In order to get my RHOC recaps up as quickly as possible, I do as much of the grunt work and behind the scenes stuff well before the show starts. Today, I noticed that the current episode was episode two. My immediate reaction was OMG! Did my DVR not tape the first episode? Did I seriously NOT do a RHOC recap for episode one? I flew over to the admin forum to see if anything was there. Oh yeah, I remember now. That was a few hours ago and I’ve already forgotten episode one AGAIN. I like RHOC more than most of you and even I had zero memory of the episode.
Anyway, Onward and Upward with tonight’s RHOC recap.
Mothers & Daughters
First of all, I think they did a good job with the tag lines this season. I will probably hate them by the end of the season. But for now they are not as annoying as most. We start with Kelly and her daughter getting tennis lessons. I don’t think Kelly is doing Jolie any favors with these scenes. We don’t need to exploit her acne, or draw attention to her PRIVATE Instagram where she is still getting DMs from idiots calling Kelly a drunk and a cokehead. Show her taking tennis lessons. But be mindful of any conversations. She is twelve. Vicki is not to blame for the trolls on social media. Kelly is.
Meanwhile, over at Shannon’s house, her kid is about to leave in the shortest dress I have ever seen a Bravo offspring wear to prom. But it is Shannon’s kid that telling Shannon not to drink. Sophie even got a talking head!
Shane’s parents are celebrating their birthdays. Shane has left the family home to hole up God knows where to study for the bar. He’s already failed it once or twice before. So it appears he is not showing up. His parents are not exactly spring chickens. I think he needs to take a break and get his ass to this dinner. And I am one of the few people who actually like Shane. At least Emily has hired a private chef. Dinner seems “healthy.” Barf.
Love Shack, Baby, Love Shack!
Braunwyn’s mom needs her own spinoff immediately. I love this woman. She wanted to be a rockstar. When that didn’t work out she became a doctor. Then she went to Burning Man and got into all sort of kooky stuff and started talking to angels. It reminds me of that pot smoking mom that used to be on this show. Whose Mom was that? The one that Vicki’s asshole son in-law treated like crap? Put them both on a spinoff.
Braunwyn and Sean have a special condo just for THE SEX! I love this idea. Her mom is coming over to watch the kids while they spend the night at their love shack for Valentine’s day. Her mom seems perplexed by the concept of making dinner for seven kids. Frankly, so am I.
Braunwyn sports some really hot side boob. Especially after SEVEN kids.
Tamra and Eddie go out to fancy Valentines Day dinner. Eddie got her shoes. I think she said Valentino, but I was not a fan of them. Tamra tells Eddie she has made up with Shannon and for the most part Vicki.
Kelly heads over to check on Gina and see her new house. Gina is dating a guy ten years older than she is. She is struggling with it because he if an educated man. He doesn’t use emojis! He used the word ‘respite” which she can’t even pronounce. Kelly talks about her dumb boyfriend from last season. Kelly is not much smarter than he was. For all the posts about Gina Kirschenheiter’s troubles with the law Click Here.
There is a girl on Big Brother this season who is dumber than a box of hair who went to college on an athletic scholarship. She said, “Vocabulary is for old people.” Others in the house agreed. Pray for our country. I would totally have the sex with Kelly’s dumb but hot boyfriend from last season though. Because the lady garden wants what the lady garden wants.
My back hurts. I splurged on Captain D’s tonight and I think that pushed me back over the weight limit that my spine can support. MUST start walking again! But it has been 80 degrees or more in this house all day and high 90s outside. How am I to waddle in such oppressive heat? If God didn’t want me to have fried fish today, he wouldn’t have let Captain D’s be right next door to the dog bed store.
Time For The Cold Shoulders At The House Warming
And I don’t mean the stupid dresses and tops that are”cold shoulder.” I hate recapping these stupid fights. Kelly and Shannon arrive together.
Tamra Bravo is catering the entire thing. Why are the calling Gina a cougar? I thought she said her beau was ten years older. Perhaps I misheard. Emily and Shannon don’t like each other. Shannon blocked her on IG. Emily is trying to be nice to Shannon and compliments her on her weight loss.
I like the dynamic between Sean and Braunwyn so far. On the way over to the housewarming they talk about how weird it is to go to a housewarming for someone they have never met. So far, I am a a fan of this couple.
At least I’m not doing Crystal Meth In The Bathroom!
This is sort of the low bar we are going for tonight. Tamra’s house is stunning. It looks way more expensive to me than $2 million. It’s Orange County! Kelly tells Braunwyn how much she hates Vicki. No welcome to the group, just “I hate Vicki.” Meanwhile, upstairs, Shannon and Tamra watch a animoji Kelly posted to Vicki. It’s a pig and she calls Vicki a “little pig of a fucking bitch ” and tells her not to fucking text her, among other nonsense. Tamra thinks it is “kinda funny.” Shannon is much more compassionate.
Vicki literally got a nose job after Slade called Vicki “Miss Piggy” are few seasons ago. Oh, Tamra mentions this in a talking head filmed weeks after she laughed about it on camera. Apparently, the Tres Amigas reunite quite quickly.
It’s 83 degrees inside my house at !0:08 pm. Le sigh. This is why ceiling fans and ice cold beer are important in the south. If one of them there Yankee decorators came in to give my house a makeover, I’d have to shoot them if they started their tirades against ceiling fans. Ceiling fans are fancy AF. It’s not like a box fan in the window! 🙂
Vicki arrives and says hello to the people she knows. She even gives Kelly a “Hi, Kel!” to no response. But she totally snobbed Braunwyn. I think Braunwyn actually goes by Bella in real like and I am hoping to switch to that soon as my brain is melting. Braunwyn is further annoyed by Vicki when it seems like Vicki is flirting with Sean. In a talking head filmed later it is clear Braunwyn will not be Team Vicki. But she seems to really like Tamra.
Was This A Blue Jeans Party?
I don’t think I’ve ever seen all of them in jeans at one event. I like it. But, I just feel like I’ve missed a memo. Perhaps it is a promotional? Are they all the same brand? I’ve always been a Levi’s girl until I got to be the size of a house. Then, I discovered Tommy Kors at TJmaxx. If you too are fat, I highly recommend them. I bough them in three different sizes. I was in the smallest one. Until, Captain D’s. It was worth it.
Anyway, Kelly and Vicki fight. The episode ends with Kelly finally telling Vicki that her kid gets hate on her PRIVATE IG account because of Vicki’s cocaine accusations.
Next time, the three amigas reunite.
Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to strip and guzzle cold beer while watching Bachelor In Paradise