic violence. They call the dude with the broken toe. It’s a no go, bro.
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
I get having family portraits taken. What I don’t get is hiring photographers and having glam squads and wardrobe changes and so much nonsense. All for something that gets thrown in a drawer somewhere. Also, STOP HAVING BABIES! They are breathing up all the good air! Adopt if you want a million kids. Those kids need homes and are already here breathing up all the good air. We are full. We do not need any more kids,
Another thing we don’t need is Braunwyn and Tamra hooking up nekkid in a pool! What the fuck? That wasn’t two friends skinny dipping. That was pretty much Lebanese sex. Apparently, when Braunwyn brought up the threesome situation with her and her husband, Tamra said she and Eddie do that too! I think she is lying. Eddie doesn’t seem all that interested in sex with Tamra. Their third is probably a guy. NTTAWWT. BTW, Braunwyn told her husband about sharing this information on national TV, on national TV. He seems to be just fine with it. He’s going to ask Eddi about it. That should go well.
Another Kind of Threesome
Gina joins Emily and the delightful Shane for dinner. You know how when you are out with a guy sometimes you ask, “What are you getting?” Well, Shane kinda blew up when Emily did that. He’s so touchy. Then Gina and Shane double team Emily about not going to the doctor for her arthritis.
Emily and Gina ordered a pig head. And got a pig head. And then freaked out over poor Wilbur. Matt sends Gina a nasty text at dinner because she missed their son’s baseball game. He is not there either. He is never there. Dude, first of all, she’s at work. And also, fuck the fuck off. You lived in LA instead of with your kids. Emily and Shane both tell her he is trying to ruin her night. And it is working.
Nope. Not doing the Shannon scene. Not gonna do it.
Tamra and Shannon drop by Braunwyn’s love shack. She tells them it is two blocks from her husbands office. He’s totally fucking other women there on lunch break. Surely she knows that.
How am I only halfway through at nearly 800 words? WTF am I blabbing about? I am rusty, and slow and out of practice. Oh! I forgot, all the commercials are at the end of this show. So many commercials.
Emily goes to Cut Fitness about her arthritis. Tamra and Eddie practically fat shame her and force her to get on a scale that gives body fat percentage. Why does everyone act like Emily is huge? They promise she doesn’t have to know her weight. Then they tell her weight on camera. Production puts her weight on the chyron. Eddie tells her she is obese. With friends like that…
Emily meets Alexis Bellino for lunch. Alexis just got back from Thailand with her new boyfriend. Alexis brags about how happy she is with her great boyfriend who she never fights with. Shot to Emily’s heart. Ew! Flashback to Jim Bellino. Oh no! Emily and Gina are fighting again. Apparently, broken toe guy had a girlfriend the whole time. Gina tells Tamra (dueling scenes) that he said Gina and Shane knew the whole time. But when Emily tells her side of the story she tells Alexis she did not know. Gina will not pick up the phone for Emily. Now, Emily doesn’t want to go Shannon’s birthday party on a train. Don’t ask.
Next week, Tamra gets naked wasted at the birthday party. I guess we are halfway through. The last half of the season looks very dramatic.