by Dalai Mama
Welcome to the Below Deck Med Recap, in which beautiful people will drink and make out in the pleasure capital of the Mediterranean, and Joao will slut-shame them all.
Sorry to have missed last week’s fun, my fine friends, and I’m not quite back to working order yet. Anyone out there dealing with a parent with dementia? It is a whole new version of hell.
We open with a culinary post-mortem. The abbreviated version is the guests didn’t like their grub. It isn’t “five star”. Sandy takes this in grimly, then the guests are dropped over the side, and Captain Sandy addresses the crew. She is in A Mood. And so am I. June complains.
Aesha is vacuuming and being fairly adorable. She chats up Anastasia who steps up to new heights of World Class Condescension. “The job I’m doing requires brain power,” she snips. “Unlike vacuuming.” Aesha is like ‘oh no she didn’t’. I’d rather go hungry and hang with Aesha and her vacuum than eat Anastasia’s Superiority Nuggets.
Hannah and Joao are doing some kind of My So Called Life mating dance. “Do you like me?” “I don’t know. What if I do?” “I don’t know.” “Okay, so like whatever?” “Yeah, like whatever.”
Slut-Shaming Olympics
The crew is getting a night of alcohol and good times at the Monte Carlo Hotel, courtesy of the Anonymous Boss. Hannah and Travis snog, while Joao sulks. June is hungry. People are canoodling by the pool.
Aesha is sexing it up. Why not? She’s in Monaco. Joao gallantly calls her trash, and tells her she looks like a prostitute.Travis passes out at dinner, which Hannah seems to find unattractive.
Even affable Colin in his totally on fleek shirt has to tell Travis to shape up.
What is genuinely more upsetting is Joao’s relentless slut-shaming of Aesha, which continues at dinner. Aesha is usually armored up, but she’s on the verge of tears at this dinner, and I can see why. Joao is being absolutely disgusting. He’s coming on full-tilt Abigail Williams in The Crucible.
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Joao talks about his mother being assaulted in his talking head and cries, and I’m sure it’s very sad, but this Pope Joao wagging his finger in Aesha’s face is pissing me off. Jack attempts to defend her, but lamely.
Back on the Sirocco, the crew prepares for the next posse of guests. After that, Travis calls Joao out on his chronic slut-shaming, and good for him. If he has a drinking problem, that’s none of my business. He’s got a heart of gold.
Too Smart to Vacuum
The guests arrive. The primary is named Verne, and is wearing the most perfect fuschia shirt I’ve ever seen, so I love him already.
The first meal served is cold pasta that isn’t supposed to be cold. This irritates Anastasia, because she’s Too Smart to Vacuum. June isn’t answering her radio. Also she’s probably hungry.
Meal two: Lamb burgers. Verne wants truffle fries. I’m sorry, these guests are the cutest guys ever. Just bring them their truffle fries!
After waiting some time for their truffle fries, the guests are ready for some fun. They have gotten into some highly fashionable swim trunks, and are all over the water toys. But one of them has taken the jet skis into the Neutral Zone, and is endangering boats and swimmers.
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In Which the Guests Receive a Time Out
Joao is sent out to retrieve them. A police boat arrives, looking gleaming and sleek, like a maritime One Adam Twelve. Reid and Malloy bob in the waves as Joao retrieves the errant jetskier. As a result, Sandy gives all the guests a time out and sends them to their rooms. (I made that part up.)
Anastasia sings an original composition about how fine her food is. Even her singing has no tune.
And now it is time for the first dinner of the charter. Where do these guys shop? They look mighty fine. Uh oh. The red snapper is cold. The rice is cold. Therefore Anastasia surmises that a freak cold front is chilling the dishes while they are being transported to the table. Another plate gets sent back because the fish has no taste.
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Chief Inspector Culinary Hound
Sandy arrives in full Culinary Inspector Hound mode. She drops in to talk to the guests. Anastasia is incensed. Is it her fault of the flavor somehow fell out of the fish AFTER she plated it? New plates with hot, flavored food arrive as Anastasia fumes. NONE of this is her fault. The final insult – there is a hair on someone’s key lime pie. Houston, do we have a Ben yet?
Next week on Below Deck Med we are treated to a 90 minutes special. That’s 90 minutes of Anastasia making mistakes, Travis and Hannah fighting, and Colin going to talk to Sandy about something controversial. Is Travis going to be outed as a problem drinker? Is Ben finally going to show up?
Dalia Mama- Great recap! I love The Adam 12 reference. Adam 12, SWAT and Dukes If Hazzard were my and my brother’s favorite shows growing up.
@Kerry I still have a thing for Officer Malloy after all these years…
Truffle fries, truffle fries! Lol. As a french fry connoisseur, to have not served the fries with the burger is wrong, wrong, wrong. In all seriousness, Anastasia has bitten off more than she can chew. Joao a douche, like a dollar tree douche. He is so judgemental. He couldn’t suppress asshole Joao any longer.
Dollar tree douche 🤣
I still believe the main reason Joao is being SUCH a douche is because NONE of the girls want him. Even the most free spirited wild happy one…so he wants to dim her light by slut shaming her. Even worse when you know she was raped so her positive attitude is even more impressive.
That’s actually what makes his behavior so reprehensible because he’s slut shamming her, actually whore shaming her and then he tries to justify it by suggesting that there’s something in her background that’s probably the cause of the whoreish behavior he ever so justifiably calling out. He knows damn well she was raped so it’s complete bs that he pulls that out to use against her. She was raped through no fault of her own, but He’s the a-hat who’s attempting to rape her emotionally after the fact because he apparently has no impulse control over his controlling nature. I just burns my taint when I see people trying to control other’s behavior like he tried to do to her in this episode. This is actually worse than Jack’s treatment of Kimi as he tells her he likes her and that’s why he’s controlling her heinous sin of putting her own personal partially consumed shaker in the fridge. Because while Jack is in all likelihood a racist prick he wasn’t suggesting a previous rape is most probably the cause of her “whoreish” ways.
Less buttsex would help your taint. 🙂 😛
LOL too funny.
@ForumDude YES – could not agree more about Joao’s creepy rationalization.
Mt favorite scene this week was when the big guy saw the slide for the 1st time. Love it when an adult can connect to his inner child.
I totally agree. That was adorable. ” A slide! a slide! Too cute
Hell, even McDonald’s, with its barely-over-18 fry cooks can get the fries out with the burgers. This chef farce has gone on for far too long. Sandy (no honorific) should be given a plate at the same time as the guests for quality control. June keeps taking the earpiece out, that’s why she can’t hear. When they did the no-response countdown on WWHL — I think it was 18 — I didn’t see the earpiece on any of the images. I keep thinking of Capt. Lee’s emergency drill. Sandy needs to do one. No response and drunk response = no more Sirocco. SOS, MAYDAY, MAYDAY! BEN, BEN, HANNAH!
Yeah, but I mean that galley looks the smallest of any of the yachts they’ve shown so far, and she was using what looked like a three quart fryer for a lot of fries, but the thing that stood out to me is where it was on the counter in a tight space next to the burners. Looks like it was a choice between one before the other and she she had already heard complaints about cold food. But I do agree that I want both together. She could have tempered their expectations by explaining she was having issues with the fryer and it might take a little longer for the fries, but she’s really young that probably never occurred to her.
Thanks for all you do Dalai Lama. I always look forward to your weekly synopsis! I am sorry that you are going through “the hell that is dementia.” My mom started with symptoms when she was 55 years old and lived to 71. It was a horrible thing to watch her go through and it sucks the life out of the caregiver. Hugs your way my friend!
@8isEnough Thanks for the hugs! And thanks for reading and commenting. xo
June seems to be all ears when it comes to gathering for the tip meeting.
Took care of my mother for almost 15 years with dementia. It is a daily struggle & grueling. Be sure to get as much help with her care as possible. It’s an impossible task to do on your own. This is the time to remember to take good care of yourself. Taking care of a loved one with dementia is never easy. Sending you thoughts & many prayers. As always great recap.
@marc That is a LONG time. And you are right on all points. Thank you, friend. xo
I hate how over produced these shows are. Production needs to at least give the guests better lines for their food complaints than, “This is too cold.” No one complains about cold pasta on a yacht. They are in the water on a hot summer’s day. Please make my food hotter is not a normal complaint. Especially across multiple groups of guests. Also the June not turning on her radio storyline is ridiculous. Surely enough real things happen without all this other nonsense.
I love this group. Just like Dalai Mama their bright shirts were amazing. I wasn’t expecting that from accountants! He guy who was freaking out about the slide was adorable. Jet ski guys deserved to be grounded.
Travis is a messy drunk, it makes me sad because he’s a great guys besides that. Colin is my favorite though. I love that guy! Aesha is so damn positive and smiling that I can’t help but love her scenes. Bring me Ben!
Please please please, Colin don’t leave! We love you! Please have these snip its of Colin alluding to leave just be a teaser by production, but not true! Colin is EVERYTHING! He is so enjoyable I can’t imagine the show without him! Please Colly Wolly, don’t leave us!
Came down here to comment after reading the word dementia. Oh yes, I did. It sucked, but some stuff that sucked is funny now. My Mom was very smart, and it was hard too see her be “not quite with us.” And, she seemed afraid sometimes because she did not know who we were sometimes or what was going on. And, sometimes she was very lucid. She was only 68 when she died. Just do the best you can, and remember self care too. It is an exhausting , but also remarkably rewarding experience to take care of a parent. Now two funny things. 1) Mom was a frequent flyer in the E/R and with 911 in general. She gleefully sexually harassed firemen, policemen, and doctors, and got away with it by playing the little old lady card. She would talk about them in graphic detail, and often manually “checked” on their abs, glutes, and biceps. 2) In conjunction with the whole being out to lunch thing my Mom would often tell me what a freaking bossy pain in the ass BnCtrKiki is without realizing who I was, allegedly.
@BnCtrKiki You are awesome. My mother thinks she has a “younger person” working for her that she calls The Brat. Pretty sure it’s me. xoxo
Great recap! And yes I too have a parent with dementia, my mom started getting it about 4 years ago. And one piece of advice I wish I had gotten or received back then was to add me/my sister to my moms bank account while she was still able to agree to it. Even tho we have power of attorney now using her account to pay bills is a hassle. She lives in a nice facility but it does cost $9,000 a month.
@Liz P Fortunately we did that early, and my brother the financial whiz deals with all of that. Reading “The 36-Hour Day” is also crucial. Lots of important info there, no punches pulled.
You are in my thoughts and prayers Dalai Mama! I work in a memory care facility. I do the activities. It’s been hands down my favorite job I’ve ever had. My mom took care of my grandfather when he was diagnosed with alzheimers and it was both difficult and at the same time a really great bonding experience for them.
I’m so sorry you are going through this and I will pray for your family. I love your recaps with all my heart and I treasure every word you write.
Sending good thoughts, hugs and prayers to you and your family. Being a caretaker is such a hard job. Take as many minutes as you can.
Great recap. I thought Joao was so mean I couldn’t believe it. Is he saying it was his Mom’s fault too? Seriously, if Travis was taken advantage of because he was drunk was that ok? I just don’t get these people. Andy Cohen is probably head over heals with Joao. Handsome, fit and misogynistic to boot! The total package.
I can’t believe the change in Anastasia or maybe the coming to truth moment of her. She is just crazy in love with herself. That being said, I never found Ben’s food to be terrible exotic or interesting. He basically seemed like a basic chef to me. I must be forgetting lots of stuff because I know he never impressed me. Not that he needs to. We will never meet.
I really do like Captain Sandy but she is thirsty for that camera huh? She has her hands in everything! Doesn’t seem like Captain Lee was so involved in the galley.
According to the above comments, you like the new ‘guests,” and you are all on that females side, and you think Joao is wrong, and mean!! Well in my opinion, the new “guests” are obnoxious, Joao is spot on, and that female should go to Nevada and work in one of the “Ranches” there!!!
@Cheryse Jag tror att du är på fel blogg, vän! Prova en annan kanal.
Is it normal for guests to reference 5 star service over and over? 🙄
Dalai Mama I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Don’t forget to take time for yourself.
I am already so over Anastasia. She’s not a chef and barely qualifies as a line cook. Go away! Joao seemed to have changed his ways from last season until we see he was just hiding it. Why is he hiding behind stories about his mom to insult Aesha? I really thought he had changed and answered a tweet to him and told him he was doing so well, or something like that. After this episode aired and I saw what a dick he still is he retweeted my remark. Please. I was really thinking that June was possibly pregnant when she first arrived. Just a feeling I had and when she was on WWHL with Colly she wore all dark clothes so I still couldn’t tell. I just think she is deep in her thoughts. One last thing.If Joao would have showed 1/10th of interest in Hannah she would have been all over that. She’s not fooling anyone
TT- have you seen the 30 second videos of Colin’s episode recap raps? Colin is so talented! I just can’t get enough Colin!