I could not be more excited for this RHOBH recap! No LVP! No Camille! A chateau in Provence! This is supposed to be what this show is about. Fancy rich people doing fancy rich people things! Travel! And probably a cat fight or two. Perfect.
The gals arrive with eleventy billion suitcases so the need two vans for five travelers. Even so, it was still tight quarters. Are the moving there or just there for a visit? Oh my, the chateau is unbelievably gorgeous. And the staff is all lined up outside to greet them. It is very Downton Abbey. I miss that show.
I can’t tear my eyes away from the TV to type. This place is like a fairytale. The staff is cooking up all manner of delicious delicacies. There’s soup, lobster ravioli and all kinds of fancy sauces. The ladies all glammed up for dinner. I thought this was going going to be a lowkey affair. But that chateau does seem to require high-end elegant looks. Kyle calls Denise to check on the news about the fires. Denise had no news about her house at that time. Camille says her house is okay. Sadly, it was not.
Dinner Is Served
After bizarre stories about their misspent youth and some few strong drinks the ladies are called to dinner. And the scripted conversations begin. Clearly, Rinna has been told to bring up the Halloween party. Which she does before for the first course even arrives. These ladies have some pretty bad table manners. I cringed when Kyle bang on that wine glass that probably costs more than my house with a knife. That should never happen. Erika says the drinks are very strong. She’s only on her second one and she’s wasted.
Why are there so many flashbacks on this episode? I need all the Provence I can get! Stop with all the flashback scenes! The next morning the ladies find out that Camille’s house is gone. We are even flashing back to scenes from less than five minutes ago.
The next morning Erika Jayne is hungover. Dorit is too. The breakfast conversation is about the fires. Everyone feels terrible about the whole situation. Eventually, they pull themselves together and head to the L’Isle-sur-la-Sorgue Sunday Market . They still have two vans. Perhaps that is for the production crew as well.
Can’t We Just Enjoy a Croque Monsieur?
At the market, Kyle haggles over hats while Erika tempts Rinna to sample some cheeses. You would not have to twist my are to participate in either of these activities. OMG, Erika just ordered a croque monsieur and I may just cry tears of jealousy. I’ve been craving one for a week now. OMG They gave us a close up! It’s food porn. I have gained ten pounds just looking at that slice of heaven.
Once again Rinna has the script. Her daughter, Amelia, has decided to study nutrition and wellness in college. I’m not sure that is the sign of recovery that Rinna seems to think it is. It seems like a more formalized obsession with food. Kyle shares that when she was a child actress she had a bout with anorexia herself. Is this really what we are going to talk about when there is croque monsieur on the table? Houses on fire and anorexia? Sigh. Erika says she’s at the highest weight of her life. Erika has also mentioned twice in this episode how much she likes the group of five on this trip. She says it feels safe to talk in this group where they don’t have to fear having things they say used against them, It’s a safe place to share without LVP there.
Sur le pont d’Avignon L’on y danse tout en rond…
When I was in high school I heard about a French class in Avignon and dreamed about taking it. Sadly, my mother didn’t see the point. The ladies are there walking around the town and it looks just like I imagined. I don’t really remember the song anymore though. I’m mesmerized by these scenes. I need a whole season of this.
Later back at the chateau the bartender with the heavy pout is back on the job. Rinna and Erika get drunk waiting on the other there to come downstairs. This should be interesting. Everyone looks fabulous. Lisa Rinna’s thigh high snakeskin boots are EVER.Y.THANG.
Stop Acting Like You Are In Texas!
I love that Erika Jayne immediately apologized in advance to the staff as they entered the stunning restaurant, Moulin a Huile. Of course, the women are missing the whole point of the restaurant by ordering margaritas and burgers. This is why I can’t travel with people. I would be so embarrassed by this. And no one has spoken a single word of French on the trip. Nary a “merci” has been uttered.
At least we are going to talk about the beautiful scenery and how great France is now. Right? Nope. We are going to rehash Rinna’s Erika Jayne impersonation. Rather, Teddi is going to randomly have a problem with it. Teddi doesn’t know a thing about the situation with Rinna and Kim. She wasn’t around when Kim was on the show.
Why butt into disagreements when you have no dog in the fight? Dorit’s theory is that Teddi is Kyle’s “hench woman.” I’ve never understood why so many of you can’t stand Teddi. I like her. But I am starting to see why you might feel that way.
Erika is getting irritated with Kyle and Teddi about doing my least favorite thing,”Being offended on behalf of someone else.” This was the most ridiculous argument ever.
Next week, Teddi and Kyle think that it would be fun to do imitations of each other. Didn’t we spoil one great scene with this stupidity already? Is it going to be Kyle and Teddi stirring the pot with Rinna and Erika Jayne for the entire trip? This is why we can’t have nice things.