BY: POPCULTUREKELLY
How lucky are we that we get to spend this Memorial Day with our Summer House gang? I hope everyone had a great long weekend, especially to thank and appreciate our military personnel. We pick up this Summer House Recap up right where we left off. Everyone is still at the outdoor dinner table arguing about Paige DeSorbo and Carl Radke. Kyle Cooke insists that Paige led Carl on. Beau Clark sets a roll of paper towels on fire to end the madness.
Amanda Batula is pissed. She takes Kyle in the kitchen to ask him to stay out of Carl and Paige’s fight. Amanda points out that Kyle has zero room to pass judgement on anyone’s relationship with his cheating past. Amanda loves Paige so it hurts her that Kyle insists on calling her out. Kyle just wants to defend his friend Carl, who he feels is being vilified.
I think that Paige and Carl know exactly what they are doing. They both like games. They both like whatever this dynamic is that they have together. I do not. It was fun for a while, now it is just old and sad. So I am officially off the Paige and Carl roller coaster.
The Distinct Smell Of Bullshit Is In The Air
Outside at the table, Jordan Verroi proudly announces that he is now taking Viagra for his “erectile dysfunction”. In her talking head Hannah tells us that Jordan’s lying is out of control. She takes him aside to talk. Hannah basically begs him to stop lying to impress the house. Jordan looks taken aback, saying he wants Hannah to stop making his dick an issue. Hannah yells at him that she is done being lied to. Tom Schwartz, still there and coherent, wants to know if this is real. Oh, it is indeed real my friend. Hopefully you are taking notes to up your game since this season of Vanderpump Rules sucked.
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The next day everyone packs for the beach. The guys all drive in one car, the girls in another. Paige is talking to the girls about her disinterest in Carl which is bullshit. She has a rich guy with a yacht. Why even talk about Carl anymore? In the guys car, Carl is still smarting from catching Paige sneak in after a tryst with yacht guy Justin. He drops a bomb to the guys: Paige did indeed want to sleep with him. He claims that one night Paige was grinding on him and telling him that she wanted to sleep with him. Kyle is disgusted but feels vindicated. He was right about Paige so everyone else can suck it.
Truth Be Told
Over drinks at a beautiful beachside restaurant, Jordan regales the table with his date with Erika. Jordan is completely honest about the date. Everyone at the table is horrified that this date actually happened. Everyone that is, but Hannah. Hannah bursts with pride as this is the first time Jordan has been honest the entire summer. In what has to be the worst segue in Summer House history, Kyle decides to call Paige out. He informs the table that Paige DID lead Carl on and he can prove it. His receipts? What Carl told him in the car.
Carl begs Kyle to stop. Paige denies it, telling Kyle that he has zero room to judge her after cheating on Amanda. Amanda is livid with Kyle. She wants him to sober and shut the hell up. Katie Maloney Schwartz chimes in to tell Kyle that maybe he and Amanda should speak privately about their issues. Kyle, you should know your relationship is bad when Katie is giving you relationship advice.
Most of the gang decide to go kayaking. Kyle ends up drunkenly kayaking into a sandbar. Hannah takes pity so she goes to make sure he is okay. Kyle cries to Hannah that he wants to propose to Amanda but keeps messing it up. Hannah feels that Kyle is trying to brush a lot of their issues under the rug by rushing to propose to her. I think we all agree with her, but sadly we know what happens.
Loose Lips Sink Yachts And Ships
Back at the house. the gang gets ready for a night out. Carl prepares for his wedding date, Kirsten, to arrive. Lindsay Hubbard knows Kristen and is skeptical of Carl’s sudden interest in her. Thanks to producers we see that Kirsten was at a party during season one. Hmmm. Tom Schwartz, sick of seeing how much this cast is bringing it compared to his, decides to go the hospital. He has a bad case of Montezuma’s Revenge that will not go away. He gets diagnosed with a fissure. In my mind he also gets a doctor’s note to leave VPR for Summer House. Sorry, I am still really mad about how bad this season and reunion VPR was.
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Everyone else goes out for the night. Kyle, now VERY drunk, badgers Amanda. He wants to stop fighting with her. She stays mature and tells him they will talk the next day when they are both sober. He is unraveling from all the stress. Kyle ends up talking alone to Stassi. He tells her that he is planning on proposing to Amanda the following weekend. Season one Stassi appears to tell Kyle that this is not the right time to propose. Seeing that he will get zero empathy from this witch of WeHo, Kyle storms off crying. Hearing that Kyle is crying, Amanda rushes over to him. They both end up crying then laughing hysterically. Maybe they do belong together.
Proposal or No-posal?
The next morning, the VanderPumpers say goodbye to the Hamptons and the gang. Kyle and Amanda go outside to talk. Kyle is internally struggling with the advice Stassi gave him. Should he wait to propose? Amanda does not know what Kyle’s issue is. She just wants him to stop being a drunken ass. Welp. Good luck with that Amanda.
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Next week on the season finale of Summer House: The gang has an end of summer party. Paige and Carl appear to reunite. Kyle asks Amanda’s father for his blessing to propose to Amanda. I’m sad this is almost over! Hope to see you all in the comments. Before I end this Summer House recap I have to wish my amazing 14 year old son Justin a very happy birthday! He reads this recap, so this will be the cherry on top of a fantastic birthday weekend to see this. And I also want to say go Boston Bruins!. See you all next week for another Summer House Recap!
Hi Justin! I hope you had a great birthday! xo ~tt!
I know this is terrible. I can believe that you can get a anal fissure from chronic diarhea, but I really think it is from being butt fucked by a dildo.
Maybe I watched too much Vida… but um, I’m just saying…
It’s a strong possibility….
I loved season one stassi giving it to Kyle straight. She’s actually right, this proposal is a knee jerk reaction to the most recent bout of cheating which definitely did happen.
I kind of agree. But he did buy the ring before all the second round of cheating was brought up. I think they really do love each other it’s just really odd for us to see that kind of love. Lol.
Bahahahaha omg TT I never even thought of that! Dying. THAT makes more sense. It explains a lot actually!! Lol. And THANK YOU for the birthday shoutout to Justin. When he gets home from school he will freak out 🙂
Jasper I LOVED season 1 Stassi’s utter disdain and annoyance at him. It’s exactly what he needed, but next week we get the proposal. It didn’t sink in obviously 🙁
Omg TT. This comment has dead. Hahahahaha haha
I wish that less time was spent on Kyle and Amanda. Not feeling it it.
Happy belated birthday Justin!
Thank you Heidi!! And I agree.
I’m rooting for Kyle and Amanda. He will be a very lucky man if she marries him.
Are you? May I ask why?
My DVR recorded this. I tried to watch the first few episodes but gave up. They are still feckless cunts. More feckless than the other feckless cunts of reality tv.
Haha awwwe but watchable feckless cunts??
This show, and recap, are my guilty pleasures! It’s the silliness the shows have been missing lately. Can’t wait for Below Deck!
Yay Andrea!!! Oooh Below Deck looks awesome this season.
I love Colin
Kyle needs to grow up ffs. How many times can a grown man ‘cry’ on one tv show? He’s what, 10 years older than Amanda? I would be horrified if my daughter were to get engaged to such an alcohol soaked db. And how many times did he refer to Stassi as his ‘good friend’? It was driving me crazy.
I love how Beau checked out when Stassi and Lindsay were having the convo about Lindsey’s bf.
Beau won the episode for me!
Thanks for the recap!!
Oh AnnieO I agree! I like him, I do. But he has so many issues. Why would he want to get married without taking a hard look at himself? Thank you for reading! Beau and the paper towel rolls made me lol
Yay Andrea!!! Oooh Below Deck looks awesome this season.
I love Colin
When they showed on screen Kyle’s age of 36 and Hannah’s age of 26, I got annoyed all over again with Kyle. I’m really trying to root for him, but he makes it so hard. He’s a mess. His sloppy drunkness drives me crazy. But I love this show and I kinda like the whole cast. It’s like your group of friends. They get on your nerves, but you’ll still hit up the Chinese buffet with them.