Hey, it’s Cho and I’m definitely drinking carbenet sauvignon and raspberry white claws for this 90-minute premiere of SURVIVOR. Please be patient with me. What do you drink during Survivor? If you haven’t read my thoughts on the cast of Survivor: Island of Idols, go do that now please! Right off the bat, how the mentor twist will work is explained: Sandra & Rob won’t be able to win the million dollars; they won’t have votes; and they will be tasked with counseling others throughout the season on how to win the game. Jeff’s botoxed face is looking really handsome tonight. He’s literally goals. Let’s get to this Survivor 39 recap!
Getting To Know The Lairo Tribe
Missy Byrd lets us know that she developed a brain tumor that caused her to not be able to walk. She is on Survivor to recoup and prove herself. The first alliance is already being built with the NHL captain, Tom Laidlaw, pulling in Vince & Elaine. He says that they all think alike so they make a great fit. The other 7 tribe members take this opportunity to brand them as an easy target for the first vote. Missy lets Elaine Stott know that her group of 3 are already being targeted, but Missy’s goal is to keep the girls together.
It’s only Day 2, and the poker player is already targeting Elaine for being a Day 39 threat. Can you say overplaying? In a confessional, Ronnie Bardah says that Elaine has to go due to her having a good storyline. In person, he is blowing smoke up her ass. Sigh I want him off the island despite him being a hottie. Elaine rightfully calls him a scumbag that she can’t trust.
Touchy Feelings on the Vokai Tribe
Janet Carbin aka “Super Mom” is already trying to prove herself to not be a weak link by showing the value she can bring to her tribe. She goes on to build a fire and says that it doesn’t matter what your identity is if you’re able to provide for others. She’s going out of her way to prove herself as an older woman, and I love it. The #ChoHatesOldPeople is officially cancelled!
Tommy Sheehan is already running game on everyone with his strong skills just like I predicted. Despite a lack of footage evidence, the tribe seems to have branded Jason Linden as an idol-searcher. Noura tells him that the others are already unfairly targeting him which is a shock to him. It’s literally been 30 minutes, and I feel bad that Jason is being targeted despite simply looking for items for the shelter. In the game of Survivor, anything can and will get you targeted by others!
Dan Spilo is giving everyone massages and making people feel uncomfortable. Both Kellee and Molly are spreading a negative narrative about Dan’s physicality. The women confront him about it. Dan appreciates the conversation from Kellee Kim who tells us that his lack of spatial awareness will cost him in the game. Foreshadowing of some sort?! Considering that Dan was the one knowingly spreading misinformation about Dan, I can’t say I’m sympathetic over him being the center of controversy.
Nothing special about the immunity challenge. Even the idols look basic. I’m really just looking at this challenge to see who the eye candy of the season will be. It’s obviously Jack Nichting with the curly hair! Janet continues to prove that old women can succeed on Survivor by extending the lead for her Vokai tribe in the physical portion. #ChoHatesOldPeople. The Vokai tribe has all the hotties; change my mind! We get to the puzzle and Vokai DOMINATES all the way to victory!
After announcing victory for Vokai, Jeff Probst lets Lairo know that someone will randomly be chosen to to go island of the idols. Elizabeth Beisel is chosen, but will attend tribal council. She freaks out knowing that this will probably put a target on her back, because she’s away during the pivotal strategy sessions pre-tribal council. I’m nervous for her, but I’m sure she’ll be given some overpowered advantage to help her make it through.
Island of the Idols
Elizabeth arrives trying to remain optimistic for what awaits her. She ends up seeing the MASSIVE statues of Sandra Diaz-Twine and Boston Rob. Such a ridiculous sight to see! HAHA When they both come out to see her, she bursts into excitement. I literally would be so star struck. Sandra is one of my favorite players. They make it explicitly clear that they are NOT there to win the game. They are there to serve as mentors of a sort of “Survivor Boot Camp”.
Rob and Sandra interrogate Elizabeth on her game thus far. Rob gives her an extensive lesson on how to build a fire. I’m already really impressed by this twist. Rob ends up successfully making a fire for Elizabeth in a matter of minutes. Sandra takes over and gives her some more practice in fire-making. Eventually, Elizabeth is able to build a fire, and this is so satisfying to watch as a viewer!! Let’s hope this isn’t like Ghost Island where the twist slowly fades away in interest over time.
Elizabeth Beisel is then offered an opportunity to win an immunity idol if she’s able to complete a challenge against Boston Rob to make fire.But, she loses her vote if she loses against him… the competitor in her decides to compete against him despite her odds. Rob reveals that he would have offered her another opportunity had she simply pressed for it. Sandra coaches Elizabeth during the competition against Rob, but he soundly defeats her. Rob schools her that if the deal is too good to be true, don’t take it. He basically calls her stupid for going against him after learning how to make fire only 10 minutes ago. He’s not wrong.
The Underdogs Are Targeted
Elaine is worried about Tribal Council, but she’s hoping her relationships will remain strong. Her, Tom, Vince and Chelsea target Ronnie, but he is definitely targeting Elaine at the start. Elaine is already in tears during a confessional, because her gut told her that she would be targeted first. Then, Elaine walks in on Ronnie & Aaron shit-talking her. Aaron explains to her that she is a target because she’s such a wonderful person. She takes the compliment, but explains that she is loyal and will go for whoever she needs to in order to survive. Aaron Meredith tells her to vote out Vince at tribal council.
Elizabeth gets back from the island of the idols and tells everyone the most extravagantly unbelievably lie ever: she tells them that basically nothing happened. We gloss over that ridiculous lie, because everyone is too busy trying to get Elizabeth’s vote on their side. The gag is that home girl doesn’t even HAVE a vote, because she took a stupid risk. Now, she’s lying to everyone about where her loyalties lie when she can’t even actually support any cause. This is hilarious. Cut to commercial break where Julie Chen is looking FANTASTIC!
I always imitate the tribalistic noises that they make during tribal council scenes. Don’t tell me I’m the only one. Is this technically cultural appropriation? I’m not hip to these new pseudo scientific terms! I’m nervous for Elaine & Vince, but I’m hoping Ronnie makes a swift exit. Rob & Sandra happen to be secretly hidden in attendance at tribal council. Elaine comes right out with her feeling of insecurity because of her immediate likability. Then, Elaine Stott says what everyone at home is thinking: why is everyone targeting her on day 1 for a strategy that should be employed much later in the game. It makes no sense!
Right as it starts to rain, Elaine starts to break down about her journey on to Survivor and how it could potentially be over. Jeff Probst asks if Ronnie can relate to Elaine’s story. Ronnie lists literally 20 jobs that he’s had in his life. Cringeworthy editing here. Vince Moua also cries about his emotional journey. Told ya! Sandra likes him. It’s time to vote. He reads them: Vince, Ronnie, Vince, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie and Ronnie is voted out 8 to 2. Thank goodness! The alpha dogs are already in danger!
So, what did you all think of the premiere? What were your thoughts on Sandra & Rob being a part of this season as mentors? What about Ronnie being evicted? Who are your favorites? Thank you all for listening to me complain in the previous post! Check that out if you want to know why I had the WORST SUMMER EVER! If you like what I do here on the site, be sure to support me in my other ventures elsewhere on the internet!