AlIn lieu of RHOOC tonight, I’ll be doing a Teen Mom OG Recap of the two part reunion. I’m a bit under the weather today, on top of THE CRAZY, so if you are expecting a perfectly polished recap, this is probably not the one for you. But, um, you’ve also rarely gotten that anyway. 🙂 So let us forge ahead with a full TWO HOURS of Teen Mom OG. I’ve been watching but the show just didn’t air at a time where I could recap. So I have a whole season of things I want to tell you about!
Oh and before we get started I wasn’t able to pull the photos of everyone I wanted to because I was late to the party for the first episode. However, I have three photos of Tyler and Catelynn that I wanted to share. Because they both seemed pissed off about something when I pulled their screenshots. That’s why I used so many more of their photos.
We begin with Maci, Catelynn and Cheyenne. Apparently Mackenzie is just a “guest mom” and well, Amber is looking at lots of prison time. So, of course they start with that. Maci and Catelynn both said they are trying to support Amber through these trying times. Cheyenne says she was glad the OGs were so accepting of her. These three seem to get along well. It is insane that we have been watching the women for ten years.
Cheyenne & Cory
Cory is such an attention whore. He started out on The Real World. Then, he did The Challenge which is where he met Cheyenne. Then, he went on Ex On The Beach, and now he’s on Teen Mom OG. The dude has never met a camera he didn’t love.
These two decided that they are just not the right person for each other. Cheyenne wants marriage and a family and Cory is still sowing his wild oats. Cheyenne and Taylor are in a good place. Cory regrets not leaving Mexico to get to the hospital for Ryder. Cheyenne has resentment toward Cory about that. Cheyenne cries talking about Ryder’s condition.
Also, on a petty note, Cheyenne looks STUNNING on this show. But, WTF with the feathery shit going down only one sleeve? It just doesn’t belong on that pretty pink suit.
Catelynn & Tyler
These two kids are tenacious. I’ll give them that. Overall, they say they had a good year. Catelynn lets the cat out of the bag about their “separation.” She says Tyler spent the night with her a lot during it. After lots of counseling, they say they are stronger than ever. They both really want to have a boy. I hate to break it to them, but the sperm decides the gender. And Tyler shoots nothing but girls. Tyler said that the moment a boy is born he’s going to go get snipped.
Catelynn talks about considering an abortion with Vaeda Luma. What is with these names? Tyler says he didn’t give any input into that consideration because basically, her body, her choice.
Butch relapsed this season and that was really sad. Once again he was not at the the birth of their baby. They both want a relationship with Butch, but only when he is off drugs.
Carly’s Parents Join The Reunion!
They got to see Carly this year and she was really good with the baby. On that note, Brandon and Carly have agreed to be on camera! This is the first time in ten years! We get a flashback to the first time they met Catelynn and Tyler. They were only sixteen. So very young. Tyler gets emotional while watching. Carly’s parents were sort of blindsided by news that MTV would be filming the experience. Tyler thanks them for being amazing parents and for letting them see Carly. Brandon thanks Catelynn and Tyler. Hopefully, their tensions are lessened by this exchange.
Mackenzie & Josh
I don’t remember ever watching Teen Mom 3. So I am all Mariah Carey I don’t know her with this. I hope that her mom gets well, but I am skipping over the health report. She looks good. She has a great attitude and has outlived her expected time. Despite what Mackenzie is saying, her dad doesn’t seem to care for Josh. Dr. Drew tries to urge Mackenzie into therapy. She’s shutting down and is in denial.
Side Note: I apparently have given Banjo diarrhea or something. He generally only goes out twice a day. Tonight he has gone out three times. He just came back in, and has to go again. I don’t now what all he does out there. The backyard is his mancave and not my business. But, it’s probably because I let his share my fried chicken breast last night. It was greasy and delicious.
Banjo just went out again. It’s dark in the ghetto. It’s not a good idea to be outside. Suddenly, he is barking at someone outside the back fence. I give him the I AM FUCKING SERIOUS GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW YELL. Several times. Nothing. I have to go out with a flashlight and drag him back to the how. We are not speaking to each other and I have covered his crate with a blanket. T
Maci & Taylor
These two have decided NOT to lift the restraining order on Ryan. Maci is happy that Ryan’s mom finally has a girl grandbaby. Bentley has been getting therapy about the Ryan situation.
Then Ryan comes out by himself. No parents, no baby mama nothing. Ryan’s eyes are weird. Like fixed and dialated weird. I’m just saying. Ryan says that he is off probation. When asked about how is sobriety was going he said good. It doesn’t seem like he was very sure of that. He talks about his addiction. It’s sad. His eyes are insane.
I just realized there are two Mackenzie’s on this show. Out comes Ryan’s baby mama. Ryan has gray hair. When Dr. Drew says that Maci says that Ryan is more like an uncle or a friend to Bentley, Ryan goes off on Maci. He doesn’t seem to get that his is not being a father to Bentley. Mackenzie is pissed about the restraining order. I hate to say it but I see her getting her own restraining order against Ryan in the future. She’s in denial.
When we start tonight’s episode, we have Maci, and Ryan’s parents on the couch. Dr. Drew thinks Ryan looks a lot better. Apparently, the startled deer look in his eyes is perfectly normal. Ryan’s mom says that Ryan feels like she fights for time with Bentley for herself. She says that is not true. But, what if it is? Grandparents love spending time with their grandkids! Ryan is also pissed with his mother for maintaining a good relationship with Maci. Ryan is a dick. Ryan’s mom is just looking out for the best interest of Bentley.
Ryan’s mom says Ryan wants to make amends with Maci. Did she not see Ryan’s interview above?
Sidenote: I let Banjo out of time out. It’s as much a punishment for me as it is for him. We are inseparable. But, DAYUM, he need to come when I call him and he might be in danger!
Cheyenne, Matt, Cory & Taylor
This couples seem happy. Taylor has a bit of a Freudian slip with she says “I love being with him and Cory is a bonus. I mean Ryder is a bonus.” She is really good with Ryder. Somehow, I had forgotten Taylor was on Are You The One? I am way too old to be watching all of these MTV shows. Matt says he is getting used to the cameras. Also I had no idea that it sounds like Cory basically cheated on Taylor with Cheyenne. Anyway, none of this matters because everyone on the couch seems to genuinely like each other.
Cory is not sure if he is in love. Taylor and Cheyenne both say that Cory doesn’t know what love is. He’s apparently never said “I love you.” To anyone. I wonder if he has said it to his mother? Dr. Drew has Taylor tell Cory she loves him to see his reaction. Cory give her a dramatic smooch. Taylor says that Cory tells her he loves her in other ways. He just doesn’t like saying it. That’s weird, right?
Catelynn, Tyler, Tyler’s Parents & Sister
Tyler’s mom got to meet Carly this year. She has been sending her Christmas presents and birthday presents every single year. Tyler’s sister is doing great with her sobriety. She is hoping for time with her kids.
Butch is sort of on the outs with these people for obvious reasons. They feel that he really screwed up getting in a relationship with less than a year of sobriety. Then Butch comes out. He is not with the girlfriend anymore. When Dr. Drew points out she said some horrible things to Amber, he defends the ex-girlfriend! Butch is very defensive, angry and mean. Tyler is crying. Then Butch cries. He says that when Tyler’s mom texted him that he was dead to her, it killed him. Dr. Drew asks, so what would a sane person do?
Butch doesn’t seem to be in a program. Butch belittles his daughter one year sobriety chip. This is really hard to watch. Because, WE WERE ALL PULLING FOR BUTCH. And this just sucks. Butch hasn’t even met Vaeda yet. This is horrible. This is becoming an intervention for Butch. Dr. Drew says that Tyler need to go to Al-Anon and I agree. He has so much on his shoulders and trying to FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME help Butch is something he can no longer do. This was hard to watch.
Gary & Christina
Gary is walking a thin line here trying to support Amber even though she abused him too. He said that after the arrest, Leah who didn’t know about anything wanted to Facetime Amber and Andrew. So,he had to tell her about her mother’s arrest. Dr. Drew talks about the time Amber assaulted Gary. Gary said he was not in shock when it happened again. Gary and Christina both went to court with Amber because she really on had a producer (so the media says to me it looked like her mother) there with her. Also, Gary says he asked Amber if she was suicidal. She said no.
Christina says this is a lot to bear. She wants whatever is better for Leah’s best interest. Leah has been in therapy. Neither of them think she has panic attacks. Well, Christina does. Gary thinks Leah is manipulative. As someone with panic attacks on nearly a daily basis, I can’t rule out what Gary is saying. I think it is possible that Leah has panic attacks, but it is also possible that she has learned some behaviors from her mother.
And here we go. She gets a full fifteen minutes. Dr. Drew traveled to her. So why is their applause from the “audience” for the machete weilding psychopath? Also, I am pissed that Teen Mom stopped filming Andrew during all of this. Where the fuck is he to tell us what happened? He was willing to film and Teen Mom didn’t want him too. Also, this season Amber told her therapist NUMEROUS TIMES ON CAMERA that she was “this far to losing it.” I imagine it is a legal issue and they are afraid Andrew will sue the holy fuck out of them when this is over.
So, Amber is the third person on this reunion who seems REALLY FUCKED UP. She does clear up the “911” text it was for some sort of neighborhood watch thing. Then Amber says if someone was coming after her with a machete she would call 911. Basically, she said nothing like that ever happened. Sorry I am getting tired after a two hour recap.
Amber Portwood Denies The Machete Incident
Amber says that Andrew already has a new girlfriend that he has moved to Indiana. She’s talked to her. I wonder if that is true. I think he may have called someone out to help him with the kid.
When Dr. Drew asked her to walk him through the night of July 4th when she was arrested, she starts talking about lawyers and legal issues. That is actually smart. She basically threatened to walk.
Then they just talk about the season. Amber and Christina get along well. Then they go back to what happened again. Dr. Drew just wants to get her side of the story out. She bites. She says that years ago, she put herself in prison rather than do a drug rehab. She did that to help herself.(This is all true by the way). So that is her defense. Why would she risk it all by attacking her boyfriend and child with a machete? Well, because she is sadly mentally ill. She says that Andrew is insane.
We got NOTHING from Andrew. And he posted about not being filmed since Amber’s arrest. So much for the real story.
We end with everyone back on stage (except Andrew and Amber) talking about how their lives have been filmed for ten years.