Wednesday nights are rough! Back to back recaps. But I am determined to get to the RHONY recap tonight. I think RHONY may be my favorite franchise at the moment. But I’m fickle.
We are back in the stunning house in Miami. Bethenny is trying to intimidate a drunk Sonja to go to bed. Sonja is beyond wasted and falls down really hard. It’s scary. Only Bethenny, Barbara and the poor server go to help her. I find that very telling. Bethenny tries to put Sonja to bed. Barbara says she saw Sonja hit her head and says that might not be a good idea. Barbara wants to call the paramedics. Bethenny agrees. Drunk Sonja kisses Bethenny’s ass. Literally.
Ramona realizes that all the cameras are in the room with Sonja so she pretends to care about someone other than herself. She’s not very good at. Neither is Tinsley who is dressed to go out with Ramona. She hardly notices the crisis with Sonja. She seems exasperated when she asks Ramona if they are still going out. Bethenny takes out Sonja’s extensions and lets her lay in her lap. She tells Ramona and Tinsley to go ahead and go out. Sonja thinks Clinton is president. I’m not a fan of the Clintons at all. But, I’d gladly take either one at the moment.
Drinking And Crying
Luann apparently can be around drinking. But she can’t be of any use during a time of crisis. She’s in her room. Probably with a bottle of vodka disguised as mouth wash. Apparently, the fire fighters looked at her pupils and said it doesn’t seem like she is on anything but alcohol. Bethenny can’t wait to shove that news up Luann’s ass. I am almost as excited as Sonja by the hot EMTs.
Meanwhile at the bar, Ramona is trying to pick up some vitamin D. Tinsley on the other hand just want’s a shoulder to cry on. Please don’t let it be about Scott. It’s about Scott.
The Morning After
Luann is pissy that the staff has not made her coffee. Oh, Lu. I miss fun Luann. Barbara, the only sane one in this bunch goes for a morning run on the beach. Bethenny and Tinsley wind up in the same bed. So do Ramona and Sonja. Luann has procured a yoga instructor. Dorinda goes out to join her. This is probably a bad idea Dorinda. Bethenny ironically rocks a Reality Sucks sweatshirt. I want it. Dorinda struggle with her feelings for Luann. It’s her first time meeting season one Lu. Dorinda doesn’t want to deal with the narcissism.
Ramona determines a two person scene would get her some camera time. So it is buy one narcissist, get one free by the pool. Luann says the others have a problem with her success. They just can’t stand that she is happy. She doesn’t look happy to me. I pause the DVR because I may need to break the rules of the ghetto and call 911. Very loud argument outside. That’s odd for a Wednesday at 10 pm. It seems to have stopped. No shots fired.
Pausing again. Because we have to talk about Ramona. Here boobs are enormous. When did that happen? Am I just now noticing or have they been like this?
It’s BOGO Day For Narcissists!
No one wants to see Luann win. No one supports her. She’s trying to stay sober and everyone is getting drunk just to make her fail. It’s all about Luann. Even Ramona says that Luann is full of shit. Luann gets huffy with Ramona and asks her if she is blind. She says every time she sees Sonja, she’s drunk. Is this a good time to point out what a responsible drinker Dorinda has been? Sober Dorinda is unexpected. Drunk Sonja is not. Even after an hour of yoga, Luann is raging. How is that possible?
Suddenly, Luann is just trying to be a friend to Sonja. She can’t stand seeing her this way, She could have died in the fall. Well, why hasn’t Lu checked on her even once? That’s what friends do. Wow, as soon as I hit play Ramona points out that Luann never even checked on Sonja. Luann claims she was in bed. She was not. She’s lying or doesn’t remember for um, some reason. In her talking head she says that no one came to check on her. No one came to see if she brought a bottle of vodka back to her room. Because, she wanted too. If I had to bet, I’d say she did. Luann decides to invite Sonja to an AA meeting with her. Luann is making Ramona seem human. Sonja declines Luann’s backhanded invitation. Ramona apologizes to Barbara.
Drinks By The Pool
This pool is incredible. I need to be there right now. Just not with this crew. They are going to throw a dinner party. Somehow it has become Ramona’s party. She only wants thirty guests. All men. I see no problem with this plan. Except she is inviting Mario and a date for herself to make him jealous. #petty.
I feel like they are purposely trying not to say they are there for Art Basel. But they were. Tinsley’s sister Dabney will be in this scene. So there will be more crying about Scott. Ramona bails on everyone to head to a hotel for a vitamin D injection. How does she get away with not filming so many scenes? She’s the LVP of this franchise.
Bethenny bought a ton of stuff on this trip. In the very first gallery she buys a green (don’t) stop sign for ten grand. The artist gives Tinsley a $5,000 paint can that is a play on Andy Warhol’s Campbell’s soup pieces. Then he gives all the girls a free piece. Except Luann who wastes no time in point it out to him. Bethenny is the only one that didn’t get something for free. Unless I missed it.
Next they go to a studio of one of Bethenny’s friends we have met before. She has arranged for everyone to get an $8,000 piece of art. They leave the one for Ramona behind since she bailed on filming.
Dancing On The Ceiling
This heading has nothing to do with the show. It’s about the second scary event at my house during this recap. A giant palmetto bug. I can handle almost anything but rats and palmetto bugs. For those not familiar palmetto bug look like GIANT cockroaches. Only they can fly. And the walk across your ceiling. They do not run when you turn the light on. They are not afraid of you. So terrifying! I might be having an actual heart attack. Sorry. Moving on.
The Rum Guy
Ramona’s date for the evening is Kevin. She calls him the rum guy. That’s is business I guess. I am having trouble focusing. It pisses me off because this is a great episode. Mario is the first to arrive. Are we being played her? It dawns on me that Ramona went to see Mario at his hotel instead of going to Art Basel. Are these two secretly back together? If they are not, they should be.
What the hell is Dorinda wearing? It’s like a silver lamé pedal pusher jumpsuit of some sort. It’s a no for me. I bet it is really expensive though. But if Dorinda likes it, I’m happy for her. We have good Dorinda back this season.
Stop Excluding Barbara!
Sonja tells Mario that Ramona has a date. Luann takes her date, Denio and moves far, far away from everyone else. Is this her new man that we’ve heard about? These gals waste no time. Dorinda asks Dabney what she does for a living. She does nothing. Dorinda says, “How nice.” But isn’t that Dorinda’s job when she’s not doing housewives? I mean when was the last time before RHONY that she had a job?
Barbara has a platonic female friend at the party. Of course Ramona and Sonja rudely ask if they are intimate. Why is everyone so mean to Barbara? I love her.
I also like Kevin, the rum guy. Someone need to tell him to run. But, while Kevin and Ramona flirt, Tinsley cries about Scott with her sister. I can’t. It’s a sausage party, girl. Go get you a sausage! Bethenny to the rescue. She introduces her to one of her rich friends. Tinsley botched it.
You Flooze, You Lose
Bethenny, Dorinda and Tinsley have a plan to mess with Ramona. I love this. As everyone gathers to eat, Dorinda is going to stand and give a toast to Ramona. Except it is not about Ramona at all. She thanks everyone for coming. Then she talks about the hundreds of thousands of art that the artists gave them today at Art Basel.
Then, all the RHONY really play it up. There was a ton of name dropping from The Pope to the Queen mother. Ramona is visibly devastated. I love this prank. Clearly, they are all angry that Ramona keeps getting to bail on filming.
Sonja points out that Ramona missed it all because she was at a hotel “with guys.” Ramona says she was relaxing. She seems crushed. But not as crushed as I had hoped.
Mario Meets The Rum Guy
Ramona introduces Mario to Kevin. She clearly wants Mario back. Mario tells Ramona he got a call from Avery. Kevin skulks off in search of coffee. Ramona doesn’t seem to notice. Sonja shows up to inform Mario that Ramona made out with Harry,
On the next RHONY recap, Luann continues to be an entitled prig. Sonja has a breakdown and admits she suffers from loneliness. Luann reacts by shaming her for her excessive drinking. Bethenny has an even bigger meltdown over Luann’s ungrateful behavior.
Okay, am I alone in thinking this was the best episode of reality TV we have had in awhile? And next week looks even better.