This Southern Charm Recap almost didn’t happen. My DVR didn’t even mention the episode. It showed the 8 pm glorified rerun as the only new show. So I fully enjoyed a long night of Big Brother. I shall endeavor to watch this episode with very low expectations. It is too hot to think too much. I shall be having my dinner, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio Pistachio the minute this post goes up.
Chelsea and Austen are tasked with a fishing scene with no bait and only one functional fishing pole. It’s kind of appropriate because they are going to discuss Austen and Madison’s dysfunctional relationship. The problem is we don’t really care about this relationship. We were introduced to it as the chaotic ending. We really don’t care one way or the other if they breakup or get married next Tuesday. Chelsea seems to be trying to encourage Austen to confront Shep about all the horrible things that come out of his mushmouth about Madison. Especially, the white trash comment. Chelsea encourages him to put some distance between him and Shep. Austen admits he’s still pining for Madison
White Trash & Rednecks
Cameran’s job is to notice some hooker boots on Shep’s floor when she comes to pick him up to take him to the breeder to get his dog. On the way there, she also gets Shep to admit he made the white trash comment. He says he doesn’t hate her he just doesn’t think she behavior in the relationship with Austen was appropriate. Because Shep is the arbiter of proper behavior. And, Shep doesn’t want to be around rednecks.
Little Craig is adorable. He’s almost as cute as Big Craig.
What Does Zen Smell Like?
Naomie and Kathryn go to see some whackadoodle hypnotherapist. Naomie wants to work on being a better person. I hope she signed up for a multiple session discount. Because, that will take a while. Oh look, we get a montage of Naomie being a bitch to everyone. As the therapist gives her positive affirmations therapy to the the girls, Kathryn cries. Afterward, Naomie feels great. Kathryn is still crying. She said no one ever says positive thing to her. After having to deal with Thomas calling her vile names for years, this hypnotherapist would be good for her.
Naomie talks to Kathryn about Craig texting her with a question about a museum they went to in Europe. Naomie says she doesn’t want to be disrespectful to Metul by still talking to her ex. Although, that makes perfect sense, I know that it is Metul who is enforcing this rule. And it is Metul that forbid her to go on the Colorado trip. And, Naomie was punished by production for not going. If you missed that spoiler click here.
Big Craig Meets Little Craig
Shep needs to take professional photos with Little Craig. It’s weird but apparently it was such an occasion to Shep that he put on clean clothes and washed his hair. Big Craig shows up to meet him and get in on some photos.
They chat about Cameran and her upcoming 35th Birthday party at her house. It’s going to be an oyster roast in her backyard. Shep says that Cameran has always been lame. Because if you mention a female around Shep, he will insult her. They briefly hint about going on a big, fun trip. They are all buddy buddy like the last trip didn’t even happen. I think Craig should put it in his contract that if he has to film with Shep, his episode rate needs to be higher. Then of course they complain about Austen still liking Madison. The photos came out great!
Kathryn drops by to see Danni before Cameran’s birthday party. Danni went horseback riding with Eliza and she tells her that she doesn’t understand why Kathryn doesn’t like her. I’d count the many reasons but I may be suffering from heat stroke and am trying not to over exert myself.
It’s time for Cameran’s birthday party. She’s freaking out because she is 35. She is drinking like a fish before anyone even gets there. Chelsea brought her a birthday cake that says “halfway to 70” and some earrings. Eliza shows up with her boyfriend. Ugh. He is 14 years older than she is. Every seems to know Eliza’s boyfriend Jon. Shep brings little Craig and some random guy named Tony.
Austen arrives with two cases of beer. Craig is going to arrive with an issue with Austen. Apparently, he took Chelsea’s advice to back off the drunken nights with Shep and didn’t come to meet them at the bar the night before. Austen shouts to Chelsea across the yard that he was home by 10:50 the night before. This is the signal to Craig that the fight can begin. And it does. And it’s stupid. Naomie trashes Craig to Austen.
By the time Kathryn and Danni show up, Cameran is on her seventh or eighth drink. And she is falling down. Shep tells Cameran that he wants to take her on a weekend trip to Colorado. Cameran says she is married with a kid and can’t do that sort of thing anymore. But we all know she goes. Everyone is invited. Because, all cast. Naomie reveals to the group she doesn’t want to go. But we all know that is not true. It’s Metul that didn’t want her on an overnight trip with Craig. He seems really controlling and insecure.
After most everyone leaves, drunk Cameran tells Craig that Naomie isn’t going on the trip because of him. She may be drunk, but she’s right on script. Craig says the reason Naomie isn’t going is because there was never a resolution to their relationship. They never closed things. Kathryn agrees with Craig. Craig cant handle the conversation and blows up on Cameran and storms off.
Topics for next week’s Southern Charm Recap include, Kathryn, Austen and Chelsea take a ballet lesson, Ashley Jacobs shows up at Eliza’s event at the plantation and insults Patricia to Whitney’s face. Everyone calls Ashley out.