By Dalai Mama
Welcome to the HMS Below Deck Med Recap. Come aboard. We’re expecting you. We begin with a little rehash of the Great Taco Skirmish of ’19. Hannah affirms that communication with Captain Sandy is going to be priority this season. Therefore, Hannah is appointing herself Chief Taster. Not so much as a single sea cucumber ovary is going to get to the guests without going through Hannah first.
Beach Blanket Bingo
Be All That You Can Chef Boyardee
Captain Sandy consults the Lite Brite she’s got stashed in the wheelhouse and hazards a professional forecast. There is weather coming. She scrutinizes the sky and muses that perhaps the rain will “go up.” Certainly it will, if it sees what’s going on in the galley.
Travis expresses dissatisfaction with the overabundance of bureaucracy he perceives rampant in the system.
Mila is thinking Italian food as her next crack at culinary manslaughter. Presumably she’ll just crack open a can of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni and be done with it. But Poseidon is not about to let this slide. The heavens darken, the storm clouds lower, thunder belches itself across the sky, and then we see evidence of the coming apocalypse. Random crew members are sampling Mila’s cooking.
Blame The Ham Game
Travis expresses dissatisfaction with something else. I feel like a different guy plays Travis in every scene. I always have to figure out who he is by deduction.
Meanwhile, in the galley, the Chef does not want to play the ham game. There is no Slicing Machine on board. The prosciutto cannot be besmirched in thick slices. The Captain appears, speaking soothingly in her dulcet Kindergarten Cop voice. “Let’s just try to slice it,” she coos. “Shall we try?” You see, the woman in white was brought up in the meat business. Her mad skills include slaughter, skin, and hang. You’d think that would give the chef pause.
Tamara will be pleased to learn that Sandy observes frankly that she never liked being in the meat shop.
Let Them Eat Cake
The mood in the galley has turned grim. A guest needs A Cake, but there is no Easy-Bake Oven on board. It remains on shore, in the Below Deck warehouse, next to the ham-slicing machine. Mila whips something up, a simple golden cake with an Ajax filling, for whiter teeth. Sample tasting is not going well. Someone better run down to the Seven Eleven and get the guests a couple of Suzy Qs and some Ding Dongs.