On tonight’s RHONY Recap, it’s time to get the hell out of Miami. It’s been one heck of a trip but it’s time to go home. I think there are only two regular episodes left.
But first we have to get Bethenny through this panic attack in the middle of the restaurant. I am still distracted by the fact that they have apparently hired extras for the scene and told them not to pay attention to filming. I mean Bethenny is in full on meltdown mode. How can they not look at this? Barbara walks Bethenny out of the restaurant. Dorinda follows them out.
Luann wants to go get drunk. But she reels herself back in at the last minute and returns to the table. So everyone is back at the table together. Luann tries to apologize. Bethenny and Luann hug it out.
Suns Out, Buns Out!
Everyone goes home to the lovely villa. Luann goes straight to bed. Bethenny starts packing. The other ladies have more wine. When Ramona says that Tinsley dress makes her boobs look flat, Tinsley said she paid $3,000 for the dress. In a talking head, Dorinda shares that something is up with Tinsley. She brought a suitcase of very expensive brand new clothes to Miami. Dorinda is concerned about Tinsley’s spending habits. Tinsley is drunk as a skunk and is flashing her tits and ass. She dances on the kitchen countertops. Something is going on with Tinsley. She’s morphing into Sonja.
Bethenny and Dorinda chat. Dorinda tries to get Bethenny to admit that Dennis’ death was bad. Bethenny admits it and cries. She just wants to get through the holidays. Bethenny leaves by herself early the next day. Ramona goes to Barbara’s room and discovers that every inch of white furniture in that house is covered with spray tan. That’s going to be an expensive fix. Ramona brought at least twenty pairs of shoes to Miami for four days. She’s also going to stay for Art Basel. I feel like Mario is still around Miami somewhere. Tinsley is going to Palm Beach.
Luann is recording yet another song called Feelin’ Jovani. Dorinda is going to host an 80s aerobics party to raise money for charity. Apparently she was an aerobics instructer in the 80s. Tinsley’s dog died. I need to fast forward for this part. Suddenly, the sound has stopped working on my TV. Weird.
Ramona and Luann get together and talk about her feelings about seeing Marion again. She says she doesn’t think they will ever get back together. Too much has happened to damage their relationship. According to Ramona, Mario regrets breaking up their marriage. Luann says she and Bethenny have been texting since the blowup in Miami. Luann still thinks she is the injured party. She came very close to going out for drinks and no one seemed to care. Then Ramona tells Luann that she is throwing a surprise party for Sonja and Dorinda on the night of her Christmas cabaret. Luann is pissed. She can’t seem to fathom that the girls don’t want to go to every cabaret show she has.
Feelin’ Jane Fonda
I’m not really sure how this aerobics class is supposed to raise money. Other than the RHONY, there are maybe fifteen people there. Anyway, Ramona and Dorinda talk about how Tinsley and Scott are still texting. They both think he must still be sending her money because she shopping like she is spending other people’s money. Apparently, Luann used to teach aerobics to the nurses in the nursing home she worked at. Barbara is wearing panty hose or something similar under her unitard and her body looks amazing.
Bethenny on the other hand has some terrible implants. They are just weird. I thought she fixed that a few years back. she’s wearing a ton of makeup and still looks very gaunt. I think all of the stress is making her lose weight. She announces she wants to have a S’mores and Whores themed Christmas party. I presume that will the next week’s finale all cast event.
Luann sent Barbara and Bethenny fuzzy jackets as sort of an apology for not being grateful about the roles they played with her intervention. Dorinda points out that when Bethenny attacks her she gets gifts but after their fight in Cartagena, Luann didn’t speak to her for eight months. I mean she has a point. Meanwhile, Bethenny seems particularly chipper. Like, super happy. Make of that what you will.
Ramona invites Barbara to her party for Sonja and Dorinda. But Barbara feels like she only invited her after she knew she was going to Luann’s cabaret Christmas show. Sonja and Barbara tell Ramona that she at least needs to change the time of her party to accommodate people who want to do both. Ramona says she can’t change the time. Bethenny says that they all need to go toast Luann before her cabaret show and then go to over to Sonja’s party. Everyone agrees. Well, except for Ramona. But there is no party without the other ladies, so what’s she going to do?
Next week, it the final regular RHONY Recap of the season. Luann does her Christmas cabaret and only Barbara is in the audience. She doesn’t even have good seats! Dorinda and Ramona confront Tinsley over seeing Scott. Bethenny has a near death experience.