I forgot to pull photos for this Southern Charm Recap so I haven’t watched any of the previews from the episode. Based solely on the title, I predict this episode is going to suck donkey balls.
On the RV trip from hell, the guys wake up to a campsite strewn with booze bottles and regrets. I didn’t realize it was an eight and a half hour drive from Charleston to Nashville. Are they going to fly back? I don’t think they can stand seventeen hours in an RV together.
Danni is going to check into getting her eggs frozen. Chelsea goes with her. Chelsea is not sure if she even wants kids and is just along for ride. Neither of them can identify the uterus on the reproductive chart. WTF? So the news that you have to give yourself hormone shots for two weeks blindsided them both. Then they had sticker shock over the price.
The boys finally arrive in Nashvillle. Bravo hooked them up with a presidential suite. Shep and Austen immediately talk about bring girls from the bar back to the room. Madison sends Austen a hot selfie of herself getting ready to go out on the town in Charleston. It’s messing with his head. Shep actually bathes and shaves before going out on the prowl.
The foursome goes to a nice restaurant first. Whitney and Shep immediately start ragging on Craig again over the wine selection. Then Whitney pretends like he is picking up the tab. Bravo is picking up the tab. Why do Shep and Whitney try so hard to look like douchebags on this show? Do they just no know they look like asshats or do they just not care? Craig read online that Kathryn is filing for full custody of the children. She didn’t mention it to any of them. Craig asks Whitney how Kathryn was acting over the summer when they hooked up. Whitney denies the hookup. For once I believe Whitney. Heck, he goes back to WeHo as soon as filming is over.
Is this entire episode going to be all about Whitney and Shep and their dickish behavior? Is Shep hooking up with Whitney? Why are those two such a united front lately? When Craig and Austen take their wine to the balcony to drink their wine in peace, Shep talks about them not having any class. Shep is the most uncouth person on the show. Maybe even on all of Bravo! Whitney says that Craig has a sense of entitlement. These two are textbook cases of projection.
Later, at the bar, all Austen can talk about is Madison.
Since the male cast member are all in jail or giant pieces of crap (except for Craig), Patrica is going to have a dinner party which I am sure will turn into and etiquette class.
I usually hate Naomie scenes. But they are a welcome relief this week. Even better, Chelsea goes over to Kathryn’s to talk about Danni. Chelsea is trying to encourage Kathryn to mend fences with Danni.
Patricia has purchased a set of artichoke dishes. So the girls dinner party is artichoke themed. But first, Madison has an issue with Danni. She blames Danni for introducing the random IG comment one of Madison’s clients sent to Danni’s new boyfriend. This is what started all the drama for this season.
Chicks With Dick Pics
Kathryn is the last to arrive because the girls all need to discuss the politician she is dating. Apparently there is a lot of weird stuff on the Internet about him. Apparently dick pics are part of what is circulating around the Internet. Madison looks at one and says his penis looks like a Ken doll. I presume she means it is nonexistent. The pictures or bathroom selfies. Patricia puts on her reading glasses for close inspection. Then it’s Kathryn’s call time. She arrives to tell the girls that she has broken up with her dickless boyfriend. Shocker. She says she understands now why the girls were so concerned about her.
Kathryn pulls Danni aside to talk to her privately. I am finally noticing how bad Kathryn’s hair is this season. Y’all talk about it every week, but when I recap I am generally looking at the laptop more than the TV. Danni tells Kathryn that her behavior hurt her. She only had Kathryn’s best interest at heart. I’m still waiting for Kathryn to apologize. Finally, she blurts out a short one.
Okee Dokee Artichokee
The first course at dinner is an artichoke. And tequila shots. Patricia pretends like this was the first shot she has ever done. I don’t believe that any more than when LVP said she funneled beer for the first time on Vanderpump Rules. It’s just this week’s fake storyline just like last week’s fake McDonalds scene.
When they begin to talk about the guys, Madison brings up that Shep called her white trash. Cameran tries to defend him. She says to her Shep is suppressing a lot of anger. I don’t think Cameran knows what suppressing means. Shep is a mean person who says horrible things to people. Even people he considers friends. Madison says maybe he is still angry that she rejected him when he hit on her and she was married. Yep, I think we all that coming. Then we get back to the fake Whitney and Kathryn storyline.
Shep’s next asshole move is to buy a french bulldog and name it Craig. He thinks this is hilarious. I think Shep’s obsession with Craig borderlines on psychotic. I buys five hundred dollars worth of dog supplies.
Kathryn, Craig and Austen meet for hot toddies and ice cream. The guys tell Kathryn about how Shep and Whitney acted on the trip. Austen admits he was with Madison the night before. Apparently, he went right back to her when the guys trip ended. Craig seems personally offended by this. What’s it to you Craig? Mind your business! Austen blames Craig and Shep for breaking up their relationship. He’s not wrong.
On the next Southern Charm Recap, Kathryn and Naomie visit a hypnotist. Chelsea counsels Austen to stay away from people who just want to hang out in bars. Cameran has a birthday party and there is a lot of drinking. Craig and Austen fight when Austen follows Chelsea’s advice and goes home from the bar with Craig at a reasonable hour.