Oh yay! It’s time for one last RHOP recap. While I have come to really like this franchise, I despise these reunions. For the love of God, can we just get off the topic of Michael Darby’s sexuality? NOE. NOE WE CAN NOT APPARENTLY.
First, we talk about everyone sex lives. Why? Why is this a topic? I don’t understand. And now we are going straight to the butt grab. Really? These bitches seem to be enjoying the gossip. On WWHL a few weeks ago, Andy Cohen had to make a legal statement that the unseen footage with Michael and the cameraman was NOT the cameraman in question. Yet they are showing it again on the reunion? Ah, he clarifies on the reunion that the second video it was unclear who Michael was talking to when he denied the butt touching. Andy apologizes to Michael and asks if he wants to clarify who he was talking to in the second clip.
The Butt Grab Heard Around The World
Michael starts off telling all of the ladies they should be ashamed of themselves for constantly keeping the situation going. The “I didn’t touch your butt” comment was made to Monique’s cousin, Hank. Monique says Hank was so drunk he doesn’t remember any of it. Michael says that he did NOT “grope Andrew’s butt” three years ago. He tapped him on the butt. They were friends. Guys do this all the time. Everyone starts laughing. It’s true. You see it in sports, you see it on Big Brother, Survivor and other reality shows. It’s something males do! Moniques husband Chris says only on the game field.
Michael points out he is from Australia. Andy says that is one of the reasons he loves Australia, it is fun down under. Michael points out the US has lost a lot of it’s fun.
More Butt Grabbing, Because..?
I wish Katie Rost was here. She would have provided enough crazy where we wouldn’t have to have this nonsense take up the entire hour. Chris seems to get REALLY heated about this situation because for some reason he was questioned by HR about it.
Then Andy says the ladies claim that Michael has displayed this sort of behavior every season. Gizelle says she saw Micheal grab Andrew’s butt three seasons ago. Production shows footage that seems to confirm what Gizelle is saying. Michael denies it was a grab. It was a pat. The footage is unclear on that. We just see a hand but the butt is blocked by Micheal’s body. Robyn says that production says the same night of the Andrew situation, other members of production claim he was grabbing their butts too. Karen is very into convicting Michael in RHOP Reunion court.
I’d Suck That Sausage!
I forgot about the whole “I’d suck his dick” AKA “I’d suck his sausage” stuff. So now we have to get through that. Michael says Robyn was so drunk she could hardly stand. There is no way she has any memory of that night. He says he wasn’t anywhere near Candiace that night. He says he should have filed charges against Candiace for pulling a (butter) knife on his wife. Candiace’s defense is that Ashley was in her home and she was trespassing. Girl, please. All the other ladies crack up as Andy explains Ashley was in fact not trespassing.
When Andy asks Juan, the owner of the sausage his opinion, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Thank you, Juan. We are sick and tired of hearing about it. So instead, Andy questions Michael about his sexuality. Michael puts Andy in his place quick and in a hurry saying that is not anyone’s business nor it is relevant. Candiace keeps trying to get face time by coming for Michael. Michael says he has no interest in Candiace and doesn’t care about anything she had to say. Because she is a non-motherfucking factor. (That last part was me, not Michael.)
The Ladies Feel Michael Owes Ashley An Apology
The ladies feel Michael owes Ashley an apology. Both Michael and Ashley disagree. I feel like the ladies owe Ashley an apology for making a bad situation worse. And they are continuing to do it on the reunion!
Sidenote: At the 32 minute mark there was a new RHOA preview. Not this one. I can’t wait!
Back on the RHOP reunion, there is a lot of screaming. Then Juan calls a ceasefire! Thank you Juan. Juan says that he has to pee and walks off. Then the screaming resumes. Why would anyone feel like they should tell a husband what he should say to his wife in this situation. Or presume that they had not had private conversations about the situation.
When Andy asks if anyone feels bad for how THEY treated Ashley, Candiace shocking says she should have texted her privately. Ashley says that instead, Candiace started rumors that Michael paid the guy off. Karen says she was in “a bubble of grief” and that is why she didn’t treat Ashley better. No one holds her accountable for Michael’s behavior.
What Does Everyone Think Now?
After seeing the clips and hearing out Michael, Gizelle feels less sure of the cameraman butt grab but is irritated that Michael is coming for her over the Andrew butt grab from three years ago. Micheal says it was a pay, Gizelle says it was a grab, and I still just don’t care.
Chris has not said a word about the topic. When Andy asks, he says he doesn’t know what to believe. Andy asks Michael if this is a cultural thing. Michael says he thinks it is this country is currently very uptight about touching. It’s not so in Australia (or tons of other countries btw). Michael says that no one on the cast reached out to him to see how he was doing. Gizelle and Robyn both seemed shocked that he would expect that. Why? Chris says he has called Michael before in another circumstance. Ray says he didn’t call him because he believed he was guilty. Ray says he had witnessed similar behavior from Michael in a different situation.
I. AM. SO. TIRED. OF. THIS.
Ray says that Michael grabbed Andy’s butt before at a previous reunion. They were kidding around so it wasn’t a big deal. Andy doesn’t remember this. Andy says he is sure he was fine with it. Michael ends with talking about how tremendous Ashley has been in the process. The men are sent away.
Then we get a lot of interesting scenes from backstage. Michael and Gizelle have a strange interaction that I didn’t quite understand. Michael has production take off his mike. Chris and Michael are leaving together to go to the bar. Chris invites the rest of the guys.
Then more rehashing by the women. Please God, make it stop. Karen is such a cunt to Ashley that Ashley has to point out that when the cheating rumors about Karen and her blue-eyed driver were going around, she didn’t go there and jump on all the rumors. She asks Karen for the same respect. But that hit dog is HOWLING.
During the rose and thorn ending, Monique cries about the breakup of her friendship with Candiace. They hug it out. NO MONIQUE NO! Robyn’s thorn was participating in the drama with Michael. Gizelle’s thorn was being shady with Ashley.
And with that, WE ARE FINALLY DONE WITH THE WORST REUNION EVER, But a decent season.