It’s been another weird day at Chez Tamara. I am looking forward to this RHOBH recap. However, it seems like it all falls apart this episode. Today was a day I just didn’t want to get up and put my big girl panties on. June is full of nasty deadlines and sometime this week I have to go get an emissions test on my car and go to the DMV. My DMV is rather pleasant, but lines are long and the closed the DMV for weeks recently to upgrade something or another. And so I am not looking forward to the experience.
So there was a lot of napping today. For me, going to work means sitting up an getting on my laptop. Instead, I dozed off and on watching Season one of RHOBH. Back in the first few seasons of RHOBH, I loved LVP. We were a few seasons in when I was OUTRAGED about how the other ladies ganged up on LVP. Rewatching season one with fresh eyes, it was clear the entire time. I don’t ever agree to interviews, but I would love to interview Cedric. Question one: Are you gay or bi? AHEM. Side note: I tape all the morning shows. I am watching The View while waiting for the show to start. Willie Nelson has the biggest ears I’ve ever seen. I can’t stop staring.
They’ll Always Be A Morning After…
On to the RHOBH recap! I don’t understand why Rinna’s Halloween costume and confrontation of Kim Richards is such a storyline unless this is a segue for Kim Richards coming back. I was violently against that until I sleep watched a marathon of RHOBH season one today. Shockingly, I think I might be ready for her return.
In Provence, Erika Jayne is hungover both from alcohol and Kyle and Teddi trying to make Erika be offended by Rinna’s portrayal of her in a Halloween costume. Look, Kyle is my favorite housewife EVER. I love her. But this produced storyline at Erika’s expense really pissing me off. I see it for what it is and I am disappointed that Kyle felt like she had to go along with it and drag Teddi in. Kyle is a people pleaser and for that reason this shit may never end. She doesn’t need the money from this show and I wish she would just push back with production sometimes.
Thoughts And Prayers
While Dorit and Teddi play racket ball or whatever (which reminds me I have balls and a racket and technically still belong to a church with a gym…) the other ladies go to the onsite chapel. They light candles and pray for Camille and Denise and the fire victims. That is good production.
Meanwhile, back in Beverly Hills, Denise and Aaron check out the smoke damage of their house. I’m sad all over again but so happy that Denise’s gorgeous house is still standing. Even sadder, Camille and her daughter sort though the rubble. It’s just heartbreaking to think about. Let’s move on.
Tamara’s Recap Takes A Bizarre Personal Turn, AGAIN
My dead weirdo ex neighbor who lived with his mother who was friends with my mother used to have an old man do yard work. It wasn’t his job. He was friends with the psycho mom. So he was not in a hurry. He would blow leaves right by my front door for HOURS. He was deaf. I was not at the time. I could not handle it. So I would leave and go work from the free McDonalds Wifi. My laptop has a three hour battery. That was never long enough. So at that time I had a cell the guy I was dating gave to me. I went next door to my “friends” at the time and said, “Hey, I am going to work at Mickey Dees. Can you call me when your lawn guy leaves?”
Remember the scene where Kyle and Kim pointed and screamed at Brandi? It was like that. It was kind of terrifying. And he said, ” YOU ARE CRAZY! THESE ARE NORMAL SOUNDS! YOU HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFE!” That was the last time I ever spoke to them. But there was a lot of truth to that and no compassion. My coping mechanism was to get away from the irritation. I don’t want any more sadness in my life. I do want to know what happened to their houses. It’s just that there is so much unnecessary fighting and bullshit on these shows.
We Now Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming
The ladies are heading out in a helicopter to visit a winery. In fucking Provence. So Jealous. Erika says she isn’t feeling the whole helicopter thing. Teddi, who I am beginning to loathe, does a talking head saying that this is her first time. It’s derogatory toward Erika. There is an agenda underfoot. And in the air. Teddi may not want to do LVP’s dirty work but she has not problem being Kyle’s minion. But why is Kyle out to fuck with Erika? Remember when Kyle and Erika went to Mykonos?
At the wine tasting, Erika says she has a migraine is going to taste and spit as you are supposed to do. The rest are going drink everything they are given as I would do. All eleven glasses. So Erika is sober and the rest are, well varying degrees of not sober. Also, I want to do bad things to the wine guy.
I Prefer Whispering Angel
This one time (not at band camp) Someone sent me a case of rosé for my birthday. And I tried Whispering Angel. It was nice but not like the best thing in the world. I certainly enjoyed drinking it but I liked some of the other options better. Rinna mocks Vanderpump Rose and I laugh because I know someone with a big deal restaurant or two that LVP tried to get into with her rosé and the sommelier was like, nope. That’s why LVP will be signing bottles of her swill in a Aldi near you soon.
Anyway, that leads to them deciding to impersonate each other. This will not go well. All the impersonations are a bit nasty and rude. If everyone was in a good place, it would be different. Erika and her migraine don’t like any of it way before it gets to her. I don’t blame her. On the other hand, this shit is funny. This is the funny we need. And Kyle’s impression of Erika was funny.
When Did Dorit Become Likable?
On the car ride to… the copter? Kyle mocks Erika and Rinna who are in the other car. She’s not happy they are sober and boring. I want that grey cashmere? sweater Dorit is wearing. I wear my moth eaten grey cashmere sweater in this house in the summer sometimes because my internal thermostat is broken. So, I need more grey cashmere sweaters in my life! I hate that I am liking Dorit this season. And starting to hate Teddi.
Oh and I forgot. Erika and I think maybe Dorit? Someone else said in the glorious chateau with eleven rooms they were on the top floor. Which normally would be fine but they had to climb tons of stairs to be with Kyle and Teddi who where on the main floor. So when you see Erika bitching about the stairs, that’s why. But apparently it was great for her glutes.
The Obligatory Fight At Dinner
Erika Jayne is all alone at the dinner table sitting erect and probably praying for this meal to end before it begins. Kyle is drinking like a fish. Teddi and Kyle bond over having famous families. Erika says that she has never had a group of women friends. I get it. She trusted these women and.. well this dinner did not end well. Erika was trying to say that the girls in this group are not jealous. Then Teddi and Kyle continue their attacks on Erika. It’s sad. Kyle is shitfaced and making the situation worse. More Farrahween shit. I am so over it. Rinna is the only one making sense. Erika just said she was finally trusting the group since LVP is gone. Kyle is being awful. Simply awful.
Erika Is Tired Of The Bullying
Dorit and Teddi leave the table. Then Erika does. Rinna tries to talk sense into drunk Kyle. I don’t enjoy drunk Kyle. Then everyone is back at the table and Teddi and Kyle mean girl Erika. WHHHHHHHYYYY? I hate this! Erika just goes to bed. I want to do that too. Drunk Kyle goes up the eleventy billion stairs to Erika’s room. She refuses to go back to the whole Farrahween incident. Meanwhile, Teddi is a horrible person talking to Rinna. I can’t. Rinna says that the people who take issue with you do so because they see themselves in you. Of course I learned this in psych 101 but the reminder was needed. Also, “it’s okay they’re just feelings. ” I need Rinna to be my therapist.
Why is Kyle on the wrong damn side now? It should be Rinna, Erika and Kyle. Oh wait I get it. Kyle wants to be the top of the friend chain so she went the easy route with Dorit and Teddi. Le sigh. This is not how you become queen bee, Kyle. This is how you let Rinna or Erika become queen bee. Do better.
In everyone’s defense, the drinks at the Chateau were very strong.
Next week: More drama at the Chateau. And is that Faye Resnick? I know you guys hate her, but I love Kyle so if Kyle likes her maybe we could open our minds to liking her?