Y’all. What is wrong with me? I feel like I am on spring break or Rumspringa! I have this new, fuck it all sort of why don’t we get drunk and screw attitude gong on. For one thing it is hot as hell again this week. So I am drinking like a fish, not eating, sleeping all day and staying up all night. I’m a hot mess. Seriously. So bear with me as I get the Below Deck Med Recap up!
Incredibly Inappropriate Charity Message Goes Here
First of all I used to fuck a guy who worked for the Red Cross. I could have used a more genial term, but it was a bad relationship in many ways. He was some kind of middle manager. He made sure to tell his boss what the people below him were doing. That was basically it. He was rarely on location anywhere. Sometimes he would roll over, make a call and resume fucking. He made six figures in this job. He was eventually fired for sexting multiple people on the company account. ALLEGEDLY.
I bring up this nasty memory not just because I am on Rumspringa but because I do not think the Red Cross gets much of your donations to the people who need it. IN MY OPINION you should instead donate to B Strong and/or World Central Kitchen. Outside of my imaginary Internet Husband, Chef Jose is probably the best person in the world.
Sorry. Rambling already. Apologies. Rumspringa.
The Galley of This Boat is HORRID!
Back to the Below Deck recap. Ben is having a hard time regaining his sea legs. Travis is having a hard time staying sober. Ben physically carried Travis to the van. Then they all had to carry him into the ship.
I love the shopping trip to Antibes. It’s on the Côte d’Azur between Cannes and Nice. Or “the south of France as we call it. I am trying to be excited over the fact that I can go there soon. Or anywhere else I desire. But, I am having a hard time caring. Depression and alcohol don’t mix well. Sorry. Moving on.
Fifteen minutes into my Below Deck Med recap, Banjo informs me that his dinner was not up to par. So I had to fix that and then the King of the Castle wanted to spend time outside, Argh.
Rough Seas Ahead!
I am getting seasick just watching this boat rocking. Yet they are putting out toys. Why? It seems like the waters are calmer. But then one of the male charters gets in distress on a jetski and needs rescuing.
Everyone survives. Ben starts upping his game. I might actually be sick. I can’t stop sneezing and blowing my nose. I’m too old for this sort of Rumspringa behavior. Like several decades to old.
It seems ridiculous to buy cloches at this point. There are like two more cruises. And why do we need TWO HUNDRED EGGS?
Meanwhile Joao fucked up and Captain Sandy could care less. For a lesbian, she sure does have a hard on for Joao. Are we sure she isn’t bi? On the other hand she HATES Travis. She dresses him down (appropriately) for a snarky comment on the radio. To be fair Travis has been pulled in to do many jobs this season that he didn’t sign up for. Is he drunk a lot on shore? Sure. But he does seem to be a functional alcoholic. Sandy and Travis eventually hug it out.
Jack Is A Poet Who Doesn’t Know It!
Jack leaves a poem for Aesha. “Your head is fat, you have a nice twat, your box is furry like a cat, you are lovely.” Um if only someone had loved me like that. Um, NOT.
Captain Sandy is worried about Travis’ drinking. Perhaps Captain Lee should….let me shut up. Anyway. Captain Sandy talks to Travis about his drinking. She’s an alcoholic. She had a very rough life as a result. It’s a very interesting conversation. Captain Sandy has not had a drink in 29 years. She is very kind during this conversation.
Collie Wollie gets to drive the boat! I love Colin.
Then WE HAVE A SITUATION!
Next week it all goes to shit.