So as I am doing setups for this week’s RHOC recap, I see in the episode description “Kelly and Brauwnyn watch Emily rehearse her anniversary dance number.” I was kind of excited for this episode before I read that. None of the previews included this. I like Emily and that description just makes me worried for her. People are very hateful toward her on social media and she just seem like a sweet person in a sea of vipers.
Oh Lord. We start with the train. The rumor they are discussing is that eight guys pulled a train on Kelly. Apparently, they all heard it, and Tamra was the dumbass to blurt it out. Last week, a lot of y’all didn’t know what was meant by “the train.” I regret to inform you that “eight guys pulled a train on her” GENERALLY means that eight guys raped her. It means that if this is true she was probably so fucked up she didn’t know what she was doing and probably doesn’t remember any of it.
A New Low For The Misogyny Channel
I am SICKENED that this is being aired by Bravo. But nothing the misogyny channel does surprises me. However, this is a new low. And I had no idea how fucking low Bravo could go. I shall type the rest of this recap through tears like the triggered snowflake that I am. Because this storyline is unacceptable in every way.
I hope Kelly Dodd sues Bravo for everything they fucking have. And I get now why Kelly is furious with Tamra Judge. She should be fired. This whole fucking franchise needs to end. Sorry. But this is just not right. How much longer are we going to watch this fucking shit? And NO, Tamra. That is not what pulling a train is. Pulling a train is RAPE you stupid fucking cunt.
Tamra Judge Should Be Fired
Shannon and Gina both say that the discussion they had in the car on their way home about “the train” must never be brought up again. The reiterate in their confessionals it should never be mention. Tamra Judge gives a disgusting confessional that make me want to throw up. Even Vicki freaked out when she brought it up. Braunwyn wants to let Kelly know what piece of shit Tamra said.
Twelve hours later Shannon and Tamra prepare to go for a walk. Frankly, I think everyone on the show should have refuse to film with Tamra after that. Shannon thinks that “last night was so much fun.” On their walk Tamra doesn’t tell Shannon about Gina’s husband’s affair. Why the fuck not? You talk about people’s rape? Oh yeah, you hate Kelly so that makes it okay. Tamra says that she thinks Gina would benefit it Shannon reached out offering friendship.
Braunwyn Is My New Favorite Housewife
Braunwyn has Gina and Kelly over. I still can’t get over Gina’s confessional. If I wasn’t feeling badly enough about the disrespect of women on this channel, Gina seems to have done the whole “I’m not good enough or pretty enough for my husband so I am going to buy a whole new face” thing. Even her voice is more submissive. I’m sorry. I’m just irritated and frankly shocked by this whole episode. Gina is pissed that Braunwyn told Kelly what people are saying. Bitch please.
If people were saying that about someone in my yoga class I’d hook them in. I haven’t had a yoga class in decades but still. I am getting angrier as the episode goes on and I didn’t pull enough photos for this many words. We are only six minutes in.
Braunwyn told Kelly everything. When I saw this clip and I heard Kelly say, “I haven’t even done a threeway,” I didn’t believe her. But who cares? We are all allowed to do whatever is consensual. Literally no sober sane person consents to a train unless they are porn stars. It’s NEVER consentual in the real world. I’m Team Braunwyn on this situation.
Gina Goes To Therapy
This recap is excruciating. I’m ten words in and already over 700 words. I thought I would spend this scene with Gina’s therapist talking about the weird shit in the (me in real life making a tubular hand gesture… what is the word for those things, it is not a tube) CYLINDERS next to her. There is like a calves bladder? Some sliced kiwi? And a giant crystal. Anyway, it’s weird. Gina is sad her POS husband cheated on her and and been dating the person he cheated with again for the past six months. She will be even sadder soon when he nearly kills her.
In other news, Emily is going to be part of a Vegas show to impress Shane on their anniversary. She wants to do a fuck you to all the people who body shame her online. My thing is why are these people selling Sexxy hats? Wouldn’t SeXXXy be better? I really should have gone into marketing or advertising.
Emily, my love, I adore you. BUT YOUR HUSBAND IS MORMON! What would make you think this is a good idea? To this day I keep mixing up Gina and Emily’s name. They need to just change names. Please and thank you.
Braunwyn’s Family goes on vacation without her because apparently she is writing a book? Sienna’s four year old is having developmental delays. Damn, this girl is understandably falling apart. I do not think they should put kids issues on national TV.
With Friends Like These…
If that were not enough of a problem Jeff Lewis and his fucking loquaciousness likes to spew anything anyone has ever told him on his radio show. So Shannon told Jeff that she would not be surprised if either Gina or Emily were to be fired of the show. Oh I TOTALLY believe Shannon said that. But Shannon and Jeff are close friends. What fucking betrayal, Jeff! So of course Shannon is denying it. I’m not overly fond of Shannon but if I were in her situation I’d deny it too and say Jeff is just using her for ratings. Which could also be true. Who Knows?
Emily responded on Twitter that Shannon “may have lost 40 pounds of fat but not 40 pounds of jealousy.” And a hashtag about her frozen fish. LOL YOU GO GIRL. You are dealing with enough shit without Shannon pouring gasoline on the fire. Tamra chastised Emily for it. Suck a dick, Tamra. SUCK EIGHT DICKS. You brought up a RAPE STORY ON SOMEONE. Emily was defending herself.
So the guise is that Shannon planned the Rodeo Drive adventure for Gina because she had never been. And yet she was putting it into the atmosphere that Gina was going to be fired. TAMRA needs to be fired! Gina and Emily talk and Emily is really upset about life. Shannon picks up Gina’s bill. Then Shannon gets snarky about it. It’s all in on Emily from Shannon. STFU. Shannon.
This recap has gone on too long and I have not even gotten to the final scene with the requisite knock down drag out fight yet. Banjo was worried about me when I cried earlier. Now I am laughing out loud over the ring prices. What on earth is wrong with people? I need to unload some jewelry so as not to be a target when I move overseas. These people are nuts. Do they need all of this shit or could they help others out? Yes, I want to see rich people doing rich people things, but these people seem to be flaunting excess. It’s not fun to watch.
On RHOBH you see filthy rich people going on expensive vacations. I love that. But you also see them giving back. Especially Kyle and Maurico. They are nice humans. These creatures, I am not so sure about.
Everyone knows that Emily is going through something. Yet the all gang up on her. Over Shannon’s comments to Jeff. Well just fuck them all. Emily admits she should have contacted Shannon directly. She apologizes. Shannon says she wants to move on. OMFG.
Tamra says that people should stop gossiping. Then she says THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW EIGHT GUYS ARE BANGING YOU FROM BEHIND. That has nothing to do with the conversation at hand. And I am SOFA KING INFURIATED WITH TAMRA JUDGE at this point that it has taken me two hours to recap this shit. The cavalier way she says “eight guys are banging your from behind” makes me think violent thoughts here. I am old and fat and never get off my couch, but I am sure there are more agile people who feel the same fucking way. HOW DARE SHE?
HOW DARE BRAVO? WHY DO ANY OF US WATCH THIS SHIT? This is WELL BEYOND BROOKS FAKING CANCER IN MY BOOK. And yet Bravocon is sold out BY WOMEN? FUCK ANY OF Y’ALL WHO SHOW UP AT THAT MISOGYNISTIC EVENT!
Oh Lord, Emily brings up that Gina told her about “the train.” Now all hell is about to break loose. Basically, Kelly is pissed at Tamra and Shannon for not telling her first. I am starting to feel like this is all production bullshit and that make me EVEN MORE DISGUSTED. This Kelly, Tamra. Shannon scene replete with Kelly’s kid calling at the exact right moment is horrific. I’m sorry if y’all think I am blowing this out of proportion. This is just MISOGYNY at it’s finest and it show these women will agree to anything for a paycheck.
This totally explains why when the RHOC got the first few preview episodes, Kelly was DONE with Tamra. Tamra is the one who brought “The Train” up in the first place. She didn’t know until she saw the episode!!!! At the time Kelly thought it was VICKI who said it. Braunwyn should be Kelly’s new friend. Tamra is trying to lay this on VICKI WHO SAID NOTHING! And Tamra is the one who blurted it out. IT IS ALL TAMRA’S FAULT AND SHE NEEDS TO BE FUCKING FIRED!
For Tamra to do such a thing to a mother is DESPICABLE! Point blank and the motherfucking period. Tamra is an evil person. And please spell her name right in comments because I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED.
I took over two and a half hours to recap this because it was literally the most disturbing episode of any franchise EVER to recap. I apologize to anyone I may have triggered.