Are y’all ready for another MAFS Recap? It appears I have two different recordings of this show one is 88 minutes and one is 99 minutes. I have no idea what is going on but between this show and Dance Moms I am about ready to stop recording both of them. They both send dozens of three to five minute ads for the show that are picked up as new episodes and cause all sorts of problems to the shows I have to recap each night.
Let’s see what we have on this recording of the show where they all wake up together in Antigua. Specifically, they are at the Pineapple Beach Club in Antigua. This is a really expensive resort. I know this because on Kelly & Ryan they give away trips and most are around $10K for a week. I remember this resort being on of the prizes. For that money I would go to Saint Lucia again. Sidenote: I just realized I pulled the wrong tags. I was using last seasons tags. It looks like a lot more of you watched last season than this season. I blame that on the fact I can’t recap until the weekend. Sorry.
The four couples get together for a husbands against the wives volleyball game. After words the wives talk privately. As do the husbands.
The wives are all happy with their matches. Amber says Matt is perfect. She admits they had sex the first night of their honeymoon. Deonna says Greg is “very respectable.” Elizabeth say they are already talking about matching tattoos… of lips on each others butt cheeks. Iris shares she is a virgin.
The guys are a bit more freaked out. Matt says things are going really well. Keith lets the guys know that Iris is a virgin. Greg shares that Deonna hasn’t dated in ten years.
Matt & Amber
Welp, these two consummated their marriage on their first night. I figured they would. They seem like a great match despite the ginormous height difference.
It’s amazing that these two have so much in common. They get up on day two and go work out on the beach. Then they go to devil’s bridge. It’s really beautiful. I like this trip the best. This are perfect this week, but next week Matt has some news to share.
Greg & Deonna
I do not get why the “experts” and I use the term loosely matched Greg with Deonna. He deserves better. She clearly has a ton of baggage. I don’t see this going anywhere, but I’d love to be proven wrong. I love seeing couples in love. Especially old people you can tell have been together for many decades. Deonna is in paradise complaining about the song birds, the sun, and her husband who gives her too many compliments. Can he just get a refund on this Debbie Downer? Obviously, these two haven’t done the deed yet.
Later, Deonna wants to play shuffleboard. Neither of them have ever played before. Greg wants to read the directions but Deonna just wants to start playing. I this girl for real? If I was 259 years younger, I’d slide right into Greg’s DMs when this is over. The script says they have to share a concern with each other. Greg says that his is the fact she has not been in a relationship for ten years. She doesn’t share any concerns. She is saving them up for one big explosive fight that is looming on the beautiful horizon.
Greg and Deonna go zip-lining. Greg is terrified of the whole idea. You don’t want to see your man terrified too early in the relationship. The crazy chick is raring to go. Of course. It’s a pretty short zipline as they go. But he did it. Oh! The reason it wasn’t that long was it is the practice one. There are twelve more to go. And they are no joke! Poor Greg.
That night they go to the beach with a blanket and a bottle of champagne under the full moon. Greg tried to loosen her up, but well…Deonna.
Jamie & Elizabeth
I’m not sure who got the short end of the stick here. They are both nutbags in different ways. Perhaps their nuttiness will harmonize. We shall see. In a burst of TMI, Elizabeth let’s us know that no sex happened because she got her period.
After the girls met up, Elizabeth went back to the hotel room to take a shower and get ready for lunch. She waited on Jamie for two hours but he never showed up. So she went to lunch by herself. This causes their first big fight. The fact that Jamie didn’t go to look for his wife is really bad sign. But they quickly reconcile. So that’s a good sign.
These two have dinner together in a private gazebo and talk about getting their new apartment. And how they don’t have to keep score in marriage about who does what for another. Then Jamie says he doesn’t think he wants kids. Ut Oh. She says she doesn’t either. They both told the experts they wanted kids but in a few years. Maybe these two crazy kids will work it out. But I’m on the fence about them.
Beth set up a bubble bath for the two of them. Jamie was super impressed. The maids may have a mess in the morning. IJS.
Keith & Iris
I love these two. After the volleyball game, and lunch they both tell each other something about the other they are learning to adjust to. Basically, they both say one thing that irritates them about the other. Iris says she feels like Keith spends too much time on his phone. He disagrees but doesn’t say so to her. He tell her that she is a very perky person in the morning and he needs time to get going. She doesn’t like that but tells us she will accommodate him.
These two go swimming with stingrays. I don’t see the appeal to this activity. What if the stringray makes you spill your banana daiquiri? They seemed to like it though, and they are both good swimmers. I don’t have to be a good swimmer. Because, fat floats.
That night they have a romantic dinner for two on the beach. Iris explains the many utensils on the table. Keith is impressed by her classy side. Then they swing in a hammock and look at the moon and talk. Keith finds out that Iris has probably done most everything but actual intercourse.
On Next Week’s MAFS Recap…
Beth says it’s love at first sight for her. When Keith goes to wipe something off Iris’s leg while walking, his wedding ring flies off into the sand! Matt tells Amber he may want to play another season of basketball overseas. She’s not thrilled. Deonna finds out that Greg was engaged before. She is not happy. All four couples go on a boat excursion and hit rough seas. Beth loses her mind. Can’t we all just be happy through this sort little honeymoon?