On tonight’s Southern Charm Recap we’re going to see some of the women react to Ashley Jacobs’ bogus nursing award. I briefly mentioned that in one of my weekend update posts. It was just ridiculous.
Why do we have to see Shep’s dad bod in every episode? I do not need this in my life.
Cameran has found a glorious nail salon that serves mimosas! That would make my experience so much better! So, she’s all relaxed in her massage chair when Eliza Limehouse walks in. There is a southern phrase, “country come to city” that describes Eliza perfectly. From her camouflage shirt to her bringing in her own booze in her purse. And, she won’t STFU. I’ll spare you the lengthy pedigree scene. Cameran tries to tell Eliza how rude and obnoxious she is. Eliza doesn’t get it.
South Of Broad
The streets of Charleston have been talking about Kathryn moving in to a very expensive part of town. South of Broad is an extremely expensive area. I believe I was told she is renting. I was definitely told she is spending above her pay grade. I should have watched more before stopping to recap. She is indeed renting and the rent is almost $7,000 a month! It’s way more house than she needs. That said, I’d give my left tit (and that’s the big one) to live there.
Kathryn and Austen talk about his relationship with Madison. He’s in love. But they fight all the time.
Craig Has A New Woman In His Life
On this episode, we meet Anna-Heyward. Anna is basically the woman who is running his life. Since Naomie was removed from that position, he needs someone to nag him and keep him on track. Speaking of Naomie, she started an online clothing business over the summer with her business partner Ginny. Anna Heyward was also a very famous artist during the Charleston renaissance. I’m not sure if she is some sort of distant relative or if she was just named after her by her parents.
Anyway, we are back to the same old Craig storyline that portrays him as an incompetent fool who drunk shops for cases of beef jerky. And we are also going with the stupid storyline of him working on his pillow collection with Patricia. Craig doesn’t need Patricia to sell pillows. It’s just as ridiculous as when he “worked for” JD Madison. It’s all nonsense.
Burgers And Booze
Shep and Danni meet for burgers and booze. They talk about Austen and Madison. Why? Then they move on to Danni’s new boyfriend Gentry. If I recapped all the ways Shep was dismissive and entitled in this scene, I would need several hours to do so. He’s been dating someone in Chicago for a whole week. He’s so horrible.
Chelsea is going to have a party to show off her new house. It is gorgeous inside. It doesn’t have much curb appeal though. She also has a super hot boyfriend, Nick Dana. He’s a professional sailboat racer. He’s perfect for her. She wants him to live in her house. Because, yes please!
I’d Like To Thank Myself For Nominating Me For This Award…
Naomie, Cameran and Danni meet for drinks and apps on at a rooftop bar. Naomie and Cameran bond over their men both being doctors. They talk about Kathryn’s overspending on rent. Cameran tells Danni she needs to talk some sense into Kathryn. She should be investing in a property somewhere.
Cameran brings up Ashley’s bogus award that she nominated herself for. They play the video of her acceptance speech. It’s ridiculous and cringe worthy. Cameran sort of buys into it for a minute. She wonders if there are any good qualities to Ashley. Danni and Naomie assure her that there are not.
Chelsea’s Housewarming Party
Chelsea is extremely nervous about having all the fools in her house. Plus, there are lots of kegs of beer and bottles of bourbon involved. She should have put the booze outside. Plus, Shep. I have anxiety for her about this party. She has a put a lot of blood, sweat, tears and money into that place to make it perfect. It was featured in a home decorating magazine. Her friend that did the interior design is well-known.
In other businesses that don’t exist news, Austen is upset that the kegs are not filled with “his beer.” See, that is not possible because he doesn’t have a beer business. He just went to a “make your own beer” place and had a couple batches whipped up. That is too expensive to keep the story line alive. So, so much for that. It’s a good thing he has Madison make-up and break-up with all season long.
When Shep arrives, he seems too messed up to find the house. Chelsea immediately tries to get him into the backyard. If she would have put the booze out there, Shep would have gone straight outside. I’m just saying. Also, I don’t think playing a drinking game with a hammer and some nails is wise with this bunch. This is a 911 call waiting to happen. But at least she got all the drunks outside. Oh wait. Shep, Austen and Craig are hanging out in the kitchen. Argh.
Shep regales Craig and Austen with hookup stories. Because he’s single again. Really? He was never in a relationship. Anyway, he picked some girl up at the bar the night before. He and the girl decided to ride bikes down to the beach. This is not a long distance bike ride. And yet, he managed not to notice when she wrecked the bike in a ditch. Once he realized she is nowhere to be found, he just went home. Eventually, he decided to go look for her and found her at the wrong house knocking on the door. I have a feeling the neighbors hate Shep as much as I do. I know the local politicians do. The $3,000 orange SMEG refrigerator is the star of this entire episode.
Kathryn And Whitney
Apparently, this superduper secret hookup between Kathryn and Whitney is going to run for the whole season. Sigh.
It appears Chelsea’s house survived the party. The next day Whitney, Craig and Austen go out for drinks so that Whitney can reveal his dalliance with Kathryn. This show would be so much more fun to watch if the Internet wasn’t a thing. It would be so much easier to suspend disbelief and just go with the storylines.
Anyway, the guys give Austen a hard time over his non-existent beer. Whitney and Austen both order Cooper River beers. Austen had some sort of gig doing beer tours for a hot minute. That was one of the local breweries. Then, Whitney wants to know all about Chelsea’s party. I hate how they flashback to scenes from the current episode this season. We just saw the scene five minutes ago. Even I can remember that! Whitney pretends to be pissed off when they ask about Kathryn. Then they talk about Austen’s on again off again relationship with Madison. Their storyline is about them fighting all the time. Craig and Whitney try to explain that once you have a three-way with two girls from the bar, the trust is irrevocably broken. Austen doesn’t get it.
Austen And Madison
Cameran and Shep meet for a beer on her dock. I had forgotten about that dock. It’s awesome. For some reason we need to have multiple scenes where Shep defends Austen for having a three-way while in a relationship. Because didn’t we do this last week, or am I confused because this scene was in the previews? I think I am just remembering the preview. The entire scene about checking the crab trap was hysterical. I loved Cameran’s jab at Shep when she said she’s surprised he doesn’t have crabs. Shep’s moronic attempt to get the crab out of the trap and getting pinched was also hilarious.
Then they talked about Kathryn and Whitney. What if Kathryn got pregnant by Whitney and had Patricia’s grandchild? I’m annoyed by this ridiculous suggestion. Shep says that Madison is worse than Austen because she had sex to retaliate. The second person is more culpable than the first person who cheated. Cameran calls Shep sexist. Because, duh.
Is it me are do all the scenes seem really repetitive this season? I feel like the Southern Charm Recaps kind of suck because I’m just repeating myself. Am a I wrong?
Next week Kathryn tells the group about her boyfriend, Hunter Price. The girls talk about rumors that Madison is flirting with other guys on social media. Apparently, Danni’s boyfriend, Gentry, is one of them. When the guys tell Austen the rumors he doesn’t believe them.