A new season of Love After Lockup premiered last night, and I told myself I wasn’t going to watch it. But it’s on my DVR and I thought I might just give it a peek. So I’m not sure if this will be a Love After Lockup recap, or just me deciding if I want to watch it.
What I know for sure you should be watching is 60 Days In: Narcoland. It’s great, but not really recapable because of the different set ups. There are the usual people in jail, but also, people going undercover in the drug neighborhoods to get information. We also ride along with the police this season. There is a lot going on. It’s kind of like Live PD meets 60 Days In.
Anyway, on to the premiere of Love after Lockup recap. Right off the bat, there are too many couples. Seven couples are way too many. Perhaps Angela gets stood up by Tony again on this season. We only need three or four couples at a time.
Cheryl & Josh
This one is perhaps clinically insane. Cheryl is 30 really stupid. Apparently, she is dating a bank robber because she wants “a big ole glamorous life.” She’s a real genius this one. She claims she met Josh while doing a report on serial killers for school. That is either a bald-faced lie, or she is still working on that GED at 30. She has a thing for serial killers. Bank robbers also turn her on. Turnoffs include rational thought and responsibility and education. She has three kids!
Production tells her to say she has spent $30K on the bank robber. She says she makes about $1200 a week as an intervention assistant and that is “plenty enough” to raise three kids and take care of the bank robber. She doesn’t even make $30K a year after taxes. He sister literally says,”You’re stupid.” The sister seems to have a brain in her head. She needs to flee the town and get away from the crazy.
Cheryl’s friend Tony is a full on clown. He comes to make balloon animals at her kid’s birthday. Then we meet Cheryl’s parents. They should never have procreated.
Vincent & Amber
Vincent can’t tell us what he does for a living. I’m guessing mass murderer. He wants to marry Amber. He has been talking to Amber in prison for almost two years. She’s a drug dealer. She says Vincent is in the military. Amber is going to move in with her jail girlfriend, Puppy. Puppy’s mom is still in prison. Vincent’s mom wants to go with him to pick up Amber.
Amber is being released after four years. They have never met in person. Amber doesn’t seem that bad. They head to an AirBnB.
Andrea & Lamondre
Andrea is 37 with three kids and five sisters. The sisters do not know about Lamondre. Or so the script goes. Lamondre is a “drug lord” who has been arrested so many times I could not count them all. Lamondre has gold teeth. This is just like the Mormon chick and the LA guy. She thinks Lamondre just needs Jesus, and a wife. She thinks Lamondre is good-looking and very smart. Andrea is a straight up fool.
The sisters didn’t take the news of her engagement very well. Because, her sister’s seem relatively sane. One of them called her mother and mama showed up big mad.
Lacey & John
Oh look! Another one with three kids that she is exposing to a convicted felon. Lacey apparently does online sex modeling. Her kid’s father and her previous boyfriends are all locked up. Oh I forgot to mention all the women so far are “engaged” to their inmate. Lacey’s dad says she needs to put her kids first. Apparently, John is going to be on tether at her house with the kids.
Breaking News! Lacey has two inmate boyfriends. So it’s double the dumb. Shane is in prison for malicious wounding. It seems he is getting out of prison before John.
Angela & Tony
We already know how dumb Angela is. We have seen her before. Angela has just a few hours pickup Tony, go out for a steak dinner, have sex at the truckstop and get him to the halfway house.
Oh lord, there is a followup on the previous idiots. Garrett looks terrible. Johanna is still awful. Garrett has a new girlfriend, Nelly. She’s pretty.
So what’s the verdict?