Before we start this RHOBH Recap, I’d like to direct you to this story I did about LVP’s latest lawsuit here. In that link, I placed an update about LVP’s interview that is supposedly about a campaign for The Trevor Project. I can’t believe The Trevor Project would even have her. Didn’t she just have to apologize publicly for being transphobic? And yet she somehow managed to slip in there two non-answers about both the reunion and next season. What she did not say is no I am not going to the reunion, and yes I am quitting RHOBH for next season. That’s because she is contractually obligated to be at the reunion. So prepare yourselves for her to be there.
Yet that is what is being reported. Why? Because she does this crap year after year! She loves to play the victim. She especially loves to make her uninformed fans miserable and outraged at everyone else on the cast. She’s a shit person. I am sorry you guys can’t see that. We was supposed to be talking about suicide in the LGBT community. And yet, she played victim and distressed her LGBT fans who are snookered by her greatly. That is how she operates.
Now that I’ve pissed off all the LVP fans for the second time today, let’s get to this RHOBH recap. It should be LVP free and mostly Camille free which will like give up the best episode of the season. Even with Brandi’s return.
We start with Erika Jayne looking pretty in pink. She thanks congratulates Rinna on her CVLUX cover and photo shoot. Rinna still rocks it after all these years. They discuss the events at Farrahween. Rinna is ready to move on with Kim Richards. Everyone is done with Camille being so damn two-faced though.
I don’t want to cover the bathing suits that will never happen. Or point out the fact that Kitson’s isn’t a thing anymore. Is it? Did it have some sort of miraculous comeback? I’m not familiar with Kitsons but they supposedly went out of business before they could pretend to sell Mike Shouhed’s fake shoes on Shahs. They seem sort of bottom of the barrel to me.
Finally, we get to Kyle Richards and her gorgeous home that she actually own that if full of amazing rescue dogs that she never brags about rescuing. I learned pretty early on that when are desperate to get your dogs back on your property, you don’t yell treats! And reward them. If Banjo hears me growling NOW! He knows he better change his course of action or he is going to do some time. Well, except not anymore. He’s getting old and now gets expensive grated cheese on his dinner. Because, at this point he gets whatever the fuck he wants when he wants it.
Kyle is planning a trip to Provence with the ladies to drink some wine and get out of dodge.
It’s a Harry Hamlin episode, y’all! And he cooking. Everyone loves some of Harry Hamlin’s cooking! I’m sure Eden Sassoon is watching and missing Harry Hamlin’s meat! It’s fine to live butter out of the fridge, Rinna. Delilah has eaten all the cheese for the cheeseburgers. That’s something I would do. There are pies! Amelia and Delilah are both sorta vegetarian but not kids that won’t eat anything except when they do. Amelia has a bit of an eating disorder. They are all so mean to Harry about his feast. Harry and Rinna spat over why their kids are such assholes.
This segment had such promise. And then? Entitlement. Pass me the pie Harry. I’ll help you eat it. And the hot dogs and the corn.
All The Cast That Is Worth Watching, Plus Dorit
Everyone that isn’t playing victim somewhere surrounded in swan shit meets for a meal. Teddi looks stunning! There is some talk about Farrahween. I don’t think Kyle is really that pressed about Rinna telling Kim giving her the bunny back was cunty. We are STILL talking about bunnygate. This is a sign that puppygate will also never die.
Kyle talks about shutting down her brick and mortar stores. It’s happening everywhere. Tamara Tattles was the first to report this news. Rinna had to close her brick and mortar a few years ago. It was broken into twice if I recall correctly. I love that the ladies decide not to glam it up on their trip to Provence. I am not sure I believe them.
The girls try to get Rinna to tell her what Camille has said about Dorit. Actually, I think it is poor Denise who knows what Camille has said about all of them. I really hope they compare notes. There are so many great contorted faces in this scene. Dorit tries to step up to the victim role.
Production, who hated LVP this season roles Camille’s nasty comments about LVP’s teefs again. This makes me giggle. Then they cut to Camille trashing pretty much everyone to her friend Kimber. Why do they have to give Camille this scene? I believe it was because she was never invited to Provence in the first place. All I care about is the stunning art in Camille’s house that burned down. The firefighters tried to save some of it.
I’m wondering a lot now about Camille’s “assistant” Scott. I know she says her “assistant of twenty years” died two days before the fires. That would have been pretty much the same day he was filmed for this scene. Production made it clear to let us know that five days before we see Kyle, Rinna and Teddi in the car headed to France, the fires started. I’m not going to say what I think happened. I’ll leave y’all to speculate. I will freely state that he doesn’t look like someone who has been able to assist her for many years. I’m officially creeped out. And not by Scott.
I was excited about this RHOBH Recap until this scene. Now Camille is trashing Teddi. I don’t believe for a moment Teddi “snubbed” her kid. I rewound three times to see the “snubbing.” That was not on film. Teddi doesn’t even know Camille’s kids. Camille married a man her kids can’t stand. She doesn’t have “mommy claws.”
We’re Going To Beat Her Up In France!
Back across town Kyle is asked if Camille is invited on the trip. Because no one wants her there. Especially not me. I feel like she wasn’t invited. But we shall see. And they do film things out of order. And there was a fire for real where Camille’s house burnt down. So I guess we will never know. But Camille is a friend, not a housewife. And I really want her and LVP to ride off into the sunset next season. But I’m not hopeful about that.
But Kyle, ever the sorta producer of the show says of course she is. And Erika says “we’re going to kick her ass in France.” So maybe she was. Because they used two different sound bites of that from two different takes.
The Return of Brandi Glanville
Y’all know that every season I piss off different ones of you hating these bitches one season and loving them the next. Well, when a Brandi Glanville return is a breath of fresh air? You know there are some evil bitches on this season. I agree with some commenters today who said we should have listened to Cedric, and Brandi and the whole line of people in the early seasons who tried to tell us about LVP. I hope this is a shady production move to spill some tea.
Brandi immediately admits she is dressing like a hooker. I love her for that. OMG! They even gave her a talking head where she looks ridiculous! I am living for this! She looks like a clown. Brandi talks about being accused of punching this attention whore guy in the face at a Casamigos party. That never happened. I think that was just so Brandi could get that out there. Also Kyle began following Brandi again back in March. This opens the way for Brandi to take LVP’s diamond. I’d love nothing more than for Brandi to take LVP’s diamond. It would be the best KARMA EVER. My source says that will not happen but that was before LVP gave the Daily Mail interview today and had yet another lawsuit that sent Bravo (not production) into a rage.
Still, don’t get your hopes up about LVP being gone. The bitch will never die. She has free ads for all of her businesses on two different shows. LVP would be putting Vanderpump Rules into jeopardy. She can’t afford to lose that show.
Brandi Drops Some Tea
Denise Richards, who has always bent over backwards to be fair to LVP tell Brandi that she doesn’t know if LVP would sell out to tabloids. Brandi’s response is that she definitely did. Brandi says she has a direct hotline to Radar Online. Brandi says that she was best friends with LVP for five years. Then they roll that beautiful bean footage of evidence. It includes the evidence that LVP planted the tabloids about Maurico in Brandi’s suitcase. Brandi admits she crossed LVP at one point. She told Kyle LVP was lying about the tabloids. It cost Brandi her job and her friendship with LVP.
Denise invites Brandi on the girls trip. That will probably not be allowed. But boy to I wish it could happen. Brandi says Kim called her about Farrahween. Denise doesn’t really care. Because no one gives a shit about bunnygate anymore.
The Woolsey Fires
This RHOBH recap is taking forever. I had zero time to prep today. I’m not sure it will be up before midnight at this point. But I am going to savor this shopping trip to the $300 scarf store with Kyle and Erica because this is the reason I got sucked into to all this overproduced drama. I mean if I was going to pay $300+ dollars for a scarf, I’d have an Hermes. Not a Masaki Matsuka. Although if I had their money I’d have both. Even fat chicks like a nice long scarf. 🙂 This is an in show ad I can enjoy. Even if we are pretending Camille was invited on the trip.
We finally get these bitches packing for Provence. Usually this part of the trip annoys the shit out of me because how can you be rich and travel so much and be such shitty packers? But what is going on with Teddi? She’s stunning this entire episode. Did our little au natural Teddi go all Beverly Hills treatments? Did she get a haircut? Y’all know I am not good at this sort of thing.
The news coverage of the fires had me drinking and PayPaling money to the fire stations. I could barely stand to watch it and I could not look away. So tragic. I felt so bad for Camille. Denise was a hero helping others.
On Next Week’s RHOBH Recap: Must Go To Provence. I love that only five people are going. I wish we had a smaller cast.