This Southern Charm Recap almost didn’t happen. My DVR didn’t even mention the episode. It showed the 8 pm glorified rerun as the only new show. So I fully enjoyed a long night of Big Brother. I shall endeavor to watch this episode with very low expectations. It is too hot to think too much. I shall be having my dinner, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Pistachio Pistachio the minute this post goes up.
Chelsea and Austen are tasked with a fishing scene with no bait and only one functional fishing pole. It’s kind of appropriate because they are going to discuss Austen and Madison’s dysfunctional relationship. The problem is we don’t really care about this relationship. We were introduced to it as the chaotic ending. We really don’t care one way or the other if they breakup or get married next Tuesday. Chelsea seems to be trying to encourage Austen to confront Shep about all the horrible things that come out of his mushmouth about Madison. Especially, the white trash comment. Chelsea encourages him to put some distance between him and Shep. Austen admits he’s still pining for Madison
White Trash & Rednecks
Cameran’s job is to notice some hooker boots on Shep’s floor when she comes to pick him up to take him to the breeder to get his dog. On the way there, she also gets Shep to admit he made the white trash comment. He says he doesn’t hate her he just doesn’t think she behavior in the relationship with Austen was appropriate. Because Shep is the arbiter of proper behavior. And, Shep doesn’t want to be around rednecks.
Little Craig is adorable. He’s almost as cute as Big Craig.
What Does Zen Smell Like?
Naomie and Kathryn go to see some whackadoodle hypnotherapist. Naomie wants to work on being a better person. I hope she signed up for a multiple session discount. Because, that will take a while. Oh look, we get a montage of Naomie being a bitch to everyone. As the therapist gives her positive affirmations therapy to the the girls, Kathryn cries. Afterward, Naomie feels great. Kathryn is still crying. She said no one ever says positive thing to her. After having to deal with Thomas calling her vile names for years, this hypnotherapist would be good for her.
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Naomie talks to Kathryn about Craig texting her with a question about a museum they went to in Europe. Naomie says she doesn’t want to be disrespectful to Metul by still talking to her ex. Although, that makes perfect sense, I know that it is Metul who is enforcing this rule. And it is Metul that forbid her to go on the Colorado trip. And, Naomie was punished by production for not going. If you missed that spoiler click here.
Big Craig Meets Little Craig
Shep needs to take professional photos with Little Craig. It’s weird but apparently it was such an occasion to Shep that he put on clean clothes and washed his hair. Big Craig shows up to meet him and get in on some photos.
They chat about Cameran and her upcoming 35th Birthday party at her house. It’s going to be an oyster roast in her backyard. Shep says that Cameran has always been lame. Because if you mention a female around Shep, he will insult her. They briefly hint about going on a big, fun trip. They are all buddy buddy like the last trip didn’t even happen. I think Craig should put it in his contract that if he has to film with Shep, his episode rate needs to be higher. Then of course they complain about Austen still liking Madison. The photos came out great!
Eliza Who?
Kathryn drops by to see Danni before Cameran’s birthday party. Danni went horseback riding with Eliza and she tells her that she doesn’t understand why Kathryn doesn’t like her. I’d count the many reasons but I may be suffering from heat stroke and am trying not to over exert myself.
It’s time for Cameran’s birthday party. She’s freaking out because she is 35. She is drinking like a fish before anyone even gets there. Chelsea brought her a birthday cake that says “halfway to 70” and some earrings. Eliza shows up with her boyfriend. Ugh. He is 14 years older than she is. Every seems to know Eliza’s boyfriend Jon. Shep brings little Craig and some random guy named Tony.
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Austen arrives with two cases of beer. Craig is going to arrive with an issue with Austen. Apparently, he took Chelsea’s advice to back off the drunken nights with Shep and didn’t come to meet them at the bar the night before. Austen shouts to Chelsea across the yard that he was home by 10:50 the night before. This is the signal to Craig that the fight can begin. And it does. And it’s stupid. Naomie trashes Craig to Austen.
By the time Kathryn and Danni show up, Cameran is on her seventh or eighth drink. And she is falling down. Shep tells Cameran that he wants to take her on a weekend trip to Colorado. Cameran says she is married with a kid and can’t do that sort of thing anymore. But we all know she goes. Everyone is invited. Because, all cast. Naomie reveals to the group she doesn’t want to go. But we all know that is not true. It’s Metul that didn’t want her on an overnight trip with Craig. He seems really controlling and insecure.
After most everyone leaves, drunk Cameran tells Craig that Naomie isn’t going on the trip because of him. She may be drunk, but she’s right on script. Craig says the reason Naomie isn’t going is because there was never a resolution to their relationship. They never closed things. Kathryn agrees with Craig. Craig cant handle the conversation and blows up on Cameran and storms off.
Topics for next week’s Southern Charm Recap include, Kathryn, Austen and Chelsea take a ballet lesson, Ashley Jacobs shows up at Eliza’s event at the plantation and insults Patricia to Whitney’s face. Everyone calls Ashley out.
Ashley on the plantation ; going to skip watching then. Thanks for the heads up. Will read you recap. Please slaughter that parasite like only you can. Purple pen , please.
I don’t think Cameran is nearly as cute as she thinks she is.
She’s so phony & fake. Next season she’ll see a therapist because she doesn’t want more kids & then the following she’ll have another baby. Women wish she had her problems. Why is Noami still on this show? She was Craig’s gf & they broke up. She owes her reality tv career to Craig. This cast has become insufferable. They are no longer cute & endearing
I love Chelsea more and more each episode. Such a poetic moment when she asked Austen how Shep has been a good friend to him. And the halfway to 70 cake was amazing.
I also feel your pain TT. Our ac is inefficient (my husbands ego wont let me call it broken) and it’s 86 degrees in our house right now. Combine that with the extreme panting of our scared dogs, it’s disgusting in our house.
This whole Austin and Madison and Shep storyline is ridiculous. There’s nothing of Madison’s background to invest in so why should we care? Just because it’s Austin’s main squeeze doesn’t add to it because he’s never been that interesting to begin with. And Shep’s issues with the whole thing just shows how out of touch he is. I doubt he’d hold on to his dislike of her the white trash hairstylist if he had to tell Patricia what he thinks of Madison.
I think we are getting Madison via Patricia…and then Austin…ugg for the Austin…he just gives me skin skivvies…yuck…so yeah
I am sure the reckoning with Shep will come from Patricia. She needs something other than the fake drive thru scenes and artichoke dishes to keep her relevant. I am trying to remember if the show was still filming when she decided to punch down and sue K Cooper Ray. I am pretty sure it wasn’t. I think she just needed attention. Or maybe she doesn’t understand that the Internet is not always a king place. Hell, if I sued everyone who defamed me online, I’d be in court for the rest of my life.
Patricia has always wanted to BE K Cooper Ray. He’s a party planner, a bon vivant, and his parties made hers look like a junior high school dance. He’s a true southerner. But he’s also a POS white male who mocks rape victims and sides with sexual predators… So.. there’s that.
Didn’t know that about Cooper. My opinion of him has considerably diminished. TT, I’m a big fan and it bugs me to hear trolls using this forum to bash you.
I haven’t heard that he bashes me. He bashes Nanny Dawn. He pals around with Thomas to this day and defends him. It’s horrible. My position is that he is like my favorite brother who is doing bad things. I don’t know how to reconcile the two… sigh.
He made a comment after Thomas went ballistic at his own dinner party a few seasons back where he told Thomas his crazy behavior was beneath his Charlestonian lineage. And the founders ball. Coop is just interested in “social climbing” or looking for name recognition if he is latching on to the Ravael crazy train.
I don’t follow anyone other than you regarding TV commentary but in the last couple of weeks you mentioned people bad mouthing you and it pisses me off.
It doesn’t piss me off. It just means they are jealous. I get eleventy billion emails a day telling me how wrong I am about things. But I KNOW who my sources are. So, it’s nothing.
Now when they come for my READERS? That makes me PSYCHO.
Shep’s Mother still talks to him like he is 12. But, then again Shep hasn’t evolved much past that.
Shep is such a boring character on this show. It’s like three seasons now that the only storyline they can come up with is him buying something. Enough.
His only storyline is irritating Craig, looking down on others, and of course the boozing and one night stands. That got old fast.
I am still over Cameron talking about annoying motherhood is when she has family to help her, a big beautiful house, and a shit ton of money. And she is a freaking size 0! I mean how do us poor regular people manage to raise children? And, somehow, I think I just might be happier than her.
This is one of the reasons I haven’t watched. I work full time and raise a baby. I am lucky to have a supportive helpful husband and A really good daycare so I try not to complain.
I don’t think I could even deal with watching her complain about it for one minute.
I just can’t watch without feeling so frustrated. her feelings are valid for her and not my place to judge but she has NO idea how hard life can be. I’ve had it BOTH ways and damn she couldn’t last one day with real world struggles
being a mom is emotionally and physically exhausting no matter how big your house is or how much money you have. why is cameran not allowed to talk about that when that is her experience?
It it even more exhausting when you are poor.
JMO but I didn’t find motherhood emotionally or physically exhausting. I found it fulfilling and frankly, a blast. But I have always wanted to be a mom and had a great situation. I worked part time, had a supportive husband and extended family, and enough money. Cameran has all of these things plus a LOT more money. I consider myself (and her) very lucky compared to many and I hate that she whines and carries on. It’s an insult to everyone who struggles to raise kids and put food on the table without any help.
I think Cameron is a prime example of what happens to women who don’t want children give into pressure (family, spouse, societal) and have children anyway. I empathize with her, but I’m not a mom and I can see how her seemingly complaining about motherhood is annoying, she is wealthy and on tv and can afford help.
On the other hand her husband is a doctor and is never home, that can add a lot of stress too. So yeah, being a mom is super hard work props to all those that do it! 🙂
I agree. Cam had stated repeatedly for years that she didn’t want children but she gave in and now is really struggling. I’m sure she’s doing the best she can. How many times have we heard “if a man tells you who he is, believe him”. Pressuring a man into anything doesn’t make him compliant, it makes him miserable. Why should it be any different for women? I feel for her. Not everyone wants children and society should be ok with that.
so according to Cam’s after show comments on Bravo…”Tony” seems like Shep’s personal Assisstant and is becoming the REAL caregiver of that precious new puppy so that is good news for me. Shep is too much of an ALLEGED whore dog and I was worried that puppy might be ignored during Shep’s ALLEGED continual rut seasons.
WAIT, what did you type?! Shep has a “personal Assistant”? WTF, why, he does NOTHING to warrant a personal assistant. This was one of my most favorite Bravo shows, but the last 2 years has made me hate “reality tv”. Haymaker has turned it into something this viewer hates.
hahahaha! I swear to god that is what Cam said…!
I’m hearing whispers that Shep’s “friend Tony” is actually Shep’s “minder.” Shep might call him a personal assistant but in reality, he’s more like Shep’s babysitter, making sure Shep shows up when and where he’s supposed to be, and making sure that Shep does what he’s supposed to do. (Like show up on time for filming, and remembering to feed his dog, etc.)
That makes sense, but whatever Tony is being paid is not enough. Now that I think about it Craig the dog kind of disappeared and didn’t Shep leave without him? Tony must have taken him home.
I saw both Elvis and LC in other peoples’ arms after dark. Because the dogs are the only ones I care about.
I get a strange vibe from Metul. I do not see a future with he and Naomi. Pretty sure his parents will snuff that out. Date the cute girl. Be on a show with the cute girl…but when it comes to being serious about future and a family, the cute girl will be a no-go from mom and dad.
So you think he will have to have an arranged marriage like what’s her name on RHONJ to the Turkish doctor? I like Metul for some reason…he seems like a perfect guy for someone with a strong personality like Naomi plus she has foreign parents who are very wealthy and I think that MAY make a difference to his parents. But you may be right…
@Jenny: Not necessarily an arranged marriage, but someone who shares his family’s cultural background.
I think Metul’s parents will just be happy that she is female.
f-ing MERDE!!! well Naomie wont agree to be THAT kind of wife…now that may be some great tea!
@TT: Well, now you have me thinking. My gaydar sucks, so that possibility never dawned on me. Along those lines, I binged Made in Heaven on Amazon Prime a few nights ago. Great series.
Something about him is off to me, too. She’s always saying how lucky she is to have him and he comes off as a little critical and controlling. I hope I’m wrong and he turns out to be a great guy.
Am thinking Tony is Little Craig’s nanny. He handed over the pup’s leash when they got close to the cameras at the oyster roast. He may be Shep’s roommate. Shep did say “we live” in an earlier episode.
I’m not enjoying this season as much as I enjoy sc nola.
I’m really not feeling Metul at all. I think he’s handsome and he’s obviously smart but he comes off as condescending towards Naomie and kind of bitchy (the comments about her cooking). She seems WAY too into him and it’s obvious to everyone and him that she adores him. I have to think the balance of power is way off in that relationship.
Also, perhaps my gaydar pings a bit too.
I am just now watching this episode and FUCK I miss the Low Country! That creekfront oyster roast and sunset at Cameron’s house? I wanted to cry!
I want an ice cold beer and to open cluster oysters that have been on a grill!