by Dalai Mama
On tonight’s Below Deck Med recap we pick up at the nightclub where June has just hurled into a garbage can. Hannah and Travis start canoodling a little. “There will be no feelings this season,” she declares resolutely in her talking head. The producer points out that she and Travis just made out. “That’s not a feeling,” Hannah maintains. June returns to the table and ignores Colin’s attempts at making small talk. She looks half-baked.
In the van on the way back to Sirocco, Aesha and Jack indulge in a little facial spelunking, which leads Jack to decide it would be a hilarious moment to make a joke about rape. As a result, we hear a quiet protest from Aesha, “Don’t joke about rape, because I was raped.” This is utterly horrifying. I will give Jack credit for the fact that he appears genuinely flattened by Aesha’s statement and remorseful for his poor taste in humor. He is still beating himself up about it the next morning, which he should be. One gets the feeling Jack won’t be making that mistake again.
Aesha shares a little about her experience in her talking head. She just wants to educate people, and its working. Jack is genuinely distraught.
Joao indiscreetly questions both Hannah and Travis about the extent of their lip on lip activity the night before. Joao is sulky. “Hannah deserves more,” he states. We are to presume that in this case “more” means Joao. Ew.
Next, it’s time for the incoming guest meeting. The primary is a baseball star who has won the World Series with two different teams. Anastasia thinks a baseball star is gonna be easy pickings after the Queen of Versailles.
Meanwhile, a “Black Water Alert” alarm is going off on the boat. In my personal experience, black water is never a good thing unless you are one of the Manzos. The engineer is off duty, and Travis and Jack are lying in their bunks giggling and drinking beer. This does not go over well with Sandy, who orders them to deal with it, and mutters, “Enough. Jesus Christ.”
She discovers Jack peering into some kind of fuse box and begins lighting into him. I have a large supply of dubious adjectives to stick to Jack, but I’m honestly not getting what he did to inspire Sandy’s ire in this instance.
This is strange. Hannah seeks out Sandy to make sure she’s not stressed. “I just want to make sure you know that we’re gonna be fine.” There’s a bizaarre second when Sandy just looks at her, then she glances toward the camera for a split second before opening her arms and saying, “Oh my god. Hannah. That is so sweet. Give me a hug.” What is going on with the Captain-Stew dynamic here? This is downright odd.
Meanwhile, Anastasia continues to discuss herself as if she’s just taken a Jordan Belfort Confidence Seminar. She has passion and skill and raw eggs or something. “I know how to make food tasty,” she says to Joao, who is practically squirming in his seat. “Sweet,” he responds. I’m not sure if that is an endorsement or a suggestion.
Colin says for some reason he finds it hard to talk to June. “I don’t know why.” I do, Colin! Let’s take this example at the laundry machine. June asks Colin if he had wanted her to toss some of his stuff into the dryer. “Yes,” Colin says. “You’re so weird,” June drawls.
Aesha and Jack Sittin’ in a Tree
“Captain Sandy’s losing her shit,” pronounces Jack, forcing me to agree with him once again. Getting ready for his date with Aesha, he puts on a kind of jaunty three-piece suit and brushes his teeth with abandon.
Dammitall, the boy looks adorable. I am shipping Aesha and Jack so hard we are listing to port. Truly, I haven’t been this enthusiastic about a Below Deck Med relationship since Ben and Ems. (Last I heard, they got back together in 2018 and are still together. Is it true? What have y’all heard?)
Joao glowers in his talking head. “I can’t control people’s personal lives. But if it was me, I’d lay low because of the mistake I’d made,” he mewls. What mistake? Isn’t this the same man who derided Aesha for “slutting it up”? By Joao’s logic, he ought to be lying so low he’s eating ocean floor. Meanwhile, Hannah has nowhere to go since she date-fired Travis for having a beer before 5pm. Travis, gert bless him, puts on his date outfit anyway and goes to find Hannah.
Thank the stars, Hannah decides not to continue punishing Travis for the Great Barley Pop Transgression, and she snuggles up to him and they have a lovely Instagram moment.
Meanwhile, in the galley, Brooke attempts to chat with Colin and Joao. “Idinnahave nah bregfist nah dinnahave nah dinner.” She simply cannot enunciate. Has her tongue gotten trapped under something heavy?
Jet Ski Malfunction
The deckies are kind of star struck at the approach of Ball Man. “Don’t freak out don’t freak out” Joao whispers breathlessly. The primary approaches, preceded by his bulging triceps.
The water gets choppy, and Joao and Colin try to get the jet ski on board themselves, but the waves are too rough. Ball Man brings his bulging triceps and helps the Colin haul the thing out. Which I am sorry to say, I rather enjoyed watching.
The guests aren’t happy with dinner, because the meat is undercooked. One by one, the plates go back to the kitchen for More Cookin’.
June kvetches to Colin about how no one likes her. “I dropped my life for them,” she bleats. “I treat people with respect and expect to be treated the same.” Okay, file June under “Unable to Distinguish Between Acting and Working”.
Back on deck, Colins seems to have broken the boat again. The boat is breaking a LOT. Joao and Travis are going to have to dive down under the boat to find out what the anchor chain is snagged on. Jack doesn’t like that idea at all. He thinks they’re not getting paid enough to risk their lives.
A Death in the Family
I can’t close without addressing the terrible news. For those of you who didn’t see Tamara’s post about it last night, Captain Lee’s son has died of an overdose. It is unspeakably devastating. Tamara knows Lee, so please read her post, which provides a few details and a statement from Captain Lee and Mary Anne Rosbach. RIP Joshua Lee Rosbach. May flights of angels sing him to his rest. Since Josh loved animals, the family has asked that in lieu of flowers donations in Josh’s memory be made to the Humane Society of Broward County. (https://humanebroward.com/donate-old/honor-memorial-donation/)
Next week on Below Deck Med: Bravo has posted a mid-season trailer, in which it appears that Anastasia is not going to remain chef for the entire season. We only hear two words from the new chef, but he sure sounds a lot like Ben Robinson.