Well, Sunday Funday and the last weekend of July has come to an end. It’s time for Sunday night’s triple recap night. Which begins of course with the RHOP Recap. Tonight, it turns out that despite being at a large party, absolutely no one saw the butt grab. It was not captured on security cameras or Bravo cameras. So the prosecutor found to evidence of a crime and the cameraman’s charges were dismissed. So YAY! End of Butt Grab Gate! Everyone apologizes for being dicks! And we move on to other things. Right? Nope. Not a chance.
We start with all the ladies still talking as if Michael did something wrong. Only Monique seems to give a damn about Ashley at this point. Messy ole Gizelle pops a bowl of popcorn and settles in to watch Ashley and Michael on the morning news. Michael says he did bump into the cameraman trying to get back outside. The cameraman said something to him like “don’t do that” and that was it. Gizelle says, “So something did happen!.” Sigh.
Monique Brings The Receipts
The next day, Monique and Ashley meet to talk about how Ashley and Michael are doing. Ashley says she knows the group is going to keep talking about it. But she is surprised by how much they want it to be true. Monique shows Candiace texts to her where Candiance was laughing about the entire thing and claiming she saw it happen. Just last week Candiace was asking if any of them saw anything go down. No one did. Including Candiace. This little girl needs to mind her business,.
Katie Brings The Crazy
I am skipping over the fillers scenes tonight because I have a lot to get to. So no Karen crying about her parents. And I was going to skip over Robyn’s makeup party at her place, until Krazy Katie arrived. Every look of Katie’s this season seems like a disguise. Its really bizarre. Katie offers up herself as the third in a threesome with Robyn and Juan for his 40th birthday. Because Katie is off the chain insane. Then Katie says that Michael told her boyfriend, Jacob that when he called him, he should pick up on his private line. What does that even mean? He would pick up on whatever number Michael was given to call. Of course, Robyn and Gizelle think this is damning evidence.
How does Macy Gray get stuck in a scene with Karen and her daughter. Karen thinks her daughter sings like an angel. She does not. Luann de Lesseps has a better voice.
Chris and Monique talk about Ashley and Michael in a very supportive way. They are the only ones showing any support at all.
Juan’s Birthday Party is Creep In So Many Ways
On the ride over, Michael talks to Ashley about how the false allegations have effected his business. The party is in some sort of haunted forests with bonfires and creepy people wandering around. Gizelle goes straight after Ashley and Michael.
Then Candiace and Chris come to pile on to the posse. Michael and Ashley head off on their own to check out the crazy creatures. I mean, the other crazy creatures, not the housewives. Juan gives Michael a genuine welcome to his party. Juan thanks everyone for coming individually. He’s such a good host.
I would not enjoy this party. Not one bit. Karen Huger flipped off this clown. This is my favorite clown ever.
Afterward, there is a barn party. Of course all the ladies come for Ashley. Of course, Candiace is the biggest asshole about it. It mystifies me that so few of these idiots have no shame in constantly questioning Michael’s sexuality.
It’s as if they don’t understand that even if he is bisexual, that should not be the only thing they talk about all season. It makes them all look like horrible people. Sadly for Ashley, Monique and Chris could not attend as she was hosting another event. Allegedly. Maybe she just didn’t want to be a part this garbage.
The Pack of Wolves Descends on Ashley
How does Gizelle not know what to say to people in the streets who ask her about her friend’s husband. A friend would know not to say anything about her friend’s situation. Monique is the only one treating Ashley as a friend. Gizelle says in her talking head that Monique has the footage of the incident. These are the kinds of statements that Bravo is referring to in their contracts when they say they can’t sue each other for libel and defamation based on the show. I wonder if Michael has that in his release. Because, Gizelle deserves a lawsuit for that statement.
In other news, Ashley is suffering from postpartum after the birth of her son Dean three weeks ago. She says that Micheal has been working from home so that he can help out. They are a cute happy little family.
Juan enjoyed his birthday. No one questioned his sexuality. Gizelle was shocked that the guys hung out with Micheal and talked about sports. No mention of the allegations. Because guys are guys and not going to gossip endlessly over nothing.
They actually end the show with more of the bitches basically saying Micheal was guilty of butt-grabbing.
Then at the end they show unseen production footage of Micheal walking past the guy, saying hello and giggling. The cameraman says, “Please don’t do that.” Micheal replies, “Okay, no problem.” Then later, there is footage of the cameraman calling out to “Mike” and Michael saying, “I didn’t touch your butt” and then telling the cameraman to come get a beer with him. So, I guess that is production saying it happened. So this will be the neverending story of the season. I’m bored with it already.
On next weeks RHOP Recap, Candiace pretends she is buying a $2.5 million house, Monique’s water breaks, Ashley tracks down her father.