If the previews of this episode indication, it’s going to be very heavy on the Austen and Madison storyline. If so, that’s going to make for a very boring Southern Charm Recap this week. Well, first of all my DVR just decided not to record despite the fact I double checked it tonight.
We start with the clips I saw. Shep tries once again to defend Austen to Chelsea as she gives him a haircut. The threesome was four months ago! Four whole months y’all. Austen has apparently been badmouthing Chelsea to Madison. Austen hangs out with Craig and the both look like, as Barb from Teen Mom would say, they’re on the pot. Neither is capable of even sitting upright.
Cameran continues to struggle with motherhood. And complain. Apparently, these staged scenes where they don’t show the baby’s face when she is “crying” are designed to show us that Cameran is justified in hiring a nanny. She is probably getting mommy shamed all over social media.
Chelsea is packing for a girl’s trip. When she calls Kathryn, her mailbox is full. Also, she has been MIA for two days. They think she is in Miami with the Thomas redux guy. Kathryn is the one that planned the trip. Or so the script says. So the act like they don’t know what to do.
Girls Trip? Maybe?
Eight hours later, cameras are conveniently at Kathryn’s new pad to film her returning from a trip. I’m very surprised that there were no other cars in the building’s parking spots. That is the most fascinating thing to me so far in this episode. Kathryn is disheveled and annoyed. Apparently, the girls are interrupting her bliss walk of shame.
We’re halfway in and I am watching commercials. Then we see Kathryn signing paperwork for a 2011 Rolls Royce. The purchase price is $126,258.50. I knew that Kathryn’s storyline was her overspending. But this can’t be real, right? Who does this? Where were her kids while she was traveling? Now she’s going to come home for a day and drop six figures on a car? And just leave again? This is not good for her custody case. Then we get yet another advertisement for the place she is living in during filming.
When Naomi and Cameran stop by for the real estate ad, we find out that Kathryn does actually have the kids and they will be staying with her mom. Both girls are sort of walking on eggshells around Kathryn. The other girls show up and head off on their road trip. They talk about the Thomas redux guy. Kathryn seems very into him.
Life On The Plantation
As annoying as Eliza is, scenes from the plantation almost make her presence worth it. She’s got a main cast slot so we will be seeing a lot of her. Even if the other girls don’t want to film with her. Allegedly.
Eliza goes fishin’ with her brother and her dad. Then, we find out that she was nearly in a fatal plane crash on a recent trip to the Bahamas. They were flying private. On the way to the airport her boyfriend realizes he forgot his passport so he tells his friend to go without him. They did and the plane crashes and everyone died. That’s a scary story. Apparently, she is going to try to mend her relationships with others because of the experience. You know how not to do that? Invite Ashley Jacobs to a filming at the plantation and blindside everywhere. Twice.
Nobody Would Hear Us Scream…
The girls arrive at their destination, a couple beautiful trees house deep in the woods. This is a real estate ad worth watching. Chelsea and Cameran stay in one house, leaving Kathryn, Danni and Naomie in the other. I thought it was interesting that Cameran let Kathryn pick first and the said she wanted to stay in the other one. I want the shoes they are so desperately trying to make us want that Kathryn is putting on. Mission accomplished. Kathryn flakes while trying to get ready and tells Danni and Naomie to leave without her. They are not amused.
Finally, they all are taken to the vineyard for a wine tasting. Cameran really pregamed for this event. She’s been polishing off a bottle of wine since she got there. She took the bottle into the car and swigs straight from the bottle on the trip. Half a bottle in she decides she doesn’t like rosé. The vineyard grows strictly muscadines. I am not a fan of sweet wines. Apparently, they aren’t either. Kathryn drinks muscadine juice. that sounds tasty. I can’t with the Whitney sex. Sorry.
Naomi and Danni decide to confront Kathryn about her disappearing act at dinner. At dinner, it’s time for more muscadine wine, whether you want it or not. I imagine the hangover from that will be terrible. And the portions are tasty but tiny. All of the girls talk about their men. All of them seem great except for Kathryn’s Joe. She tells a good story though. He’s coming to Charleston for a visit next week.
Danni takes the lead in confronting Kathryn about her irresponsible behavior. Kathryn went to a charity event in NYC. I think it was the Angel Ball. I may have the name wrong. A lot of the RHONY and other Bravo folks went. She missed her flight back to Charleston so she took a flight to Miami instead. She stayed with Joe. The girls are doing a horrible job selling this bed and breakfast. They don’t like the wine. Half of them seem disturbed by the quail entree. It’s a mess. It would be a good place to go away on a couples trip though. You could bring your own wine. The best part is there is no cell service.
Anyway, back to Kathryn and her nonchalant attitude. I have a bit of brain fog today, so it might just be me but do most of the people on this show seem stoned on this episode? I don’t think it was a cigarette that Kathryn stepped out to smoke earlier.
Danni says that Kathryn has been doing a good of getting her act together. And now she seems to be self-sabotaging. Welcome to my word. It happens. Kathryn feels attacked. Danni says Kathryn has changed in the last month. She says it correlates to her meeting Joe. Kathryn is late to everything. She doesn’t seem to care. Kathryn says she is dealing with depression. She’s not really capable of thinking about others at the moment. She’s overwhelmed.
Cameran tells us in a talking head that she understands that Kathryn is under the most stress of her life. She hasn’t had a place to live. She’s moved in with her mother. Thus, the living in her new apartment that is actually just real estate advertising. I’m not sure we have seen her kids there yet. Apparently, they are still at her mother’s house. But, as Cameran says she needs to put her big girl panties on and deal with life. I can’t find my big girl panties. I suppose I could try to look for them. Tomorrow.
Naomie tells Kathryn that buying the Rolls Royce was a very bad choice. As a friend she needs to call her out for that. Kathryn is not at all receptive to the conversation. And in a talking head that was likely filmed weeks or even months later, Kathryn still seem bent about the whole thing.
Next week, Shep continues to trash Madison to anyone who will listen. This is not a wise move. Patricia adores Madison. Austen admits to his father that he sabotages his relationships. Kathryn cries with Craig about her fears and mixed feelings about Thomas potentially going to jail. Craig needs help filling his pillow orders. Chelsea confronts Austen about badmouthing her. Danni and Kathryn fight.
I am not sure how this Southern Charm Recap got so long. What did you think of the episode?